


The Day We Ruined Absolutely Everything

by Skye_La



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: 90s references, Alternate Universe - School, Angst, British setting, Coming Out, Emma likes space, F/F, Light Robin bashing, Marian likes wine, Regina plays piano, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-06 13:19:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 61,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8753140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skye_La/pseuds/Skye_La
Summary: Regina is the headmistress of the small private school she once attended. Everything seems to be going fine when Emma returns after a 12 year absence, bringing more than just old memories with her. As the former headmistress and head of the school board, Cora has set them all up to fail. Emma might be the only one who can help, but there's too much history between them, too much pain and the memory of that day 12 years ago. If they are going to save the school they have to learn to work together, to forgive each other and forgive themselves. The only question is if they can.-Notes: I've taken some liberties with the ages of some characters and Regina is Henry's biological mother.CW for violence and implied domestic violence in later chapters.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick thank you to Aimee for being unfailingly kind and supportive, I definitely wouldn’t have finished this without her (I’m sorry the grammar is bad in parts, I tried!)  
> Thank you to people on twitter for writing tips, listening to my complaints and being lovely all the time (especially Swords!).
> 
> Thank you to the Supernova coordinators for doing this and to my artist, cashmerecandycane, I can’t wait to see what you’ve been working on!

In the pink morning light the brick walls of the old Victorian school practically glow. Blue sky and aeroplane trails reflect in the large bay windows and crispy leaves rustle around the playground. The chill in the air is new, Autumnal, exciting. Regina breathes it all in as she walks through the playground toward the old converted house, over fading hopscotch squares she once played on.

 

The original front door is now only used for visitors. The teachers use the other entrances but as a former pupil to whom it was forbidden, she takes particular pleasure in using it whenever she can. It always seems extra special on the first day of school. As she rounds the corner her trenchcoat catches the breeze and flies open. She doesn't mind, the wind brings the smell of distant woodsmoke and she loves it. She hops up the wide sandstone steps and standing in the tiled portico as she starts to dig around in her pockets.

 

“Good morning Ms Flores,” a voice comes from the other side of the door. “I’ve got it, it’ll save you getting your keys.”

 

The door opens and an older woman in a cleaning apron steps back smiling.

 

“Thank you Elsie.” She returns the smile as she enters, making sure to wipe her feet for longer than she normally would if the cleaner hadn’t been standing right there. 

 

Her heels clack on the tiled floor of the entrance hall, lined with bookcases full to the brim. She walks past classrooms one and two and into the hallway with the main staircase. 

 

Everything is fresh and clean from the maintenance work done over the summer. She takes a moment just to look at it all. The wood of the wide bannister shines with polish and the carpet is the bright red it always is at the beginning of the year. The display boards have been refreshed and worn woodwork has been painted. 

 

She smiles as she ascends the stairs, looking at the student artwork and poetry on the walls. She stops on the landing to look out of tall windows into the courtyard below. Miss Hua struggles to unlock the door for the art room, above which is her music room. Her arms are full of too many books and a bag that might be full of recorders.

 

She walks up the remainder of the stairs, passing the door that leads to the hidden away private lesson rooms that had originally been the house’s servant quarters. Behind the door is classroom five and a winding staircase leads to a cloakroom. She takes the door into a corridor that leads to another landing, off which is her office, year three and four classrooms, a kitchen, the bursar's office and the staff room. She peeks in the staff room first, hearing the radio on.

 

The large bay windows look out over the playground and gardens and fill the room with light. The staff room is always a little messy, even on the first day of term. The pigeon holes are more or less empty, though there are still piles of paperwork stacked above them. Whatever their system is, it seems to work. Regina knows which battles to pick and the organisation of teachers who have been at the school longer than she has been alive is not one of them.

 

There is a round table with comfortable dining chairs, an armchair by the disused fireplace, a filing cabinet with a fax machine perched on top and a cupboard that doubles up as a medical cabinet and a place for storing biscuits. She doesn’t know why they have a fax machine but again, it’s not the top of her priority list.

 

“Quite right too,” a young woman with long, curly brown hair tells the radio. Her yellow button down is fixed with a sparkling brooch, a nice touch for the first day of school. Her glasses have slipped halfway down her nose as she peers through them, leaning across the table to read a newspaper at the same time as conversing with the radio.

 

“Good morning Rudabah,” Regina says.

 

She stands quickly and pulls her glasses off. “Morning!” She smiles with nervous but genuine excitement. “How was your Summer?”

 

“It feels like I’ve never been away.”

 

“Isn’t that always the way? Coffee?” she asks, stirring what smells like instant in a bone china cup with daffodils on it.

 

“No thank you, I just had some. See you later.” She leaves the door open and heads to her office.

 

She likes Rudabah King, partly because her name is incredible, also partly because her hair reminds her of Rapunzel, but mostly because she is an enthusiastic young teacher and since she only joined the school two years ago, very much thinks of Regina as her boss, which some of the teachers never really would.

 

She sets her briefcase down on the mahogany desk and looks out of the sash windows. Her office overlooks a rolling grass lawn, lined with pine trees and ending in the long-jump pit. She uses a pole hook to tug the window open and fresh air rolls in. The iron radiators are not yet on, but soon they will be and she knows the room will be overwhelmed by it. She always likes to be just a little bit cold.

 

She takes a moment just to breath in the fresh air, to enjoy the quiet which seems to be accentuated by the distant babble of radio news. It won't be this quiet again for ten months, and she's looking forward to it.

 

The office is tidy. She’s been in and out over the summer, finishing bits of work, banging her head against a wall with the school board which seems to evaporate completely from June to September. She doesn’t like to keep photo frames on her desk but does have some awards and school memorabilia in a glass fronted cabinet that stands opposite a deep green chesterfield sofa. Her office chair matches, as does the low backed armchair on the other side of the desk. She’s never really sure if it’s too grand, but it seems to suit the house. She wouldn't have picked it, she inherited it. It's too obvious for her tastes but she didn't want her first big spend on the job to be decorating her own office, and since she started 3 years ago it's only slipped further and further down her list of priorities.

 

She checks her diary for the first thing on her list, though she already has her schedule for the day memorised. She leaves her coat hanging in her office and heads downstairs again. On the way she runs into the Reception teacher.

 

“Mrs Lucas, good morning.”

 

“Good morning, Regina,” Mrs Lucas half-shouts back at her. “We really have to get a lift you know, I’m not sure I’ll make it up and down these stairs every day.”

 

“I quite agree, accessibility is at the top of my list for the school board this year.” She smiles and continues on her way.

 

She passes the classroom for Reception, the junior bathroom and the door that leads to the cloakroom, heads out of the back door and into the courtyard. There’s a crash of cymbals from somewhere above which no doubt is Miss Hua attempting to move the drum kit. 

 

She passes the tennis courts and follows winding steps down to the senior school. The steps lead to a paved path that edges the lawn by the chapel. The cold air tickles goosebumps up her arms. She could use the main senior school entrance, another grand old house that’s sure to be well warmed up by now. She passes around the building, bypassing the reception, offices, people inside and uses a side door to access the corridor that links the old house to the big hall that doubles up as the assembly and dining hall.

 

“Good morning ladies,” she says as she passes the kitchens. A chorus of greetings follow from the dinner ladies.

 

She stalks into the hall, heels making a satisfying noise on the hardwood floors. She takes in the long windows, clean and sparkling, the stage swept and ready, the piano still covered with a dust sheet. She loves the last day of term for all its goodbyes, topping off of their achievements for the year and the school itself settling back down, worn and tired and well used. She loves the first day of term for its possibilities. The whole school feels geared up and ready for another great year.

 

“Morning Miss,” a lady with greying black hair says as she rushes into the hall.

 

“Good morning Ursula, how are you?”

 

“Not too bad,” she replies, pulling a pretty green scarf from around her neck. “The traffic is terrible this morning. You’d think of all the days to start roadworks…”

 

“It’s always the same,” Regina replies noncommittally. “Far be it for us to question the logic of the town council.”

 

“Well.” Ursula’s eyebrows rise in agreement. “It’s lovely to see you again.”

 

“And you.” She smiles as Ursula turns and heads for the kitchen.

 

She checks her watch, it’s almost eight. Students will already be arriving. The carpark will soon be full of parents who have hardly seen each other for months and have gossip to share. They’ll clog up the driveways for everyone trying to drop their kids off, but right at this moment everything is still. The dinner ladies sing along to the radio, she hears the caretaker’s lawnmower start up in the distance and people start trickling through the corridor that runs alongside the hall.

 

She tugs the sheet covering the piano but it seems caught on something. She doesn’t want to pull it too hard. It doesn’t look clean with flecks of paint all over it and the last thing she wants is that all over her smart grey dress. She goes around the other side to inspect. The sheet seems to be stuck under a leg so she bends down to try and tug it free.

 

“Come on,” she says to the sheet, not unlike Miss King talking to the radio.

 

“You need some help?” a voice asks as the sheet finally comes free. 

 

It flies off with the force of her pull and comes out of her grasp. The whole thing lands directly on the person who had just come and offered assistance, covering them from head to waist. 

 

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry,” Regina says, pulling the sheet back as quickly as she can while trying not to let it touch her dress.

 

The woman laughs and dusts herself off while Regina kneels to gather the sheet into a ball. “That’s ok, it was an accident. At least I hope so”

 

“It was, I’m so sorry.”

 

Regina doesn't stand again until she feels the flush of embarrassment clear from her cheeks.

 

“It’s really fine, I have a meeting but it’s not for a while. Are the bathrooms…” 

 

When Regina stands the woman faces away from her, looking back over her shoulder.

 

“Just through those doors on your right. Who are you meeting? Do you need directions?” Regina asks, holding the sheet out away from her with one hand and dusting off her dress with the other. 

 

She glances over the woman while she's not looking, trying to get an idea of what she's here for. She’s in smart trousers and a blouse, her sleeves are rolled up already even though it’s first thing in the morning.

 

“Mrs Flores, the headmistress?” 

 

“That’s me.” Regina smiles and holds out her hand. 

 

The woman turns back to her. “Oh! I’m...oh.” 

 

Regina’s heart stops at the sight of the ghost standing in front of her. 

 

“E--” Her throat is dry and she almost chokes on the word. “Emma?”

 

“Hi,” she says after a moment of staring.

 

The world seems to freeze around her. Dread fills her stomach and seems to be trying to drag her to the floor. They stare at each other for a moment. Regina looks her up and down as if trying to make sure she's really all there. The blue of her shirt sets off her eyes which seem wide enough to swallow her completely.

 

“You, you’re. Ahem.” Regina clears her throat. “You’re my meeting at half past nine? You’re from the council?”

 

“I’m not from them exactly, but yeah, half nine. I didn’t know you were the headmistress now. Wow.” She smiles, seemingly out of awkwardness, and Regina feels faint.

 

“I’ll see you later.” She drops the bundled sheet by the piano and sweeps past her out of the hall.

 

“Good Morning!” a jolly looking woman carrying far too much says as she descends the stairs.

 

“Good morning Mrs Arrowsmith,” she replies breathlessly. “I haven’t had a chance to check the piano is in tune for assembly, could you arrange something?”

 

“Yes, will do, see you later,” she says as Regina hops up the steps and along the corridor. 

 

She bursts from the side door she had used to get in and breathes the cold air deeply into her lungs. She presses two fingers to her neck and closes her eyes.

 

“This can't be happening,” she says to no one and breathes out slowly. She runs her fingers through her hair and breathes deeply again. After a moment she sets off back to the junior school at a pace that matches the briskness of the morning air.

 

-

 

Assembly is fairly short, the children are all excited to see their friends and barely able to sit still long enough for a hymn. Regina had chosen ‘I Danced In The Morning’ well in advance, but not all the verses as it’s a long song for them to keep their concentration and some of them are a little dark anyway. She barely sings even though she likes this one, her start of term welcome to the students is lacklustre but she's not sure they notice. She sees Miss King’s head tilt as she speaks and avoids her eyes. Mostly she tries not to be sick as every blonde head in the hall catches her eye and makes her stomach jolt. When she wraps it up she’s quick to leave as the teachers begin to file their classes back to their rooms. She’s halfway up the stairs to her office (to safety) before she even hears anyone behind her.

 

“Ms Flores?”

 

“Yes?” She turns around. “Mrs Maldon, what can I help you with?”

 

“Anne Bentley just called.” Her voice shakes a little. 

 

Regina nods. “Can we discuss this upstairs?” she asks as children begin milling around them.

 

Once Regina’s door is closed Tiana Maldon, teacher at this school for 15 years sits in the chair by her desk and cries. Regina offers her a pressed handkerchief which she takes. She glances at the clock hoping Emma isn’t about to barge into the room like she had her morning. “You said Anne called?” she prompts. “How did her treatment go?”

 

Tiana takes her glasses off, wipes her eyes and looks blankly back. “Not well at all. The treatment hasn’t had much of an effect. She said it was awful and she’s not having any more. She’s going to enjoy the time she has left.” At that her voice breaks and she starts crying again. Regina reaches across the desk to hold her hand.

 

“Oh Tiana,” she says. It's hard to watch someone cry, but someone you like and respect, someone you've known for years, someone you're responsible for… She can't even process what she's just heard about the woman who was her favourite teacher and remains her favourite staff member. She rubs the back of Tiana’s hand with her thumb. “I'm sorry”. 

 

There’s a knock on the door.

 

“I’d better go, you have an appointment with someone from the council and--”

 

“Stay there, Tiana,” Regina insists as she goes to the door and opens it narrowly. Rudabah King looks back at her nervously.

 

“There’s a woman here to see you Ms Flores. A Miss Swan.”

 

Nerves rush her stomach at the name, panic blooming up into her chest. “Is the bursar in yet?”

 

“Uh, no I don’t think so,” Rudabah replies.

 

“Could you show her to her office?” Regina asks, ignoring Emma standing a few feet away and watching her with wary eyes.

 

“Uh, ok. Everything ok?” Her eyes dart in the direction of Tiana and back.

 

“Everything is fine,” Regina lies. Rudabah nods and pulls the door closed.

 

Regina draws a deep, quiet breath. She shuffles her morning around in her head. If Anne Bentley is not coming in she’ll need to cover her classes for the foreseeable future. Someone will have to look after Tiana’s class while she’s upset. 

 

Tiana blows her nose and Regina goes back to sit with her. “Tiana, I have to go to a meeting but you can stay in here as long as you need to.”

 

“But my class--”

 

“They can sit in with Year One for a while. We’ll have a meeting at lunchtime in the staffroom and we can decide what to do then. Did Anne say if I could call her?”

 

“Yes, she said it would be fine.”

 

“Alright then. Whatever happens, the school will be fine so don’t worry about that.” She holds her hand again. “Concentrate on doing what your friend needs, I’ll take care of the rest.”

 

Regina closes the office door behind her and lets her breath go.

 

“Hi,” Emma says from nearby and she almost startles. “The bursar turned up and wasn’t keen on sharing her office.”

 

Regina sighs and avoids eye contact. “Mine is occupied.”

 

“Walking meeting? They’re all the rage now.”

 

“With whom?” She raises an eyebrow.

 

“I don’t know, people who don’t like sitting down?” Emma tries a smile.

 

Regina’s head feels scrambled. She’s not entirely sure this isn't just a vivid nightmare. “I could really do with a cup of coffee,” she says more to herself than to Emma.

 

“Kitchens then?” Emma asks. Regina’s brow remains knitted and her jaw set. “We have to have the meeting, we might as well have it comfortably.”

 

Regina almost gives her one of the work-smiles she usually uses to glaze over awkwardness. Nothing about this is comfortable. She rolls her eyes in concession and turns into the classroom next to her office.

 

“Good morning class,” she says, walking up to the desk.

 

“Good morning Ms Flores,” they answer, suddenly all sitting angelically at their desks, jokes and games from the previous moment forgotten.

 

“What is the first lesson on your timetable?”

 

“Geography,” comes the general consensus.

 

She opens the text book on the desk. “Do you all have one of these?” They pull them out of their desks. “Excellent. Who can tell me the currency used in India?”

 

Hands shoot up and she points at one. “The rupee.”

 

“Very good. Where is the temple of Karnak?”

 

Hands fly into the air again and she points to a boy on the other side of the room. “Egypt.”

 

“Very good. You all seem to be experts in world geography, that’s what I like to see. Now turn to your atlases and try to find the most obscure capital city you can before I come back. Miss King will be in shortly to make sure you haven’t all climbed out of the window to play in the sun.” 

 

They laugh and she leaves the room. She visits Miss King’s room briefly and when she returns she looks at Emma reluctantly. Emma follows her down the stairs, thudding down them like one of the pupils.

 

“Wait here,” Regina says, pointing to a spot in the middle of the hall. She enters the Year One classroom.

 

“Re--Ms Flores, I don’t know where Mrs Maldon has got to,” says Ingrid Frost, who has 26 years teaching at the school and struggles to remember to call Regina by her formal name in front of her class sometimes.

 

“I do. Would you be able to watch both classes for half an hour?” she asks, leaning on the door slightly.

 

“That’s a lot of children.”

 

“She’ll be down soon, she’s just had some bad news,” she says quietly and glances at the children. They all like her well enough, but some are inexplicably scared of her. She supposes it’s the title of headmistress; to some of them she may as well be called The Evil Queen.

 

“Oh dear. Yes, ok then.”

 

“Thank you Mrs Frost.”

 

She leaves the door open as she heads to the Year Two classroom. She ignores Emma watching her walk between the two from a spot that is not the one she had designated. The children are loud but not out of control.

 

“Good morning class.” She stands behind the desk.

 

“Goood mooorning Miszs Flooores,” they say back in unison. Regina hears a stifled snort of laughter from the hallway and the corner of her mouth twitches.

 

“Did everyone have a good summer?” she asks. The children nod furiously around the room. “Are you all excited to start Year Two?” There’s more nodding but less enthusiastic this time. Some children glance around, unsure. “Mrs Frost already misses you so much, why don’t we go and visit her and you can all show her how grown up and well behaved Year Twos are?” There’s more furious nodding, some even verbally agree.

 

“When I call your name line up by the door, please.” She finds the register open but not completed, and goes to the classroom door. “You may only leave if you tell me your favourite colour. Miss Pelekai.”

 

“Blue,” a wide eyed child with a huge smile says.

 

“Excellent, you may go.” The little girl beams and skips across the hall, missing Emma’s presence completely. “Miss Benson.”

 

“Red.”

 

“A solid choice, off you go.”

 

“Mr Bruce.” The little boy approaches but hesitates so she kneels to his height.

 

“Mine is red as well,” he whispers and curls his hands into his tshirt.

 

“Red is a popular colour. Do you know why?” He shakes his head. “Because it's the colour of the best power ranger, the best ninja turtle and,” she whispers dramatically, “the best M&Ms.” His face lights up as he giggles. “Have a nice day Mr Bruce.” He smiles at her before he runs off. 

 

When the whole class is gone, she looks up the stairs and sees no sign of Tiana Maldon. She waves a thank you to Mrs Frost, which goes unseen by the children who sit obediently, listening to an explanation of the water cycle.

 

“Coffee now?” Emma asks.

 

“Yes,” Regina sighs, turning to head back to the senior school. “Coffee now.” ‘Thank god,’ she thinks.

 

-

 

“So,” Regina says once they have acquired proper coffee from the dinner ladies and are heading out of the hall and out to a grassy hill. They head down the path that overlooks the village. “You’re from the council?”

 

“I’m not, I’m freelance, they just hired me,” Emma says.

 

“I see,” Regina replies, though she thinks the distinction is barely worth making and Emma seems to read that on her face.

 

“So, It’s about the review. When it’s convenient I’ll be--” Emma starts.

 

“I’m sorry, what review?” Regina interrupts.

 

“Err the school board review,” she says, Regina’s gaze on her sharpens. This is the first she's hearing about a review. “About the feasibility or--”

 

“Feasibility?” she snaps.

 

“Or sustainability I guess you could call it, that's a trendy word right now,” Emma continues. 

 

“Sustainability of what?”

 

“Of...the school.” Emma’s eyes narrow.

 

Regina almost drops her coffee. The school board has been lackadaisical with her over the summer, perhaps this is why. Her mother’s sudden abdication from her position as the chair to retire and see the world suddenly seems even more suspicious than it already had been. Reasons, explanations and accusations fly around her mind. Dots connect and she almost can't believe she didn't see it coming.

 

“You didn’t know this was happening.” Emma nods to herself and Regina remembers she's standing right there. “That sucks.”

 

She looks out over the village. The sun catches the orange tiles roofs as if they're echoing the colour of the turning trees that line the streets. But her eyes don’t see it. She tracks through conversations that now hold completely new meanings.

 

She turns towards Emma with a sneer. “Indeed it does,” she says sharply, deciding on the action to take. “Would you excuse me? I have to go back and check on a member of staff.”

 

“Everything ok?” Emma asks with what sounds cloyingly like genuine concern.

 

“Frankly, no it isn't, Miss Swan.”

 

“Can I come with you back to the school?”

 

“I would rather you didn’t.”

 

“I’ll call your secretary to reschedule then?”

 

“If you must,” Regina says over her shoulder, already half way back up the hill. A fucking review. And Emma fucking Swan.

 

Emma sips her coffee and watches her until she's out of view. She turns to look out at the view herself. Geese makes Vs in the sky as they migrate for winter. She sighs to herself. “This is going to be fun.”

 

When Regina gets back up the junior school Mrs Maldon is back with her class and she rushes back up the stairs to Year Five. She had only been gone for fifteen minutes but really that was too long to leave a class of nine year olds. When she opens the door the noise ceases completely.

 

"Dear me, you are very noisy when you learn." She walks to the desk to give herself a second to think "Right." She goes along the rows of desks tapping each one and giving it a number either 1, 2 or 3. "Get into your teams. Ones here, twos there, threes wherever you can find space."

 

Chair legs screech against the wooden floor, feet shuffle, pupils complain about not being in groups with their best friends and Regina picks up a piece of chalk, to make the first mark on the freshly painted blackboard. She looks over her shoulder and quickly counts the number of students. She writes numbers one to fifteen on the board and turns to them. 

 

“Everybody, atlases on the floor; if I see a single one open or on a desk you'll be expelled immediately."

 

They laugh and do as they're told. She calls group one and gets each of them to write their chosen capital city on the board in cursive.

 

"That's lovely, Nani, you've been practicing," she says and the girl beams. "The team that gets the most correct will be allowed to write on the board at lunch time." 

 

A murmur of excitement ripples through the class at the idea. She gives them 10 minutes to confer while she looks through the syllabus she finds in a drawer. Their topics for geography and history are wide ranging but seem to cover so little of what she thinks is important. Another fight to have with the school board on another day, she supposes.

 

"Right, time’s up, let's see which team has done the best."

 

A hand goes up and she nods at them. "What happens if it's a draw?"

 

"If there is a draw both teams will have to fight to the death to see who wins.” The children laugh. "Although that sounds very messy and you have history after lunch.” She taps her chin, feigning contemplation. “It will have to be a tie breaker question instead."

 

The class does very well to find place names they’ve rarely heard of. Bandar Seri Begawan is Regina's favourite. It does come down to a tie but neither group can place the last city. When both have guessed wrongly the class ask Regina where it is.

 

"Who came up with this one?" She asks. Nani puts her hand up. "Would you like to tell the class?" She shakes her head and blushes a little.

 

Regina smiles. "Very well, Ulan Bator is the capital of Mongolia." The bell rings in perfect timing. "Class dismissed. No running!"

 

The familiar rumble of a hundred students making their way to the playground soothes her head a little. It soothes more when it’s over and the noise is of laughter, shouting and playing at a distance. 

 

Hands on hips she looks out of the classroom window to the same view as from her office, only further along. It stretches down the driveway and she notices a car she doesn't recognise, a yellow Volkswagen Beetle parked alongside the teachers' cars. Her stomach turns over when Emma Swan walks up to it. She’s on the phone talking to someone who doesn’t seem to agree with her. She’s rummaging in her pockets, pausing to gesticulate while she speaks. Emma ends her phone call, puts the phone down on the roof of the car and leans back against it. Regina watches her rub her face, take a deep breath and let it go. 

 

She hums as she watches and heads back to her office.

 

"Ms Flores." Rudabah sees her in the corridor.

 

"Rudabah, you can call me Regina when the children aren't here," she says. She has said it before and will keep saying it even though she actually likes that she doesn't use her first name. 

 

"Right, I'll try. Do you want some tea? I'm making a round. Busy morning isn't it! They seem more full of beans than ever!"

 

"Yes please," she replies. "I'll come to the kitchen in a moment." She slides through her door, closes it and drops onto the sofa. 

 

She has an unanticipated financial review hanging over her, a teacher on permanent sounding sick leave and Emma bloody Swan of all people appearing out of nowhere to make this officially the worst start to any school year she has ever been a part of. She rubs her temple and lets herself grumble where no one can hear her. She's interrupted by a knock at the door. She summons all of her energy just to stand and put her work face back on.

 

"Hi," Emma says when she opens the door. "I left my keys in the bursar’s office and she waved at me to go away when I knocked."

 

Regina frowns. “Are you asking me to go and get them for you?"

 

"Yes please." Emma looks at the floor as she asks.

 

"Does that seem very efficient to you?" she asks, closing her door behind her. 

 

Emma hums like she’s thinking about answering with something smug but decides against it. Children appear in a flood, laughing, rushing, and generally being far noisier than you might expect from such small people. They disappear almost as quickly when the bell rings again. 

 

"I rang Archie at the council to try and move schools," Emma says. Regina drops the keys into her hand and doesn't respond. "They said I couldn't so, I guess I'll be back tomorrow. Can we have a proper meeting? We need to talk." 

 

Regina looks up, unable to hide her incredulous smile.“We need to talk?” 

 

Emma doesn't smile. She swallows and looks like the seriousness pains her. “Yeah.”

 

Regina just looks for a moment. Emma has more lines on her face than she used to, the same flowing blonde hair that catches the light and looks golden. She looks the same but Regina doesn't know this version of her.

 

"Fine," she replies. "One thirty?"

 

"Great. I'll see you then." Emma turns and Regina tries to go back to her class but can't seem to move her legs just yet. Emma turns at the door to the corridor. "Ree, I really didn't know you were the Head."

 

She looks up and sees Emma's mouth twisting to one side in discomfort.

 

“It's Regina," she replies and suddenly her body is marching towards her classroom. "Half past one, don’t be late Miss Swan.” And the door closes heavily behind her.

 

-

 

“Oh my god,” Emma whispers to herself before she gets out of her car. “I can do this, it's just a job, it's just…”

 

She remembers Regina from the day before, sharp and clipped, pursed lips holding in what she really wants to say. Her eyes said it all anyway. The circumstances sucked but even without the review Emma wasn't welcome there. She can't believe there wasn't a single document that referred to a Mrs _Regina Flores_. She wouldn't have taken that job, she can't believe Regina's married. She never thought she’d be one of those people who stays where they’re from. It doesn't matter anyway. 

 

She throws the car door open, breathes in the fresh air and looks up at the school. It’s a grand Victorian house that was converted whenever the school was established, like 100 years ago or something. She wonders if she should look it up on the school crest; what if Regina springs test questions on her to see if she's qualified? But Regina wouldn't do that. Cora might have, but if she knew her at all… the thought trails off as she wonders if she does.

 

Aside from the secret passages and former servant stairways, she never appreciated the building itself when she was a pupil here. She had loved it, but never seen it. Looking at it now she loves the bay windows that look out over the playground, she loves the wide sandstone steps that lead to the entrance that the students aren’t allowed to use. She loves the ivy that creeps up the brickwork, reaching the Year Four classroom and what must be the head mistress’s--Regina’s office. 

 

The tight band around her chest constricts further and she takes another deep breath before heading inside. No one greets her this time, the rush of the first week of term sweeping everyone along, keen to stay on schedule at the beginning of the year at least. She’s early so she reads the pupil’s poems and stories as she slowly ascends the stairs. She checks her watch regularly as if time might run away with her. At 29 minutes past one she rushes up the rest of the stairs to knock on Regina’s door.

 

“Come in,” she answers.

 

“Hi.” Emma leans through the gap.

 

“Oh, that time already,” Regina says, closing her laptop imperiously and looking horrifyingly like her mother for a moment. 

 

The computer looks out of place in the office. The desk is mahogany and leather topped, just like Emma remembers from when she was called in regularly to be told off for things like swearing (and to this day she maintains that ‘pillock’ is not a swear word). Regina gestures to the seat which she takes before pulling two files from her satchel.

 

“I put some stuff together for you, I thought you’d have all this already but I guess not.”

 

Regina takes the file, it's just short of a snatch actually, flicks it open and leafs through the pages before setting it down. “I’ll look at them later” she says and puts it on a pile that looks suspiciously like it's waiting to be recycled. Regina wouldn't do that though, she knows it's for show, she’ll scour it later, she just wants Emma to know what she thinks of this: it's literally trash. 

 

“What I would really like to discuss,” Regina begins, “is your role, what your aims are, what you are using to measure the school’s efficiency and how that will affect the staff and students while you're here? What are the implications of your report?”

 

Emma sits back in her chair. This is her job, she knows what she's doing but something about this office (and the woman sitting opposite her) puts her on the back foot. She takes a moment to remind herself that she knows what she's talking about.

 

“They are really reasonable questions. A lot of them are in that file but I don't mind telling you.” 

 

“How magnanimous of you, Miss Swan, that you don't mind explaining what you're doing in my school,” Regina says and surveys her with what Emma can only interpret at complete and total hatred.

 

She wants to argue and clash and make her see how stupid resistance is, but she knows better. She’s the one who goes into failing businesses and sorts them out, gets their teams to work properly, to get them to work together, but now she's in the team and the other half looks like murder on the other side of the desk.

 

“I’m on your side, you know,” she says, hoping that honesty is the right tactic. No bullshit, just saying it how it is.

 

“Are you?” 

 

Regina mirrors her body language and sits back in her own chair. Emma really doesn't know her anymore, no matter how well she used to. Even so, she can't help but read this as defence by offence. Regina feels threatened and Emma can't blame her. She's protective of the school because she loves it and, difficult as she could make things, at the heart of it that's a good thing.

 

“Ok, well I’d like to start by meeting the teachers and explaining why I’m here and what I’m doing. I’m going to do a review of services as well as sit in on some lessons. Can I come to your next staff meeting?”

 

Regina doesn't quite mask the twitch of irritation on her lips. “Isn’t that a little soon?”

 

Emma shrugs. “Why would we drag this out?”

 

Regina's eyebrow cocks in agreement that she's never going to voice. “There’s a staff meeting tomorrow at 8am or the usual lunch that we hold at the end of the first week of term every year.”

 

“Great, the lunch? Is it at the weekend? Can I bring anything?”

 

“Is a nominal peace offering not a waste of money?” Regina asks with a sneer.

 

“Sure, but it’s the council’s money, not yours.” 

 

She thinks Regina is almost thinking about smiling. Her eyes aren't soft but they're less sharp than they were. Emma takes a second to bank her minor victory and pulls some more papers from her bag.

 

“So this is a rough outline of what I’ll be doing. There’s a staff list there too, is it up to date?”

 

Regina scans both. “Anne Bentley is currently on sick leave.”

 

“Ok, can you add her substitute’s name?”

 

“We don’t have one yet,” Regina answers.

 

“So who is teaching,” Emma reads the sheet upside down, “Geography and History?”

 

“I have been,” Regina says.

 

“You’re, you’re a teacher?” Emma stammers and as soon as she asks she regrets it.

 

“Well obviously.” Regina frowns at her like she's a complete fool and Emma supposes she deserves it, but it still feels shitty.

 

“Yeah but, I mean… Never mind, it’s great that you could do that,” she says, trying hard to hang onto her small but significant win. It seems to be slipping away.

 

Regina sighs. “Thank you for that assessment, Miss Swan, is it going to be in your report?”

 

“Ree.” She rolls her eyes. Why does she have to make this more difficult than it is?

 

“Do not!” Regina snaps, suddenly sharp again, hard and angry. She clears her throat and says more calmly, “do not call me that”

 

She stares for a moment. Regina has been angry, irritated, plain rude on occasion but now she's spiky and Emma knows there's nothing she can do now, she’s lost this one. 

 

“Fine,” Emma sighs. “But can you stop calling me Miss Swan? It's stupid when--” Regina’s eyebrow arches at what she might say. She can't say what she's thinking if she ever wants to get Regina on side. “--when we have a history”

 

Regina doesn't reply. Emma's so annoyed she lost this round. She had it in the bag, she was making progress and now she's had her wrist slapped, Regina’s still angry and she's angry at herself. She shuffles her papers and shoves them back in her satchel. Regina opens her laptop and starts typing.

 

“Let me know if you need anything else from me. I think Archie was going to fax you some official stuff.” She stands and and heads for the door. “Oh and congratulations.”

 

“On what?” Regina drags her attention away from the screen where Emma's pretty sure she's just typing in a Word document about how much she hates her.

 

“Getting married, Mrs Flores.”

 

Regina’s mouth opens like she’s going to say something but changes her mind. “It’s Ms,” she says after a moment, still frowning.

 

“Yeah that sounds about right.” Emma smiles briefly and leaves, taking another deep breath when the door closes behind her. God she has her work cut out.

 

-

 

The annual “end of the first week” lunch is exactly what Emma had expected. A village pub, too many gin and tonics and bitter lemons because old ladies must live up to their expectations (that's what Mrs Lucas had said and she couldn't believe this woman taught Regina how to write). She manages not to freak the teachers out too much. Regina sulks the entire time she's talking but doesn’t make things worse, seeming to agree that it wouldn't be conducive to their situation to scare everyone if they can avoid it. Emma doesn't lie but she presents an optimistic outlook. She compliments Regina's leadership a lot and notes that a number of teachers seem to take that as their own achievement while Regina ignores it completely.

 

When it’s over the teachers leave. Most of them smile at her, all of them thank Regina and she softens slightly at the edges, although that changes when Emma approaches her. 

 

“Can I buy you a drink because that went so well?” Emma tries.

 

Regina looks at her like she’s gone mad. Maybe she has. She might buy a drink for a normal colleague, but that’s not what Regina is. Regina’s about to reply with something searing when something over Emma’s shoulder catches her attention and she swoops around her.

 

“Hi!” Regina sounds happier than she’s heard her this entire time.

 

Emma turns quickly to see what or who elicits a response like that from her these days. A woman with dark wavy hair and a huge smile wraps her arms around Regina and almost lifts her off the ground. Emma feels weird about it. Really really weird, in a way that she has no right to. 

 

When they break apart after what feels like whole minutes Emma sees she’s wearing a gilet over a long sleeved top, dark jeans and clean Hunter wellies. 

 

"Hey," she breathes and she’s undeniably beautiful. 

 

Emma would deny it if she could but she’s kind of taken aback by this woman. Her eyes are brown and sparkle for Regina and she can’t put her smile away. She’s familiar but in that way where she could be someone famous and Emma can’t place her.

 

“Oh my God,” Regina says, much more softly than the way she speaks to Emma. “How long have you been back? I would have picked you up from the airport!”

 

“Don’t be silly, I got in at five this morning.” The woman waves, dismissing the idea and (Emma would guess) Regina’s guilt.

 

“Aren’t you tired? What time is it for you?” Regina fusses.

 

“Time for a drink, are you done for the day?”

 

“Um. Sort of.” Regina glances over her shoulder in her direction and Emma pretends not to have been watching the entire thing. The woman follows her gaze and looks back at Regina with a grin that Emma doesn’t understand.

 

“I see, well don’t let me interrupt, my love,” she says with a glint in her eye and Regina seems to hesitate.

 

“No no, please do. Please interrupt.” Regina turns so that Emma’s on her right and the mystery woman on her left. Emma’s watching her still smirking at Regina who returns a reprimanding look. She can’t read this situation at all; is this Regina’s wife?

 

“Marian West, nice to meet you.” The mystery woman holds her hand out and she's not a mystery anymore, she's Marian, of course, they were at school together. And her surname isn't Flores so she’s not married to Regina, she doesn't think?

 

“Uh, hi Marian, it’s Emma, Emma Swan.” Emma takes her hand. Of course she gives a firm handshake. Emma resents it.

 

Marian’s eyes widen and her head whips around so she can look at Regina who frowns in return, and then back at Emma.“No fucking way.” She laughs and takes a step closer. “Fuck off, you really are! Emma! Hi!” 

 

Emma is pulled into a hug, one of those weird ‘I know you but I haven’t seen you in forever and don’t really know you anymore but still feel like we should hug’ hugs. 

 

“Hi.” She smiles at the warmest reception she had received so far. “How are you?”

 

“Ugh, I’m ok.” Marian leans on a high bar table and Emma watches Regina walk off in the direction of the bar. “Just gotten back from fieldwork in Brazil”

 

“Oh wow, what do you do now?” 

 

“I work in global health, specifically child health.”

 

“And you were in Brazil? Do you go often? What was it like? Sorry, 20 questions.” 

 

Emma examines her face as she answers. She looks almost exactly the same as she had in school only less lipliner and more like, wow. Emma likes the drawl of her slightly southern accent and wonders if she spent time in London.

 

“No it’s fine, it sounds more impressive than it is. In reality I spent a month in a stuffy office in Manaus with four guys who wouldn’t believe I had a PhD.”

 

“Yeesh.”

 

“Yeah. So what about you? Emma Swan, God, it’s been a long time.” Marian looks like she’s going to eat her up, eyes scanning over her like she’s committing every detail to memory, or maybe checking every detail against an old memory.

 

“Yeah, it’s weird actually, I’m doing a sustainability review of the school--”

 

“Oh shit, that’s you?” Marian grimaces

 

“Yeah, you know about it?”

 

“Well.” Marian rolls her eyes.

 

“Regina told you.”

 

“Yes, but she didn’t tell me it was you! Is it weird working at your old school?”

 

“Yeah, I didn’t actually know Ree--er, Regina was the head”

 

“Oh no!” Marian holds her cheek, seeming to enjoy every minute of the conversation.

 

“Yeah so that was pretty awkward.”

 

“How did it come about? When you realised?”

 

Regina rejoins them, followed by a barman with a bottle of white wine and three glasses. He sets them on the table, pours the wine and leaves with his tray, nodding at Regina as he goes.

 

“She attacked me with a dust sheet in the assembly hall,” Emma says, hoping Marian will relieve some of the tension between them and a joke will help things along

 

“What?” Regina straightens up.

 

“Ah,” Marian says knowingly. “The headmistress, in the assembly hall, with the dust sheet.”

 

“Very funny,” Regina remarks and picks up her wine.

 

“It sounds it. I wish I’d been there.” Marian’s eyes crinkle and she smiles at Regina. “So. Emma Swan.” Marian looks back at her and stares a little.

 

“Are you going to full-name me every time, Marian West?” Emma asks.

 

“I haven’t decided yet. So where are you staying? Ooh are you coming to Henry’s birthda--” She catches a glare from Regina. “--ay. Oh, oops.”

 

Emma smiles. “Er no, but I think I’m busy then anyway.”

 

“When?” Marian asks.

 

“Whenever.” Emma shrugs. Marian grimaces and Regina rolls her eyes. “Don’t worry about it. I think I’m gonna head off. Thanks for the drink.” Emma picks up her coat and leaves the untouched glass of wine.

 

“Oh but I have so many questions for you!” Marian’s head tilts and Emma knows she’s about to crack out some seriously effective puppy eyes and avoids them.

 

“Well, I’ll be around. Back in on Monday. Thanks for letting me come, Regina.” She smiles briefly and nods.

 

“Bye Emma Swan!” Marian waves as Regina follows her out.

 

“Emma, it’s not--” Regina says at the door.

 

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t really want to come to your husband’s birthday party. That would be really weird, right?” 

 

It was a stab in the dark but Regina hesitates and Emma smiles, though she feels horrendous. 

 

“See. Super weird. I’ll see you on Monday,” she says as she leaves. 

 

Regina lets her breath go in a frustrated sigh. Emma stands in the entrance for a moment looking for her sunglasses. It’s one of those bright Autumn days where the sun hangs low in the sky and blinds you until it goes down.

 

“What?” she hears Regina say somewhere behind her.

 

“Thanks for letting me co--” Marian starts.

 

“Oh shut up.” Regina cuts her off but she can hear the smile in her voice. “I’ve missed you.”

 

Emma finds her sunglasses, pushes them on her face quickly and leaves before she hears anything else. She wonders what Marian meant, if they have history, then pushes it all out of her head. It means nothing. Probably.


	2. Chapter 2

“Good morning, I brought coffee, the instant Rudabah makes is the worst” Emma whispers as she slips around Regina’s office door after knocking briefly.

 

“Do we have a meeting scheduled? I need to go down to the senior school” Regina says in a tone that indicates that she knows for certain that they don't have an appointment.

 

She writes a name on the front of the envelope she has just sealed and puts the lid back on her fountain pen with a snap.

 

“No I just wanted a quick catch up, what’s up?” Emma asks, setting the coffee cups down on the desk.

 

“Mrs Dunbroch’s mother died recently. Today is her first day back.” Regina says, noticing the cups for the first time. She thinks about heat marking the wood, something Cora drilled into her a long time ago, and decides against commenting. She doesn't have the energy today.

 

“Mrs Dunbroch?” Emma asks incredulously “wow she must have been...I mean...nevermind” she was probably going to say something insensitive about her age. Regina decides not to ask.

 

“Yes, so I’m going down now before class starts” Regina stands, hoping Emma will take her cue to leave.

 

“Can I come? We can catch up on the way and then I’ll leave you alone, promise.”

 

She’s a teacher, she has a son, she has Cora for a mother, she has enough patience to manage them all but Emma Swan pushes her past that limit. She breathes out through her nose “Must we have a ‘catch up’?” she says with disdain.

 

“I mean, not if you want me to just go off and do my thing. I thought you wanted to know everything”

 

She does, she wants to know so she isn’t caught by surprise, so she can build defences and guard against whatever she’ll come up with. She scrutinises Emma for a moment and nods.

 

After Emma tells her her plans for the day they walk down in more or less silence. They comment on the weather, the aesthetic improvements to the school but Regina grows quieter the closer they get to the senior school. They use the the side door that Regina prefers to the main entrance, they pass the assembly hall that they were reunited in weeks ago. Regina waves hello to the dinner ladies who coo back. Emma grins at them and Ursula might wink at her but it's so quick she can't be sure.

 

Regina’s walk grows stiffer. She doesn’t look behind her as she holds doors open for Emma. They head down a corridor that always was and seemingly always will be cold, down some more steps into the next building. The school itself is a series of Victorian houses dotted down a hill and connected by corridors and newer buildings. It makes for one long walk down memory lane. Emma catches glances of the grounds out of the windows. Everything is so familiar but so different.

 

They pass the old RE rooms and head up the stairs to the Geography and History classrooms. Regina draws a deep breath before knocking on the open door.

 

“Mrs Dunbroch?” she asks as she opens it.

 

A woman with grey hair tied up in a bun turns at her voice. Regina approaches and passed her the card. Emma stands gingerly behind her and it makes her feel more awkward than she already does.

 

Mrs Dunbroch glances between the two of them and looks at the card. Regina had always liked her. A straight talking teacher, serious but fair, she cared about her students and when she sang hymns she always seemed to be half a second behind everyone else. Regina loved to watch her sing in assembly and had forgotten until this moment that Emma was the one who pointed it out to her when they were students.

 

“Oh girls” Mrs Dunbroch says reaching out to them both at the same time.

 

Regina hugs her and Emma doesn’t seem to have a choice. The hug is hard and genuine. She realises her hand is on Emma’s back just before they are released.

 

“It’s good to see you, together again. Emma Swan what are you doing here?” she rubs Emma’s arm fiercely and wipes a tear away “Oh it’s good to see you. Thank you for coming down, Regina”

 

Regina takes a moment to straighten her jacket when they leave the classroom. She knows Emma’s watching her and she’s uncomfortable. She can't be bothered to fight today. She can’t quite keep the Emma she used to know and the Emma in front of her separate, and she needs to if she’s going to get through this review.

 

“You ok?” Emma asks after a moment

 

“Fine” she replies and it comes out croakier than she had expected. She clears her throat “I never come down here” she says and part of her hopes that Emma understands why, and part of her hopes she doesn’t. “Shall we head back?”

 

“Sure”

 

They walk back quietly. Emma looks down, more down than she had when Regina had thrown a dust sheet at her, more than she had when she couldn’t get a transfer to a different school. Regina notices but doesn’t comment. It’s none of her business.

 

Regina feels the same weight pressing down on them. It wants to be talked about. It feels like the only way to move past it, but they’re not going to move past it. Friends talk about their problems and they are not friends. She doesn’t want to cross that line. She doesn’t want to give Emma an inch to turn into a mile, to turn into a hundred miles. Silence it is.

 

When they get back to her office Emma sits in the chair and doesn’t speak. Regina watches her bite the inside of her lip and wonders if she’s thinking about the same things. About trying not to laugh in assembly. About the initials scratched on a desk somewhere in Mrs Dunbroch’s classroom. About smiles they shared as they queued for classrooms across from each other. Then she reprimands herself internally. This Emma is not the Emma she knew. She doesn’t know this woman. She’s here to close her school. Maybe her extra defences against Emma are making things worse than they need to be. Perhaps she should just treat her like anyone else, that might relieve some of the tension ~~between them~~ of the situation.

 

“Thank you for the coffee” she says, like she would to anyone out of politeness, not genuine gratitude.

 

“What?” Emma asks, seemingly coming back from another world and her eyes clear of whatever she had been thinking about.

 

“The coffee” she tips her cup in Emma’s direction “thank you” she sips. It’s luke warm but she drinks it anyway.

 

Emma smiles and it’s small but it’s real and Regina wonders if this was her best idea.

 

“Can I sit in on your next class?” she asks

 

“Year Five history?”

 

“Yeah”

 

She doesn't want her to. She wants her to be anywhere but where she is, but is there any point dragging it out?

 

“I suppose so. We’re doing noteable kings and queens.”

 

“Henry VIII, then?”

 

“How did you guess?” She asks sarcastically, she hates the history syllabus.

 

“Just a wild stab in the dark. Anne Boleyn style”

 

“Oof” Regina leans back into her chair, hand over heart “that hurt”

 

Emma grins “worth it”

 

-

 

"So, you three and you three up here please. Good. Take these" Regina passes the children cards with the names of Henry VIII's wives printed on. "So, what order did they go in?"

 

The class deliberates and Emma sits quietly in the corner, head down, trying not to watch the way Regina's eyes sparkle when her class laugh and get the answers right. They more or less figure it out.

 

"Excellent, if you just swap these two around" Regina puts hands on the shoulders of two kids and switches them. "So what happened to Catherine of Aragon?" she points at the first one.

 

"Divorced" the class answer in unison.

 

"Excellent, please stand over there Zaki, you survived" the kid does as he’s told. "And Anne Boleyn?"

 

"Beheaded" the class answers gleefully. She tilts her head and narrows her eyes "executed" they reluctantly correct themselves.

 

"Very good, but with some poetic license I declare a beheading" She holds a blue ruler to the child's throat. "Let's give them some drama, Tiffany" she draws the ruler across the air in front of her. Tiffany pretends to choke and falls to the floor.

 

"Bravo" she tucks the ruler under her arm and claps. The children love it and Tiffany props herself up on her elbow to watch how everything else pans out. "Jane Seymour?"

 

"Died"  the class responds

 

"My apologies Peter, but could you die for the class, please?" The boy rolls his eyes back into his head and falls to the floor "Outstanding" she claps again and the children giggle.

 

Emma is transfixed by her. She knows she’s staring but she can’t help it. Regina is like a different version of herself with them. She’s dry and sarcastic but warm and funny. The children hang on every word she says. And so does Emma, like the worst teacher crush she's ever had in her life, but way more inconvenient.

 

“Anne of Cleves?" There is some murmuring as the class confers and she watches them. "You may yet survive this, Aisha" she says to girl she’s standing behind.

 

"Divorced" comes the general response.

 

"Very good, congratulations on your continued existence" Aisha beams "please stand over there with Zaki. And Catherine Howard?"

 

"Beheaded!"

 

"Very good” Regina smiles “Danika I'm afraid you're going the same way as Tiffany"

 

She repeats the ruler beheading and Danika grabs her head as if to keep it on, flails and falls to the floor. Regina covers her mouth as she starts to laugh. The class had been laughing at the performance already but on seeing Regina lose her composure they start howling with it. Regina truly loses it when Danika begins twitching on the floor and she looks over at Emma who is openly laughing and wiping her eyes. Regina covers her laughs at the children, all three on the floor now twitching and flailing away, feeding off the energy from their classmates. Regina is propelled by it too, walking behind the desk to face the board though she can't stop her shoulders from shaking. Hiding it from them seems to make it worse and the raucous laughter from the class worsens and exacerbates hers.

 

Emma's stomach aches from laughing and Regina is just about back in control of herself, gently dabbing her eyes and lifts her hands to quieten them down. The classroom door opens.

 

"Miss King" Regina says on seeing the teacher "I'm sorry if the noise disturbed your class."

 

"Oh. No it's fine. I just thought they might be unsupervised" Rudabah King looks surprised but not annoyed.

 

"They are excessively supervised," she gestures to Emma who ignores the comment and waves a hello "but there have been three murders"

 

"Two murders" Danika says from the floor. Miss King looks past Regina to the pile of bodies on the floor.

 

"That's correct, two murders and one unavoidable death. Henry VIII"

 

"Ah I see" she nods

 

"Sorry to have disrupted you. Shall I murder any more of them to teach them a lesson?" Regina asks and the class gasp in unison.

 

"No thanks, I think they'll remember." Miss King smiles and leaves.

 

Regina turns back to the class, leaning on her desk, ruler of death still in her other hand “Catherine Parr?"

 

"Surviiiiived" they reply as the bell rings

 

To their undeniable credit none of them move, not even the murder victims. Emma remembers the overwhelming urge to run from a room as soon as the bell goes, and knows that lots of classes scramble as soon as they hear it. She watches as the children freeze in place with the self restraint of fifteen very small saints.

 

"Homework, questions on pages 27 and 28 of the textbook for the next lesson. Off you go" Regina waves the ruler like she’s just giving a royal decree and the class filters out.

 

-

 

The sun seems to set so suddenly that they fall from afternoon into night in hardly any time at all. It feels late when Regina locks the front door of the school behind her and heads up the drive. Her steps on the stone paving flags make a satisfying sound, the mix of wetness from rain in the day and slightly gritty. She passes the empty playground, quiet and eerie, up a stepped path and starts down her own driveway.

 

She doesn’t know what Emma got from watching her teach today. She hopes that it was more about the engagement of the class than the outdated subject matter, how happy and interested the children are and not that the classroom gets cold because of the high ceilings and single glazed, hundred year old windows. She had caught her eye as they laughed and she knows that her Emma, no, the old Emma would have seen the incredible things she sees and not the faults. But she doesn’t know _this_ Emma.

 

The porch light is on so she finds her keys quickly as she stands on black and white tiles among potted and hanging plants. The heavy door swings open and closed.

 

"Henry?" She calls up the stairs. There’s no answer.

 

She hangs her coat in the nook by the kitchen and finds a note on the island.

 

_“Already had food, working upstairs, headphones on. Hope you had a good day -Hen”_

 

She sighs and puts the note back down.

 

“Fine” she says and heads for the fridge looking for the easiest thing she can make.

 

Bingo. Leftovers. She throws them in the oven before going in search of Henry.

 

-

 

A week goes by and nothing terrible happens. Archie from the council seems to be in meetings 9-5 every day, which is interesting since she can often hear him in the background when she talks to his secretary. Emma gives her updates on what she’s been doing some days. She’s always a little less anxious when she’s heard from her which simultaneously makes her feel better and worse. What she really wants is a list of early findings so she can justify each (probably) insignificant thing to be improved, and get Emma the hell out of her school. Although that feels bleak too and she's not sure why.

 

“Hey” Emma says as she opens the door and knocks at the same time “I’m going, I just left Mrs Lucas and she wanted me to tell you that the Classroom Assistant is doing really well and she’d come up to tell you herself but said something about a lift?”

 

She hadn’t forgotten about accessibility, the school is desperately in need of an update, if only Archie would answer the damn phone.

 

“Yes fine” she sighs, letting her frustrations at the spineless council out in her tone. Emma seems to take it personally and goes to leave without another word. “Uh, how was your day?” Regina asks

 

Emma steps half into the room but looks wary.

 

“Um, it was pretty good actually.” Regina waits for more and Emma smiles as she recounts one of the things she liked about her day. “There was this kid in a geography class who, when asked what a conservative plate boundary was, said it meant they voted Tory. I just cracked up.” She starts to laugh as she remembers it and Regina fights the smile that curls at the corner of her lips. “It was so unexpected. I had to pretend I had a cough and get out of there, oh my god. I can’t remember his name but he has a birthmark on his neck and he just seemed really cheeky and on it. No wonder you go all shiny when you teach them.”

 

Regina’s eyebrows raise slowly and she can’t quite shake the smile on her face. “I go shiny?”

 

“Yeah,” Emma’s cheeks flush “full of life and you say really clever things but still on their level and they love you. You get all sparkly eyed when they enjoy learning stuff." Regina is still except for the fountain pen in her hands that she twists the lid of as she watches Emma shift her weight from one foot to the other. "Uh anyway, how was your day?"

 

She drops her eyes from Emma's and looks back through her day trying to find something good, interesting or worth sharing. She mostly caught up on paperwork and fought with people on the phone. “It was fine” she says.

 

Emma looks a little crestfallen and she feels bad that she doesn’t have anything to share back. She doesn’t have time to think about the fact that she’s looking for something to share with Emma before she voices the only thing that made her smile today.

 

"This morning I washed my hands in the kitchen and the water was cold."

 

"The water from that tap is boiling!"

 

"I know, I must have been the first to use it tosay, so I washed my hands in cold water and it was exactly what I wanted."

 

Emma's lopsided smile says she gets it.

 

"Sounds good," she says "I'm gonna head off. Are you staying much longer?"

 

"Well," she checks her watch "I don't have any classes left and I could do this at home." She thinks about Henry and makes her mind up to do just that.

 

"Do you need a lift? I know it was nice this morning but it looks like rain now." Emma says and glances out of the window at the darkening sky.

 

"Oh," she turns to follow Emma’s gaze "so it does. I wonder if I can beat it"

 

"So you don't want a lift?" Emma asks.

 

"Oh, no thank you. I live up at The Mansion.”

 

Emma's mouth falls open "no way"

 

Regina frowns. Why wouldn’t she live there? It’s the house she grew up in and it’s next to the school. It belongs to the school, actually. It’s the house the headmistress lives in.

 

“Sorry,” Emma splutters “I just assumed Cora lived there. Or maybe she does. No judgement" her arms wrap around her stomach.

 

"She doesn't, she is travelling the world in her retirement. She's calling it The Farewell Tour." Regina sighs in disapproval.

 

Emma's eyes are still wide "I haven't thought about the house in a really long time" she says absentmindedly.

 

"Would you like to see it?" Regina asks, regretting it before all of the words are even out of her mouth.

 

A lot happened while they were at the school. There are a lot of memories tied to the house Regina grew up in and she doesn't particularly want to refresh them by having Emma there, but it’s too late for thinking now, apparently.

 

"Sure" she replies carefully.

 

So they leave together and that's not weird, Emma tells herself. She's carries her car keys and iPad, Regina carries her briefcase with her mac draped over her arm. There are a few people collecting their children from after school clubs. Some greet Regina and ignore Emma. Some eye Emma with interest. Some seem to recognise her and talk behind their hands to each other, but she might be overdramatizing because of how uncomfortable she is.

 

“This is fine” she repeats in her head while trying to swallow the feeling in her dry throat.

 

It's all so familiar. Their path up to the house and the way they walk at the same pace, slightly quicker than most people because Emma has long legs and Regina just walks quickly. She swallows again and tries not to think about sleeves of rolled up school jumpers and elbows that used to knock together as they walked.

 

Regina tells her about improvements to the school grounds but it's been a long day and, as much as she cares, she isn't really listening that well, she’s looking out for things she remembers. There’s a tree she had tied a bracelet to somewhere around here. She kind of expects it to jump out at her, but she doesn't see it and is disappointed she can't remember exactly which one it was. There’s a wobbly step along the path that she and Regina hop at the same time. Regina clears her throat and continues her soliloquy. At the top of the stairs they come out of the trees and onto a long driveway, Regina’s driveway.

 

The house looks almost exactly the same. The kitchen windows at the front are tall and bayed, matching the drawing room windows on the other side. She remembers the second floor balcony covered in ivy still and the jasmine that creeps up the side of the house, outside of Regina's bedroom window. There are more plants, flowers and greenery, but other than that the place looks the same.

 

She barely notices that there are two cars parked outside. Regina's and her husband's no doubt. Both Mercedes, it's a little sickening. Emma suddenly realises that he must be home and she might be about to meet him.

 

"I should really go, thanks for letting me see the house again" she says, but Regina’s keys are already out. She’s ahead of Emma and turns the door handle before Emma is even up the steps.

 

"Oh" Regina stops with the door half open "can you wait just a moment? I want you to meet someone."

 

She doesn't have time to examine why she doesn't want to meet this guy (like, ever) or think of a good excuse to give Regina.

 

"I, erm..."

 

Regina’s already in the house "Henry" she calls.

 

Emma feels like she might throw up. An unpleasant tingling feeling fills her stomach and she seems to lose her ability to speak. Her tongue is stuck in her mouth, like that dream where you scream and no sound comes out.

 

She vaguely hears the thud of someone coming down the stairs, the swish of trouser material. She doesn't want to see Regina with her husband. She doesn't want to think about his arm around her waist. Marian she can understand but not some rugby-on-the-weekends suit.

 

"Henry, this is Emma. Emma I think you already know Henry"

 

She looks up, ready to embarrass herself, or for Regina to embarrass her. Why does she want her to meet him anyway? It's mean.

 

Her eyes find his much quicker than she expects because he's short. Really short. He’s a kid. Grey trousers, blue jumper, white shirt and blue tie. The shirt is unbuttoned at the top and he wears his house badge on his puffed out chest.

 

"Hi" he holds out his hand and she shakes it. His brown eyes are the same shape as Regina's. He has her dark hair too and a birthmark under his ear on his neck.

 

She's lightheaded and when her voice comes out of her mouth it sounds far away.

 

“You're Henry?”

 

“Yep, you're Emma” he grins

 

"You made that joke about tectonic plates today"

 

"Yeah" he smiles and glances up at his mother "an oldy but a goody"

 

She looks up at Regina who seems to be torn between pride and reservation.

 

“It's really good to meet you, kid" she says with completely genuine pleasure and relief.

 

"You too. Are you staying for dinner?"

 

She’s mesmerised by his demeanour. He must be 12 years old but he seems so mature. He has Regina's mannerisms, he surveys Emma with the same intensity. His hands slide into his pockets as Regina might slide hers to her hips. She looks at Regina, awaiting an answer too, not telling her yes or no, which she guesses must mean she’s at least a little bit welcome.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Are you asking or telling?" Regina asks, eyes sparkling briefly in amusement

 

"Telling" Emma replies with a smile that seemed to start in her belly, fill her chest and pour out of her face "yeah I'll stay for dinner. Thanks Henry"

 

She steps into the hallway that she knows so well and kicks her shoes off automatically. Regina closes the door and Emma catches her smirk but she doesn’t say anything. Emma realises Regina is still wearing her shoes and rolls her eyes at herself when no one is looking.

 

"You can call me Hen." Henry says

 

"No you can't." Regina corrects

 

They sit at the kitchen table. Emma has never eaten in the dining room since Cora seemed to think it was only fit for adults. Emma preferred the kitchen anyway and is glad to find Regina does too. She sits in the same chair she has sat more times than she can remember, eating whatever had been cooked for Regina’s dinner by the housekeeper who insisted on feeding her before she got the bus home. (“Just something to keep you warm” Emma hears in her thick northern accent. “There's no harm in putting some flesh on your bones, little miss.” Remembering it makes her sad, deep in her chest.)

 

"We meet again" Marian says as she swaggers in through the back door

 

"Hey" Emma smiles and for a moment Marian’s blouse could have been a school shirt, she half expects to see a blue jumper tied loosely around her waist.

 

"Hello darling" she says to Regina, hand on her arm and bumps cheeks with her. One of those friend air-kisses that Emma never really understood, but then she never had those kind of friends. "I parked in the garage I hope you don't mind, it's absolutely pissing rain."

 

"No that's fine"

 

"Cooking dinner?" she asks. Regina hums in answer and Marian takes a seat opposite Emma.

 

"Wine?" Regina asks

 

"Obviously" Marian replies

 

"I was asking Emma"

 

"Oh, yeah go on then" she jumps at her name.

 

Marian checks her phone absentmindedly as Regina leaves the kitchen. "I wonder why she's doing this"

 

"What? I'm not the enemy!" Emma protests at the idea that she shouldn't be there.

 

"Ooh, telling" Marian’s eyes twinkle and she puts her phone face down on the table "but I wasn't talking about you. She absolutely hates cooking"

 

"Oh” Emma can practically feel an Acme line of blush slide up her neck and face “really?"

 

"Yes. Don't you remember the time she nearly burned the school down in a home ec lesson?"

 

"Excuse you, that wasn't my fault" Regina says, returning with two bottles.

 

“Oh that's right, the oven set itself on fire.” Marian nods

 

"Red or White, Emma?" Regina asks pointedly

 

"What are they?"

 

Marian smiles and watches Regina though no one shows any sign of noticing her. "Chilean sauvignon blanc or valpolicella"

 

"Valpolicella, please" Emma says easily

 

Regina hesitates "Or there's montepulciano as well, I didn't know you liked wine"

 

Emma shrugs "who doesn't like wine, right?"

 

"Right" Marian gets up and goes to get glasses. Emma leaves the kitchen to use the bathroom along the corridor. "So," Marian says as Regina joins her at the counter to uncork the bottle of red "still cooking?"

 

"There isn't really anything in" Regina murmurs

 

"Well, no one explicitly said you would cook, right? So order in" Marian murmurs back

 

"I can't do that!" Regina frowns

 

"Of course you can. What do you feel like? Italian? Or There's a Brazilian place just opened in the village"

 

The wine cork pops from the bottle and she sets the screw down with a sigh.

 

"It doesn't make you a bad person if you don't cook, sweetheart" Marian’s arm slips around her waist and pulls them closer so their hips bump. "It doesn't make you a bad mother" she whispers

 

Regina's eyes rest on the corkscrew as she runs Marian’s words through her mind a few more times. The kitchen door opens and Marian retracts her arm as Emma comes back in.

 

"So the cooker is busted. We're going to order in" Marian says

 

"Oh, do you want me to have a look? I'm pretty handy these days"

 

Emma's hands are in her back pockets, it's sweet how eager she is, but Marian has called all-aboard the Bullshit Train and Regina's obliged to play along.

 

"And risk you blowing my house to pieces? I think I'll wait for someone...better qualified to fix it"

 

Marian’s eyes bounce between them. Emma shrugs and sits down again.

 

"So, where are we ordering from?" Emma asks. Regina's frown lifts a little and Marian internally congratulates herself on saving the entire evening.

 

-

 

"Can I ask you a question?" Emma asks, pushing the remains of her gnocchi around her plate.

 

"Of course" Marian replies, draining the last from her wine glass.

 

"It's about Regina" Emma says

 

"I'm shocked" Marian’s places her hand on her chest

 

"Ok" Emma ignores her "Henry’s dad. Is he one of those London in the week Cheshire at the weekends types?"

 

"What?" Marian sits forward in her chair

 

“I know, it’s none of my business” Emma sits back and thuds against the wooden chair back. She picks up her wine glass and almost drinks “It’s just, I know that kind of guy and you know he’s got a girlfriend down there-”

 

“Emma-” Marian shifts in her seat

 

“Fuck, I know, it’s none of my business, just forget I asked.”

 

As Regina returns from saying goodnight to Henry, Emma’s phone rings and she leaves the kitchen to answer it.

 

“Hey” Marian takes the empty plates to the kitchen sink as Regina fills a glass of water “Why the hell does Emma think you’re married to Hen’s dad?” Regina gulps hard and lowers her glass, avoiding Marians arched eyebrow. “Yeah, that’s right, that’s what she thinks. Do you have any idea why she might think that?”

 

Regina pauses. “I didn’t tell her that” she says and sips her water again.

 

“But she must have said something to you and you didn’t correct her?”

 

“Well...no”

 

“Regina!”

 

“I don’t want her in my life! Why would I tell her about my private life?” Regina shout-whispers “She’s not entitled to that part of me, she’s a work person!”

 

“So coming into your home and having dinner with you and your son is different how?”

 

“It just...I suppose it isn’t really” she sighs and rubs her head.

 

“What is going on with you two?”

 

“Nothing!” Regina snaps “Stop inventing scenarios to obsess over to fill the hole in your own life!” Marian fixes her with a stare and she deflates immediately. “Sorry”

 

“Ree, what fucking happened between you two that means 12 years later you still can't forgive her?"

 

"I...she..." She sighs

 

"Hey, so, I'm gonna go" Emma says from the kitchen door. "Thanks for dinner"

 

Regina doesn't turn to face her, but she does watch her in the reflection of the windows, now a dark mirror as the kitchen lights reflect on the glass. Emma must have heard at least part of what they said, she doesn't wait for anything else.

 

"Ree, you have to tell her" Marian says urgently, watching the door close behind Emma with a hand on Regina's back.

 

"Why?"

 

"What if she says something stupid to someone and it's embarrassing for both of you? What if she says something to Hen?"

 

Regina turns to look at her, eyes raw with conflicting feelings, biting the inside of her lip.

 

"I'm gonna tell her before she goes.” Marian says, listening for the sound of the front door being opened. “Tell me to stop if you don't want me to." Regina watches her walk towards the door but keeps her lips pursed and Marian slips away.

 

"Em" she catches up to her

 

"Bye Marian" Emma says, slipping her shoes back on.

 

"Wait a minute, I don't know if you overheard anything from the kitchen-"

 

"Nope" Emma lies as she pulls her jacket on and feels around in her pockets for her keys.

 

Marian picks them up off the sideboard and hands them to her "please Em, give me a second."

 

Emma takes the keys with reluctance. "She doesn't want you to talk to me"

 

Marian sighs "She does, she just doesn't know how to do this. She's- Emma please, I'm not doing this because I'm your friend, I'm doing it because I'm hers."

 

Emma stops with her hand on the front door handle.

 

"Hen's dad is long gone. After you left she scraped through her last year, but once her exams were done she was out of here. She went to uni and had a wild time, didn't see anyone from here until she came back pregnant and alone. Henry was born here, she raised him here. She never married his dad, they weren't even a couple, they were friends. Best friends actually, he was a much better friend to her than I was. Anyway he died before she could even tell him she was pregnant. Hen never knew his dad and Regina’s not married, Flores is her dad's surname."

 

Emma leans back against the door and watches with slightly parted lips. She can't quite process what she's hearing. Regina wasn't ok but she got out and lived before she came back and, reading between the lines, lived under Cora’s thumb and raised Henry in the relative safety of his grandmother’s house.

 

"When she came back people joked that she had been with you, that the baby was yours."

 

"What the fuck?" Emma frowns

 

"Yeah"

 

"That must have been horrible" she can feel the threat of tears at the back of her throat at the idea

 

"Yeah"

 

"Who would do that?" She clears her throat

 

"People who didn't know enough or didn't care about her enough to see how hurt she was. I was one of them, Em. I had no idea."

 

Emma wipes her face and looks around the hallway. The plush carpet and grand drapes are unchanged. She can see teenage Regina in her uniform storming up the stairs after a row with Cora, can hear her playing piano in the drawing room. She's kept all of this in a box for so long but now it's out. Coming back to the house was a mistake.

 

Marian drops her voice to a whisper "Hen was the best thing that ever happened to her, Emma, and the worst" Emma looks up sharply with wide eyes. "If she hadn't had him she would have left, travelled, lived her life and gotten over whatever happened with you two that started this. But he saved her too. She’d die for that boy, which is why I had to tell you this, so you don’t accidentally say something that upsets him"

 

Emma is quiet for a moment "the thing that happened between us...it's not the kind of thing you get over" she says in a low voice.

 

Marian’s brow draws tense in concern. "Honey, if you want to be her friend, and I think you do, show her you're on her side."

 

"I am on her side!"

 

"I know you are, and I think she almost believes you. Just...make it so she can't doubt it."

 

"Any suggestions?" Emma asks trying to lighten the conversation.

 

"Well don't make her try and cook for you again" Marian says and Emma smiles briefly. "Now bugger off, it's a school night"

 

"It's Friday"

 

"Every night is a school night when you're the headmistress" Marian says in an uncanny imitation Cora. Emma almost shivers as she leaves.

 

Marian sighs heavily, walks back down the entrance hall and around the stairs on her way back to the kitchen. She finds Regina leaning against them, only just out of sight of the front door. Her arms are around her waist but fall away easily when she’s pulled into a hug.

 

"Thank you" Regina whispers

 

"I love you"

 

"I love you too. Don't ever say that about Henry again."

 

"I won't" Marian holds her tighter

 

-

 

Emma drops a file on Regina's desk with such a thud that they both jump.

 

"Sorry, a little overeager there"

 

“Too much so for a Monday morning, Miss Swan" Regina replies, pulling off thick rimmed glasses to look at Emma

 

“Yeah. How gorgeous is the weather today? It's so mild here but it's pretty" it's chattier than usual. Regina feels awkward, like they've crossed a line of familiarity and now they share casual observations about...well she supposes the weather is innocuous enough.

 

"Mild compared to where?" She asks

 

"Edinburgh most recently"

 

Regina nods "I love Edinburgh"

 

"I think I like Glasgow more"

 

"I've never been"

 

"Maybe I can recommend to the council that you host your next staff away day there" Regina raises an eyebrow "or a training day for you that's only a half day on a Friday"

 

"Even better.” Regina says, but she's keen to get away from details about Emma's life before more materialise, like a partner, a sandstone tenement with high ceilings and a dog. “So what is this?"

 

"This is meeting papers, email conversations, invoices, minutes, memos, every scrap I could find about the school review" Emma stands with hands on her hips.

 

Regina's mouth falls open as she looks at the file and back to Emma "surely that's a breach of confidentiality"

 

"Oh yeah” Emma laughs “certain people have their fingerprints all over this. It's up to you what you do with it. You can look, you can destroy it, you don't have to mention it again, but it's yours"

 

Regina doesn't move for a moment. Could it be a trick, or had Marian’s words stuck with her?

 

"Emma” she starts in a low voice “you could get in serious trouble over this"

 

She shrugs "I prefer Edinburgh to here anyway"

 

Regina can't put her finger on what has her so disturbed about this. She watches Emma slide her hands into her pockets.

 

"I don't know..."

 

"Well you don't have to. Like I said, it's up to you, I won't mention it again unless you bring it up. The ball is in your court." Emma says and takes steps back to the office door.

 

"Speaking of courts" Regina leaps from her current predicament to a future one "house netball has started, the second game is on Wednesday if you want to go." Emma eyes her warily for a second “Purely for the purpose of showcasing the school’s athletic prowess alongside academic, of course.”

 

“Of course” Emma echoes "Are you going?"

 

"Of course"

 

"Am I allowed to stand next to you?" Emma asks

 

"If you must" Regina said, casting her gaze down but Emma can see the amusement in the way her lips pressed together, hiding a smile.

 

"Awesome! I'll be there, taking notes on athletic prowess of course, not cheering Windsor on as they thrash Tudor.”

 

Regina sucks her cheeks in. “As headmistress I'm impartial”

 

“Yeah? And as the former captain of Tudor’s netball team?” Emma jibes

 

Regina sighs heavily for effect “I have things to do, Miss Swan”

 

Emma taps her iPad against her open hand. “Uhuh. Have a nice day, Ms Flores”

 

-

 

She's not entirely sure how she ends up with an invitation to a kid’s birthday party. It turns out Henry is quite difficult to say no to, and clearly Regina hasn't mastered it either. Before she know what's happening she's distributing child sized bean bags around the living room as Marian watches Regina herd Henry’s friends back into the house.

 

The kids had almost destroyed Regina’s kitchen making and then eating their own pizzas. There was a brief reprieve when they were outside playing and Emma tried to get as much flour off the kitchen floor as possible.

 

She hears them pouring back into the house and hopes they'll settle down for a movie (and, Marian says, shut the hell up).

 

“How was the netball?” Marian asks, moving furniture back against walls.

 

“She must have told you already.” Emma says.

 

“Yeah. Windsor suck, sorry not sorry.”

 

“Did she tell you she was insufferable the entire time? Impartial my--”

 

“No, somehow she failed to mention that. Must have been all the winning.” Marian leans on an armchair.

 

“Your smack talk needs work, you’ve gotten weak.” Emma says.

 

“Like your old team?” Marian grins.

 

“So anyway, the school is now coed, but the netball is girls only. Do you know why?” Emma asks, dropping the last bean bag sort of in the middle of the room.

 

“Oh you know, the usual” Marian says as Regina appears at the door “Some dads having a crisis of masculinity.”

 

“Mind out, some of them have kids here!” Regina whispers.

 

“It’s like the forest in Narnia,” Marian says, rolling her eyes “eyes and ears everywhere except they understand nothing and repeat everything.” Regina taps her on the arm to say that’s enough as children start to mill around them with beakers of fizzy drinks.

 

The three adults get everyone settled with drinks and snacks, and get the movie going. Enamoured with superheroes and explosions the children finally quieten down. Regina sits at one end of the sofa, Emma chooses the other and Marian sighs as she slips into the enormous gap between them.

 

“Chris Hemsworth though” Marian whispers to Emma after a while.

 

“Yeah, I see it, but I’m more about Natalie Portman, if you know what I mean.” Emma says. Her heart feels like it's beating in her throat. She has no idea why she's so nervous to say it. Regina obviously knows. Maybe she's afraid of Regina thinking it was a phase, like it might have been for her. She pushes the thought, along with visions of what Henry’s dad might have looked like out of her mind.

 

“I do, I do…” Marian says “you don’t like Australians, which is understandable”

 

Emma nudges her with an elbow and glances at Regina who is ignoring them both. Or is she smiling? Emma only half watches the film, the rest of her attention on how Regina doesn’t look anywhere but the screen except to glance a check on Henry. She doesn't fidget or check her phone, she's far too focussed to be actually watching the movie.

 

If Emma had thought that things would wind down once parents started arriving she was sadly mistaken. People appear in the house and on the driveway, she has no idea who any of them are, or which child belongs to them. Regina slips back into work mode, porcelain mask back in place, fake work voice on and she laughs at jokes that aren’t funny. Emma suddenly realises how _herself_ Regina had been up until then. She can't help but be a little proud of herself for it.

 

She makes herself useful by handing out party bags and making sure kids take their coats home. She’s helping one of them find their shoes when something snaps her attention completely away.

 

“Hey Danny, cut that out. Skipping ropes are for queers” bellows a man in a navy rugby shirt.

 

Henry and Danny had been having a skipping contest, but it dies along with their enjoyment as the man makes his way into the hall.

 

Emma is the nearest adult to him, though Marian appears in the hallway a second later and she can see Regina on the porch turn in horror as soon as she hears his voice.

 

Emma places her body between the man stomping into the house, and the children playing in the hallway.

 

“Woah, hi, maybe you could not speak like that in front of the kids?” Her voice is light but it feels like lead in her throat.

 

The man leans back a little and seems to size her up.

 

“I’ll speak however I want in front of my kids, where’s George?”

 

“Putting his shoes on, maybe I can remind you there’s more kids here than just yours, and why should George have to hear that?”

 

She's been in many a shitty situation with a man saying gross things. Worse things than this, and bigger, meaner looking guys. But she knows that tone of voice. She knows that disregard for others and the kind of people who make comments about their kids like that and she can't let it just go unchecked.

 

“I don’t want my kid thinking it’s alright to act like a faggot. Who are you anyway?”

 

“I’m Emma Swan, who are you?”

 

“Mike Chambers” he says like that should tell her.

 

“Well Mike” she puts her hands on her hips ”if I ever hear you talk like that again I’m going to report you for verbally assaulting a minor”

 

“For what?”

 

The chatter of other parents has died down and the kids seem to have sensed the change in atmosphere and quietened too.

 

“Assault” Emma enunciates dramatically “I used to work in the police so I know how seriously they take that kind of thing. You ready Georgie?” A little boy appears at her side.

 

“Thanks for having me” he says

 

“You’re welcome” Emma smiles “Ms Flores, hasn’t George been good?”

 

“A pleasure to have” Regina replies, having moved to George’s other side “as always”

 

“Uh, thanks” Mike says as he turns his back on his way out.

 

After that, outed as their former classmate Emma is inundated with questions.

 

Where have you been? What have you been doing? Why are you back? Are you married? Seeing someone? Divorced? Still blonde? Is it natural? What are you _doing_? And she honestly has no idea by the end of it. When the last guest has left she collapses alongside Henry on the sofa.

 

“You have a good party?” She asks

 

“Yeah!”

 

“Did you open all your presents?”

 

“Not all of them yet, I got a lot”

 

“Lucky kid”

 

“Yeah” he grins

 

He hasn't opened hers yet. She got him a cool set to make bracelets with thread and beads and all kinds of crap in it. She had asked the Internet what to get a 12 year old and decided on principle not to get a gendered toy after having an argument with a troll about deciding a kid’s interests based on their genitals.

 

“Right you two, I’m off.” Marian enters the room with Regina. Henry gets up to hug her goodbye and thank her for his present. “You’re very welcome, little man. Thank you for always having good birthday parties”

 

“It does seem to be something I’m good at”

 

All four of them burst out laughing. Henry probably has more energy than the rest of them put together, having focussed solely on having a day of fun.

 

“I should go too” Emma says, regretting that that involves getting up and moving to somewhere that isn't the sofa.

 

“Do you want a lift?” Marian asks

 

“Actually Emma I wanted to talk to you” Regina interjects

 

“Work on a weekend? You need a life darling” Marian says

 

“Duly noted. Bye” she kisses her on the cheek and Marian finds her own way out.

 

“Henry, are you going to bed soon?” Regina asks

 

“Yeah I’ll get changed” he says and bounds from the room

 

“Thank you, sweetheart”

 

“I feel like I’m in trouble” Emma says, suddenly aware of how ridiculous she looks slumped so far down in the sofa that she's more lying than sitting on it, legs splayed out across the floor. Regina perches on the arm of the opposite sofa, the picture of poise.

 

“You’re not in trouble”

 

“Phew” she says, sitting up “is it really work stuff?”

 

“No, not really”

 

“Ok” Emma says, wondering if it was about what Marian said during the movie, or when Emma had accidentally called her Ree again in the kitchen or if she had not been concentrating on keeping her eyes in appropriate places.

 

“What you said to Mike Chambers, thank you” Emma almost blushes at the memory of it. It makes her feel a bit sick even now almost an hour after it happened “I was going to say something but you obviously have the freedom to say more than I can and you did a great job. The other parents heard and I think they were impressed. No one wants their child to be traumatised because of one bigot. And George seemed happy. I know Henry spoke to Danny and he’s alright too. It was all very unfortunate, but still. I'm glad you were there.”

 

“Yeah I’m glad the kid was ok. I just hope he doesn’t say that kind of stuff at home”

 

“Oh I’m sure he does” Regina grimaces

 

Emma hums. She's determined to be the adult that she needed as a kid, but she can't go around intervening in people's lives, only protecting kids from unfairness she witnesses.

 

“I should probably go” she says. Regina doesn't reply and Emma kind of wants to lighten the atmosphere “I think I’m stuck in your sofa, it’s trying to keep me here” she says, wondering if Regina would want her here.

 

“There’s nothing wrong with my sofa”

 

“No, it has very good taste”

 

Regina smiles “do you need a hand up?”

 

‘No, maybe you need a hand down though’ she thinks, then mentally reprimands herself and rubs her face.

 

“I’m good” she sits up, careful not to fall straight onto the floor.

 

“You did well today, considering” Regina says

 

“Considering what?”

 

“Considering you’re not used to being surrounded by children all day”

 

“I’m getting used to it” she smiles.

 

Regina smiles too and there’s a moment between them that's easy for the first time. They're out of conversation but neither of them seem ready to let it go.

 

“Ok” Emma says

 

“Right” Regina replies and follows her to the front door.

 

“Say goodnight to Henry for me”

 

“I will”

 

“Ok” she pauses on the doorstep again.

 

She glances up Regina, silhouetted by the hall light, looking at her like she might have done once when they were school friends.

 

“Goodnight Emma”

 

“Yeah, night Ree- uh, Regina”

 

She doesn’t correct her this time. Emma wonders if that means anything as she walks to her car, and when she gets home, then the rest of the night.

 

-

Light floods into the hall from a wall that is more glass than brick and mortar. The whole room feels sunbleached and still. Everything is still but for Regina. Her eyes are closed and her face is lined with concentration that smooths and dissipates the longer her fingers dance lightly over ivory keys. Her hands flow, the left drawing rumbling echoes from the piano that has been pulled to the centre of the hall, while the right elicits song.

 

The repetitiveness of the music and the action soothes the ache in her chest. She leans into fuller, deeper parts and leans out when the melody gets lighter. Only when the ache she is working on subsides does she move to another piece.

 

She can't see the room around her, she can't feel her body on the seat or her feet automatically reaching for pedals as if they were an extension of herself, a natural expression of feeling. She can just about feel her hands moving though it isn't their movement she feels, it’s her heart pouring out through the sounds they make.

 

The memory of Daniel hadn't left her alone for a single night since Marian told Emma about him. She thinks about his easy smiles, his gentle hands, how careful he was and how tall. She misses their friendship. She misses talking to him late into the night about things she had never told anyone. He was the only one who truly knew her and she believes she was the only one who knew him too. The night they fell into bed hadn't been a mistake, it was a path they needed to start down to know that it wasn't right. In the morning they laughed together, made coffee and he cooked breakfast while she played the piano he had in an otherwise empty room in his mostly uninhabited house. She had played and it had soothed their heads and hearts.

 

She thinks of how different things would have been if she had known Henry was growing inside her. How precious that morning would have been, maybe she would remember more. She remembers the cups they drank their coffee from but not what they talked about. She remembers the pyjamas she wore but not his. She remembers thinking they were going to be fine and his laugh filling her up with lightness, but she doesn't remember what they laughed about. She remembers him kissing her forehead, but not why.

 

Her mind goes blank as the needle on the record of her memory hits the last playable ridge. He died so soon after that. The throb in her chest is replenished.

 

She thinks of Emma, her nervous smiles just like when she had been a new student. She think about how careful she is not to talk about them, about anything from their past, the way she looks at Henry as if she can see Regina and Daniel in him.

 

Her fingers draw her into a new melody. It feels almost hopeful. It’s quiet, delicate like her hope that they might be ok. She dares not let it get any louder than it is. It’s there though, a seed of hope planted in her heart and growing with every lopsided smile, every time she allows the use of her old nickname again, every thing they remember together that hurts a little less each time.

 

She imagines Daniel standing by the piano, watching and smiling. He knew. He knew everything all along. He smiles like he had seen this coming and she smiles as she imagines saying “you could have given me a heads up” and he ruffles his own hair, mischievous glint in his eyes. She draws the song lazily to a close, lets a long breath go slowly and opens her eyes. Footsteps draw her attention to the corridor that runs along the hall.

 

“You still play beautifully” Emma says. It’s quiet but Regina hears her. Her voice seems to fill the bright room.

 

Regina doesn’t have the words. She’s been finding the words less and less these days. She doesn't know how to ask what's going on, to ask if something is happening, if it can, if it should, if it's all in her head, if it's going to ruin her all over again. Instead her right hand goes to the keys again and presses tentatively in a pattern she has played a hundred times. Emma stops still feet away. Her eyes widen in recognition. Regina’s left hand comes up to play the melody of Emma’s favourite song from when they were at school. Regina had always maintained she hated The Pixies, but she didn't. She'd enjoyed the arguments they had about it.

 

She touches lower keys giving heart to the tinkling sound, a backdrop to highlight it, an anchor to keep Regina in one place as Emma’s hand reaches to cover her mouth.

 

Regina looks down at her hands as she plays. Her heart bangs in her chest, incongruous with the gentle music. She doesn't know what Emma is doing until she sits beside her, seemingly mesmerised by her hands.

 

She’s gentle, her timing intentional. She knows this song inside out. She’s played it fast and slow, classical and modern and thought of Emma every single time. She has played it through sadness and heartbreak, through loneliness and desperation, and when she has wanted to torture herself by reopening badly healed wounds.

 

They seem to exist in a parallel universe, one where everything is the same except that this moment is allowed and looking back is ok. Her mind is on Emma’s shoulder brushing hers, the way the piano seat isn’t really big enough for both of them, not anymore.

 

On the periphery of her vision she sees Emma wipe her eyes and she turns to her. She still doesn't know what to say, if there are words for what happened to them, for what is happening to them. She keeps her eyes down as the song ends, holds her index finger down on the last low note until it fades into silence.

 

She can feel Emma’s eyes on her face but can’t look up. Something is stopping her from speaking, from moving, from acting at all.

 

“Ree” Emma whispers.

 

Her head turns but she still can’t lift her eyes. Emma’s fingers gently curl into her palm and tug lightly. The tension holding the key down evaporates and for a moment they are just hand in hand. She remembers Emma always said her hands were cold but that she loved it, that it felt like a calming force.

 

As Emma draws her hand down Regina feels her body incline towards her on autopilot. Her knees knock Emma’s and suddenly she’s open. She feels open. She feels like her friend from twelve years ago is sitting with her, ready to break her heart again. Emma pulls her into a hug and she lets her.

 

It should be an awkward angle, it should be uncomfortable, but it isn't. Their torsos press together and she feels Emma breathing.

 

“I’m sorry” Emma says, her voice high pitched and breaking “I’m sorry for what happened, I’m sorry for leaving you, I’m sorry for what happened to you. I wish I could fix things I wish I could go back”

 

Regina pulls back from her. She's played this scenario a thousand times in her head and always come to the same conclusion. In some scenarios she talked, in some she shouted, in some they fought and in some they ended up having the only kind of sex you can have when you don't know if you hate or love each other more.

 

“You would do the same thing, you would leave. You were always going to leave, Emma. I just wish you-” she stops herself. The words on her tongue fight to get out but her lips seal shut against her will. She has spent years keeping it all to herself. If she says any more it might come out in a flood and she can't let that happen.

 

“You wish I what?” Emma asks, taking her hand again.

 

She shouldn't let her do that but she does.

 

“I wish” Regina starts, feeling the threat of tears climbing up her throat “I wish you had taken me with you”

 

Emma almost smiles as she scans her face like she's seeing someone new there “where?”

 

“Anywhere” she answers immediately “I would have gone anywhere with you, Emma”

 

Emma’s eyes search hers. She knows her own are shining with tears. Emma's traces the lines on her face, one between her eyebrows from years of sadness and worry, one laugh line that must be down to Henry and Marian. Emma glances at her lips and Regina thinks of all the lips that they have touched since they last touched Emma’s, and how many Emma’s might have touched. She feels distance forcing itself between them.

 

“I love that song” Emma says quietly

 

“I know you do”

 

They watch theirs hands, linked together, as if they have no say in what they do. It's something, all of it means something important. And for Regina, important things have a history of going terribly, terribly wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Regina plays for Emma is a cover of Where Is My Mind by The Pixies. I recommend [Maxence Cyrin's cover.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ts7FQaVULRs)
> 
> The songs I imagine her playing before that is[ Bloodroot by Rachel Grimes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2z9ujgHdw9E) and [ Profondo Blu by Fabrizio Paterlini.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hwTbbbdIWM)


	3. Chapter 3

#    
  


July 1999

 

Emma leans back in her seat in the taxi hoping to avoid Cora's notice. Annabelle, who doesn't seem to mind The Headmistress for some reason, volunteers to be the one who rings the doorbell and ends up making small talk while Regina gets her coat and handbag. Cora closes the door after them and Emma’s stomach flutters watching Belle and Regina tot down the steps together, all smiles and excitement.

 

They pile into the taxi, Belle in the middle, hip crushing against Emma’s as she tries to make space on her other side. Regina lifts off the seat to swing the door closed and squeezes back down into the gap.

 

"Hey" Emma leans forward and grins.

 

"Hi" Regina smiles while she clips her seat belt in.

 

"How was your last exam?" Emma asks

 

Belle pulls out her phone, illuminating the car with a bubble of greenish light.

 

"Ugh you know,” Regina waves a hand “the ones you think you've done well in always seem to be the ones you fail" she rolls her eyes but still smiles. She knows she's done well, it’s written all over her face. Emma beams back.

 

"You have never failed an exam" Belle shakes her study buddy's knee.

 

"Well, the ones you do worse in, then" Regina nudges her back

 

"Are you excited?" Emma asks

 

"Yes! I've never been out in the city" Regina grimaces a little

 

"I know" Emma’s eyebrows bob up in smug excitement.

 

"Don't leave me" Regina warns

 

"We won't"

 

Regina's gaze seems to linger on her a moment longer than usual. "I like your dress"

 

"Thanks. You forgot your lipgloss" Emma says

 

Belle smiles at their back and forth but doesn’t speak. The text tone alerts the entire car to her new message and all of her attention goes back to the phone.

 

"Har har" Regina says, checking her lip liner in a compact

 

Emma laughs "no you look nice"

 

"Thank you"

 

"Yeah you do, you expecting to see anyone you know?" Belle asks and nudges her with an elbow. 

 

Regina smiles and rolls her eyes. She's never had a boyfriend (never been allowed to even consider the possibility, which surprises no one) and some of her classmates seem to have made it their mission to rectify this.

 

‘What does that mean?’ Emma wants to ask. Is she? Because that's not what tonight is supposed to be about. They're celebrating the end of exams, recent birthdays, being old enough to drink together. They're not supposed to be out on the pull. She sits back, suddenly irritated and feeling like the whole night is a write off. 

 

The rest of the taxi journey is quiet. Belle still wants to debrief about the exam but her conversation with Regina is punctuated by long moments of clicking Nokia buttons.

 

The bar they had chosen to meet their classmates in is just across the road from the club (“in these shoes, convenience is everything” Marian had said). The group they meet is well ahead of them in terms of time and alcohol consumption. Marian passes Regina a shot of something green as soon as they enter, Emma confiscates it immediately.

 

"That's mine!" Regina protests, reaching across her for it as Emma holds it further and further away.

 

"Pace yourself" Emma says

 

"Oh please, I've drunk alcohol before" Regina gives up, half-mounted on Emma’s shoulder and not winning.

 

"Yes but this isn't a glass of wine with dinner. Did you even have dinner?" Emma asks

 

"I had toast" Regina mumbles

 

Emma sighs "look, no shots for a while at least or you won't make it to the club. I'll get the first round, what do you want?"

 

Belle is two shots down when Emma gets around to asking her and decides on Coke without the Bacardi because she probably won't be able to tell the difference after whatever that green stuff was. She squeezes into a space at the bar and carves out enough room for Regina to slip in. Something she always liked about being out with other women was the sense of protectiveness, holding hands as they walk through crowds so they aren't separated, guarding against roving hands and “accidental” gropes. She holds her arm out behind Regina, making a little safe space for her. Out of school blazers and cardigans she really does seem a lot smaller.

 

"ID" the bartender says before Emma can even speak "Not you, just your friend"

 

Regina laughs and pulls out her driving license. He looks at it, then her. Emma watches her get more and more nervous even though she’s of age.

 

"Fine" he says handing it back "what you having?"

 

Emma shouts her order across the bar while Regina puts her license back and looks at all the bottles in fridges. Emma's drink comes in a bottle, Regina's in a glass with lime and a straw. Emma pays with a note and tells the bartender to keep the change. 

 

They sit around a low glass table gossiping like they’re still at school, only shouting over the music instead of whispering over stacks of Cosmo.

 

"Oh my god I love this song" Emma gets up when she hears ODB playing

 

"You love every song" Belle laughs as she passes

 

"Hey, how are you doing?" Emma kneels down by her seat

 

"That Bacardi and Coke must have been strong. I might have water next"

 

"Good call, you're in tonight for the long haul"

 

"Yeah!" She laughs and her eyes are bright with her tipsiness.

 

When Emma turns around to get Regina, she's already there, dancing a little on the spot. They make their way to the middle of the small dance floor to find Marian and the rest of their friends. Emma sings and moves easily. Regina is just shy of relaxed even after a drink. She’s distracted by people knocking into her and the vision of her more intoxicated friends draped around guys she doesn't know. Emma takes her hand and sings the words to her. It's ODB, it's hardly reassuring but her face brightens and she lets out a breath of something like relief. She copies Emma, singing and dancing like her only with more restraint.

 

The music changes and Emma can't name the song, she just knows she loves it.

 

“Oh!” Marian snaps her fingers and moves away from the guy she had been dancing with to rejoin then. She takes Regina’s hand and sings while she spins her around “I never knew there was a love like this before” 

 

Regina laughs and sings with her, though no one can match Marian who sings like she wrote, produced and performs the song on a regular basis. She hits every single note. 

 

“Baby try to understand I’d be crazy if you leave cause you compliment my style” she sings to Regina as she dances behind her with her arms out. Regina turns into her and dances with her eyes down and smile lit up. “You compliment my style” 

 

It's hilarious to watch. Marian dances like she's actually liquid and Regina’s confidence grows every time she's twirled under her arm.

 

The bar begins to empty out around 11pm and they start talking about moving on.

 

"I like it here" Belle says, three sheets to the wind and compliantly drinking water. Emma is pleased to find that she's quite an agreeable drunk "I like talking to you guys"

 

"We're going over there" Marian thumbs behind her in the direction of the club "come on, dancing is fun"

 

"But I'm sleepy" Belle frowns dramatically

 

"You want to go home?" Marian asks

 

"No!" She jumps into action "no, not home, dancing!"

 

Marian laughs and links her arm "you coming?" She shous at Emma

 

"We'll catch you up" she waves a half full bottle at her and Marian gives her a thumbs up over Belle’s head.

 

"You've been drinking that for half an hour" Regina says

 

"I'm kind of full" Emma rubs her stomach, and thinks she feels a little giddy too.

 

Maybe she could do with some water. Regina hasn't stopped smiling since they started dancing. 

 

"You want to stay here?" Regina asks

 

"Soon it'll just be us" Emma says

 

"That would be OK"

 

"It would be" Emma agrees

 

The music changes and Emma licks her index finger and holds it up as if trying to tell which way the wind is blowing, waiting for the next song to determine if they're staying or not. Regina laughs and continues to dance, knees occasionally knocking into hers.

 

Piano keys start and Lauren Hill’s voice fill the bar before a thick beat.

 

“Oh my god I love this song” Regina says snapping her fingers in time. Emma laughs as she sings kind of like Marian did to Faith Evans “Girlfriend, let me break it down for you again” She points at Emma “you know I only say ‘cause I’m truly genuine. Don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem, babygirl respect is just the minimum, they fucked up and you still defending them” she bites her lip as she dances.

 

Emma’s eyebrows are somewhere in her hairline watching her and she's not the only one. Maybe the alcohol is starting to affect Regina, or maybe Lauren Hill is just her fucking jam. Either way people around them start looking at her in a way they weren’t before. Emma moves a little closer and keeps an eye on guys who might try to dance up close behind her. Regina seems blissfully unaware and Emma wants it to stay that way.

 

The music seems to get quieter with fewer people around. Emma finishes her drink, does a quick sweep of where their friends had been sitting to make sure there are no abandoned coats or full cigarette packets. Regina is ID'd again at the club. 

 

"I didn't realise I looked so young" she says

 

"It's because you smile at them" Emma says as they descend the stairs and the bass of the music vibrates through her body "they think you're trying to play them"

 

"I would never!" Regina says over her shoulder in outrage.

 

"I know" Emma laughs as she passes her to lead the way. 

 

The club is darker than the bar, a little stuffy with the heat of bodies and much, much busier. She takes Regina's hand and weaves through the crowd.

 

"It's so warm" Regina says

 

"You'll get used to it. Drink?"

 

"Sure"

 

"What?"

 

"Whatever" Regina answers, her fingers still tangled in Emma's while they wind through the people standing at the bar. 

 

Regina stands on her tiptoes looking for Marian. Someone waves and suddenly a guy with blonde curtains wearing a short sleeved shirt unbuttoned a little too far comes over.

 

"Robin, hi!"

 

"Hey Regina"

 

He hugs her and Emma wants to shove him away. A hangover from her protectiveness in the bar, probably. She hasn't spent all night shielding her from pervy guys in bars for her to be groped by some sleaze the second she's not looking. 

 

"Hi, nice to meet you" she waves as Regina turns around to introduce her. He checks her out and she wants to punch him again. Maybe he is just a perv.

 

"Emma Swan, Robin Locksley" Regina gestures between them

 

"We're gonna go find our friends, bye Robin Locksley" Emma says with a smile she doesn't mean as she takes their bottles with straws from the bar.

 

"Bye Robin Locksley" Regina repeats as she follows her away. 

 

Emma's hands are full but she doesn't expect Regina’s hands on her waist. She's just making sure they don't get seperatd. There's a layer of fabric between their skin but Emma’s not certain it's there anymore. She can tell the pressure of each individual finger, light but secure. She's leading them to the dance floor, as if Marian would be anywhere else, but she's surprised to find them so soon and kind of sad when Regina lets go of her waist and takes her drink from her.

 

"I used I think he was cute" Regina says thoughtfully

 

"Ew, why?" Emma asks, taking a much longer drink than she should, trying to tamp her discomfort down.

 

"I liked his hair"

 

Belle seems to be having the best time of everyone, though Marian is enjoying the attention of a guy who looks a little older than them and Ruby, a girl from the school down the hill from theirs, brings a certain energy with her.

 

“Hey” Ruby smiles and kisses Regina’s cheek

 

“Hi, you know Emma”

 

“Yes! Hey girl”

 

“Hey” Emma air-kisses her too, that's what all girls do, it seems.

 

As they dance and the sadness weighing down on Emma lightens. After a while the feeling from earlier comes back, the one where they were on top of the world. It feels like of all the people in the club they are the best, the best friends, the happiest and definitely the most beautiful.

 

It doesn't take long for men to approach her to dance but she shrugs them off. The same happens to Regina until Robin fucking Locksley turns up again. Emma doesn't believe he’s as drunk as he seems to be. He leans closer into Regina’s space than necessary and she looks small again, leaning slightly away from him as he places his hand on her shoulder to talk into her ear. 

 

Emma can see from the look on her face that she can't even really hear him. She resents him for barging in on their night. She resents Regina too for not getting rid of him. He dances beside her and Emma struggles not to push him away herself. 

 

"Drink?" She asks around, the responses that come back are mostly for water. Regina asks if she wants her to help carry but she shakes her head and disappears in the direction of the bar.

 

"Three bottles of water, two vodka redbulls and a shot of tuaca, please"

 

Regina appears by her side "hey, are you ok?"

 

"Fine" she lies, feeling dizzy and sick and like a shot will either fix it or make it much worse.

 

"What is that?" Regina asks as the bartender puts it down in front of her 

 

"Cheaper than tequila” Emma says then turns to the bartender again “make it two"

 

“ID?”

 

Regina's already handing it over when he asks. 

 

Another shot materialises. Emma passes it to Regina, clinks her glass and drinks without waiting for her. Regina is still holding the full glass when she looks down at her.

 

“What?"

 

The electric guitar of Santana’s Smooth tears through the club. Regina loves Santana but all of her attention is on Emma. 

 

"What's going on?" she asks, putting the full shot back down on the sticky bar.

 

"Nothing" she says, chasing her shot with vodka and redbull (which she's heard can kill you and that doesn't really bother her). "Nothing is going on, take these will you?" She passes her the rest of the drinks and turns away.

 

"Are you coming back?" Regina asks, struggling to balance the cold water bottles in her arms as well as the glass (well, plastic cup).

 

"I might"

 

"Emma!"

 

"Look don't worry about it, it's your big end-of-exams night, you're allowed go wild, go home with that guy if you want to"

 

It's not what she meant to say, she's not sure if that's what she was thinking but regardless it's what comes out. Regina’s eyebrows shoot up. With perfect timing Robin appears and throws a heavy arm over her shoulders. Emma's lip curls in disgust and she turns too soon to see Regina shrug him off. 

 

"Emma wait!" she shouts, but she doesn't. 

 

Regina returns to their friends without Robin. They take drinks gratefully and Marian leans into her, covers her ear and speaks.

 

“Where’s Emma?”

 

She shrugs and tries to blink back the the blurring in her eyes. Emma is so upset and angry with her, she has no idea what she’s done. She just wants to fix it, but Emma’s too upset to let her and she knows that when Emma is upset she won’t let anyone near her.

 

“Ok, outside” Marian takes her hand, leading them through the dance floor, up the stairs and outside.

 

The cold air hits them like they’ve been doused in water. It’s hardly fresh as the people who don't want to smoke on the dance floor do it outside instead. The queue to get in has shrunk considerably and the bouncers don't seem interested in them at all. 

 

“Right” Marian says, pulling a pack of Silk Cuts from her purse. Regina gasps in disapproval and shakes her head violently when offered one. Marian lights up, takes a drag and blows the smoke elegantly over her shoulder “what happened?”

 

“I...I have no idea” 

 

Regina retells the story, how good Emma had been all night, how they danced and how happy and safe she had felt, how she didn’t think Emma wanted to come to the club, what she had said about Robin. Her eyes fill with tears again as she remembers how Emma had dismissed her so sharply and left.

 

“Oh honey” Marian draws her into a hug. 

 

Her hip digs slightly into Marian’s but she doesn’t say anything. She lets her head rest on her shoulder as Marian rubs her back. She doesn’t cry but she wants to.

 

“She’ll probably come back. Don’t let Emma being a dick ruin your night, sweetheart”

 

“I just don't know what I did”

 

“You didn't do anything, it's Emma, who the fuck knows what her problem is? Maybe she's jealous no guys wanted to dance with her”

 

“That not it” Regina says, she'd watched her shrug off, ignore and dismiss guys all night.

 

“It doesn't matter, sweetheart, this is our night, we worked our arses off, tonight is for us to have a good time”

 

“Ok”

 

“Ok?”

 

“Yeah”

 

“You want to go back and dance? It’ll make you feel better”

 

“Yeah” 

 

Marian puts her cigarette out on the wall and flicks the butt effortlessly into a nearby bin. Regina is uncomfortable with how cool smoking looks on her.

 

“Smoking will kill you” she says as she follows Marian down the stairs

 

“Well something has to” she replies with a smile. 

 

Regina quirks an eyebrow at her. She is starting to feel better. Marian had been right about one thing at least. She spots Emma immediately, dancing with a guy none of them recognise.

 

“He doesn’t go to Terranova” Belle says when asked. Terranova is the boys’ school in the village that usually supplies the love interests for most of the girls at their school, seemingly by way of proximity.

 

“Maybe he went to her last school” Regina says, feeling like she shouldn’t care as much as she does.

 

“Maybe he’s just a hot guy who asked her to dance” Ruby adds, making a real show of getting an eyeful.

 

“Yeah. Damn, fair play Em” Belle says

 

Regina feels her feet rooted to the ground as she stares. Emma’s smiling but she doesn’t look like herself. She shakes her long hair away from her face with one hand as she dances, keeping her eyes cast down. She doesn’t sing the words, she just dances, and dances pretty closely to this guy. His hands slide over her hips and pull them closer together. 

 

Regina is shocked that Emma lets him. She doesn’t trust him, who is he? She watches him lean into her, hands sliding around her waist and listens to their friends wooping, not that she can really hear them. She turns and makes for the bar, finding a spot with stools.

 

“Can I have a bottle of water and a cup of ice?” she asks the bartender, handing over her ID before she can even ask. She takes it, looks it over and passes it back.

 

When it arrives it's tap water with ice in it, not what she had asked for. She takes a long drink of the water, then fishes out an ice cube and holds it tight in her hand. She lets her arm hang down between the stool and the bar so that no one can see and closes her eyes. The cold seeps into her and the water drips away. It feels like relief. The cold is nice, then it starts to hurt and it numbs her skin. The cube grows smaller and smaller and her breathing, that she hasn’t noticed is rough, starts to even out. She sighs.

 

“Tuaca” she hears someone say and her eyes snap open. 

 

“Emma” she says, hopping off her stool. Emma turns in time to see Regina drag her to one side by the arm.

 

“Fuck, why are your hands so cold?” Emma asks, goosebumps snaking up her arms at Regina’s touch.

 

“What are you doing? Why aren’t you with us? What happened?”

 

“Nothing happened, Ree. Anyway I found this guy I used to go to school with and we’re gonna hang out after this so don’t worry about me. Enjoy Robin.”

 

“Don’t be vulgar, you can’t go home with him, you don’t even know him!”

 

“I do!”

 

“What’s his surname?”

 

“Like, Jones, I think”

 

“Emma you’re drunk, I won’t let you-”

 

“You won’t let me? Why do you think you have any fucking say in what I do?”

 

“Because you’re my best friend and I care about you, I’m not letting you do this, it’s stupid”

 

“I’m not fucking stupid”

 

“Then come home with us!”

 

“When?”

 

“Now” Marian says, passing her a coat. 

 

“You’re leaving?” the guy whose surname might be Jones asks, holding two shots, one out to Emma.

 

“Pfft, apparently” she replies, reaching for it.

 

Regina is quicker, takes the shot from his hand and sinks it. It's vile but her face doesn't show it. She turns and leaves and the rest of them follow.

 

The taxi ride home is quiet. Ruby and Marian talk about the music, the drinks, the men. Belle falls asleep, head on her bundled up coat in Regina’s lap. Regina runs her fingers through her hair. Emma curls up in the corner and refuses to talk to any of them. She lives closest to town so is dropped off first. 

 

“See you on Monday” she mumbles, leaving a handful of money with Ruby.

 

“What’s going on there then?” Belle asks without opening her eyes. 

 

Marian laughs “we thought you were asleep”

 

“I’m in this for the long haul” she says and they laugh

 

Even Regina manages a smile. She presses a kiss to her temple. “You made it the whole way, well done”

 

“Seriously though, what happened?”

 

Regina can hardly remember what was said, she just remembers shock, anger and sadness, that Emma was drunk and making terrible decisions. Something else is bothering her and she can’t put her finger on it. She just feels awful, through and through.

 

“It all kicked off when that blonde guy started dancing with you” Ruby prompts

 

“Sounds like you’ve got a bit of a Brandy and Monica situation there, babe” Marian says, watching her carefully. 

 

That’s not it, she thinks. But what was it? She watches Marian too as if they’re having the same thought but neither will say it.

 

-

 

Monday heralds their last week as Lower Sixth. The exams are over and their classes are more about fun and tying up loose ends than actually learning. Regina is dreading it. She has a double literature class with Emma. They haven’t spoken since Friday night. Emma never has credit to text her back, but she hadn't text her in the first place. She’s nervous and despite being ready early, leaves the house much later than usual. The common room is busy when she gets there.

 

“God I thought you weren’t coming, you’re always here by now. It’s not like you have far to come!” Marian says as she enters.

 

She rolls her eyes in response and goes straight to her locker. There’s no other word to describe what she’s doing. She’s faffing. She hangs up her coat, tidies up and reorders her books, she checks her makeup (which is minimal, as per the school uniform code) even though she knows it's fine. She writes a quick to do list, the tasks on which she wouldn’t have forgotten anyway and then the bell rings. 

 

She had glimpsed Emma in her mirror and pretended she hadn’t.  She knows she’s on the sofa behind her and takes so long getting her books out that when she turns to follow her classmates out of the room she’s surprised to see Emma hasn’t moved.

 

“You’re going to be late” she says. Emma’s eyes are down, looking at her discman, headphones on. Regina walks up to her and repeats herself. Emma looks up this time, watches her for a moment and turns her music up louder. Regina hears it blearing out.  “Emma!”

 

She turns around to see if anyone is there. Marian holds the door open for the last few people out of the room and casts a concerned glance back at her.

 

“Ok, you don’t have to shout” Emma pulls the headphones off and looks up at her.

 

“I don’t want to fight” Regina says, lifting her arms and letting them fall back to her sides

 

“Then don’t”

 

“I mean it, something is wrong”

 

“Yeah” Emma laughs bitterly

 

“Please tell me what I’ve done”

 

“You haven’t done anything”

 

“Then please-”

 

“I thought you didn’t want to fight?” Emma stands, picks her books up lazily and leaves.

 

Regina watches her go and the door swings closed. She hadn’t expected her to still be angry. They have never fallen out over anything for this long before. She sighs heavily and follows slowly. She’s going to be late, but she really doesn't care.

 

Emma is nowhere to be seen at lunchtime that day, or for the rest of the week. She’s quiet with everyone and silent with Regina. She thinks she sees her staring once or twice in shared classes but when she looks up, her eyes are always diverted.

 

“Ok” Regina stands in the doorway of the common room, blocking Emma from being the last to exit, as she has been all week. “I’ve had enough of walking on eggshells around you. It’s the last day of term and I want my friend back” Emma almost winces but doesn’t speak. “If this is because I made you come back with us instead of sleeping with some guy you hardly know then I’m sorry that I didn’t trust you to make that decision, I’m sorry if that upset you. But I don’t think that’s what this is and I would do the same thing again.” Emma looks down at her shuffling feet. Regina soldiers on. “Did you not want to go to the club? Was that it? Did I force you? Because I was happy at the bar, I would have stayed there with you all night if you wanted.” Still she says nothing “Emma please! I know you’re angry about something. If this is your way of punishing me it’s unfair. How can I fix this if I don’t know what’s wrong?”

 

“You can’t fix it” Emma says sadly.

 

Regina’s heart just about breaks. Emma’s letting their friendship die over something she won’t even talk about? Maybe it’s not as important to Emma as it is to her, maybe Emma’s used to being surrounded by friends (though she knows she doesn't keep in touch with old school friends). In the two years since Emma had been at the school, Regina had never had more friends. Emma brings people together, building a little family that everyone wants to be in, and at the centre of it was them. Regina thinks of Emma as her best, maybe her only friend who is  _ her _ person first. Maybe that means less to Emma. 

 

She looks over her face, sad and there are bags under her eyes. She’s so sad and Regina just wants to pull her close and hug out whatever it is that’s hurting her. But she can't. Emma has set a boundary between them. It’s no longer her job, her right to comfort her. Emma’s eyes drop so she doesn't see Regina’s fill with tears. A week of silence and feeling like she's lost a limb had her resilience down already. Her defences are down to nothing.

 

“I can't believe you won't let me try” Regina says. 

 

Emma says nothing and it's the last thing Regina can take. She turns and strides away from her as fast as she can without running. She’s out of the senior school building in no time, using the front entrance for speed which she never does. She passes the junior school and is half way up the path to her house before her mask slips and she cries. She wants to go back in time to the bar with Emma, back to the taxi, back to the face Emma had pulled at her as she passed Regina queueing for the hall to take her final exam and how much better it had made her feel.

 

She makes it home, throws her blazer at the chair in the hallway and makes for the piano. She breathes carefully to slow her tears until she can wipe them away to read her sheet music. Who is she kidding? She doesn’t need the sheet music, she plays from her heart and it is sad sad sad.

 

-

 

Emma collapses back into the cushions of the common room sofa and pulls her headphones on again. She closes her eyes and tries to erase everything that has happened for the last week. It’s the last day of term, that’s all she has to get through before the summer begins and she can be by herself. The thought makes her stomach turn over. She doesn't want to be by herself, she wants to be with her friends, with Regina but she can't be with her, not feeling like this, anyway. A summer alone will fix things and then she can come back and be normal in the autumn. 

 

She feels like one of those teen wolf movies, standing staring into the bathroom mirror watching herself change with no control over it. She swallows the lump in her throat thinking of how good their night had been until it hadn't. She’s so angry at Robin Locksley for being clingy and ruining everything. She’s angry at Regina for not getting rid of him, but more than anything she's angry at herself. It would have been a different night without her immediate response of running away. And Regina had followed her and followed her and made sure she was ok when all she wanted was to disappear and make some awful choices that she could regret more than she regretted how she had behaved with her best friend. 

 

The song she's listening to ends and she hears the door open. Someone kicks her shoes and she jumps.

 

"What the fuck, Belle?"

 

"Emma, you're supposed to be heading to assembly"

 

"Yeah well you're supposed to be there already" 

 

"I was on my way, I just dropped off the registers and saw Regina practically running home. What did you do?"

 

"I didn't do anything!"

 

"You bloody well did!” She sits down next to her “She has done nothing but appease you all week and it hasn't changed anything. Did you want to go home with that guy that night? Too bad. Maybe next time. Get over it"

 

"I didn't- what?"

 

"Everyone thinks you've fallen out over that guy from Terranova, is that true?"

 

"Um" She thinks it sort of is but she doesn’t know. She doesn’t really know anything.

 

"Whatever it was it involves a boy, you both look bloody heartbroken!"

 

"I'm gay, Belle"

 

Belle blinks "What?"

 

That had fallen out of her mouth before she gave herself a chance to believe it. Did she even mean it? It’s true, she knows it is but it doesn’t feel like her. It doesn’t match up to the expectations she has of herself, of her life, of what her life will be like. She doesn’t want it, and now here it is out in the open anyway.

 

"The way you feel about boys I feel about girls" Emma says. ‘One girl, actually’ she thinks

 

"But you had a boyfriend, what was his name?"

 

"Neil, but I was more interested in his sister so..."

 

"So you're not fighting over a boy. Are you a couple?"

 

Emma's heart leaps in her chest "Nope"

 

"Is that why you're fighting?"

 

Emma sighs heavily "no, I only just realised or...I guess I've just accepted it. I didn't want to be this way"

 

"Was Regina horrible about it?" Belle asks, her eyebrows creasing in disapproval and Emma softens at how ready Belle is to defend her.

 

"No, she doesn't know"

 

Belle flings an arm around her shoulder "Are you sure she doesn't know you're in love with her?"

 

"I didn't say I was" Emma sits back a little but Belle holds her tight

 

"No you didn't, but you are, aren't you?" She asks and Emma doesn't reply, choosing to stare at the carpet instead "she's pretty clever. She'll figure it out. You should probably be the one to tell her though"

 

"What if..." Emma begins but a lump in her throat chokes her at all the terrible consequences she imagines for them, all the ones she's been thinking about for a whole week already. 

 

"Exactly" Belle smiles "what if?"

 

-

 

Emma rings the doorbell and buries her hands in her pockets. Claire, a tall woman with curly grey hair who perpetually smells like cleaning products answers the door in her apron, dusters hanging out of the pockets

 

"Hi Claire" Emma says

 

"Hello love" she replies with warmth Emma feels in her bones though she knows she doesn't deserve it.

 

"Is Ree here?" She asks though she knows the answer already. It’s summer, the windows are open and she could hear the piano as she walked up the drive. 

 

Claire steps back admitting her. "This your doing then, is it?" She tips her head in the direction of the drawing room, where music in strong minor keys pours from. “You two haven't fallen out have you?"

 

"Um, I don't know" Emma says, keeping her head down. She takes her shoes off and places them next to Regina's.

 

"Mrs Mills won't be home until late tonight, I'm cooking dinner if you're staying, alright?" Claire says and leaves her in the hall before she has a chance to say no.

 

Emma opens the door slowly and sees Regina at the piano. She has tied her hair up into a messy bun to keep in from her face while she plays. If she looked up she would see her standing in the doorway. The light from the window cascades half way across the piano, bathing her in light reflecting off its gleaming surface. Her face isn't wet but that doesn't mean she isn't crying. 

 

Emma closes the door gently and sits down, back pressed against it. She watches her play, sometimes watching her fingers dance across keys, sometimes watching Regina play with closed eyes. 

 

Her hands move furiously, playing out every thought and feeling, the hurt that she has carried around all week, every time Emma had left a room as she entered it, every time Emma left for a class when she would usually have waited for her, every time she sat with other friends at break times. All of it came out in fierce, painful waves. She draws down the end of the song she clearly knows by heart and sits with her back straight and eyes down.

 

"I wish you would tell me what I’ve done" she says quietly after a moment.

 

"You haven't done anything" Emma says from her place on the floor

 

"Maybe that's what's wrong, then. Maybe I should have done something? This week has been horrible. I've missed you" her voice is almost a whisper and her eyes stay down. 

 

She pulls the tie from her hair and it tumbles down, framing her face in loose curls and flicks.

 

"I've missed you too" Emma gets up and sits by her on the bench. “You didn't do anything, Ree. It's me. I...I'm messed up, I guess.”

 

Regina looks up at that. She can only see her from the corner of her eye, but she knows she’s getting ready to disabuse her of that notion, frown firmly in place.

 

“You know me, you know my life” she continues before she can be interrupted “and I don't have much that's just mine. I guess I felt like you were mine and when you danced with that guy I just felt like you chose someone else. The first guy that you saw that you knew”

 

“Emma it wasn't-” she begins

 

“I know, I know. I told you I was messed up, so...it doesn't really make sense, it's just how I felt, it wasn't reasonable. Sorry I was such a dick”

 

She feels warmth curl into her palm and looks up as Regina’s fingers slide between hers. 

 

“I accept your eloquent apology” she says with a smile that fades again “I'm sorry that...well I'm sorry I made you feel like that. You're not second best, you're number one, OK? You're my best friend” she squeezes “and I'm yours. And I love you! Don't you dare try going home with strangers again or I'll kill you myself”

 

Emma manages a small, lopsided smile and things feel a little bit better and quite a lot worse. Their knees knock together as Regina turns to her. 

 

“Ree there's something else” she says quietly and the ember that had ached in her chest all week kindles, setting a fire of anxiety ripping through her. She isn’t really doing this is she? The sparkle in Belle’s eyes swims in front of her face and she sees her mouth ‘what if?’

 

“Okay”

 

“I really don't want you to hate me” she says and holds her hand tighter.

 

“I don't hate you!” Regina protests

 

“Ok. Remember that in like 5 seconds time”

 

She looks up to a curious smile, leans across and presses their lips together. The butterflies in her stomach threaten to take over her entire body and throw her from the seat.

 

She pulls away but keeps her eyes closed. For a moment she lets herself pretend Regina is sitting with her and smiling, like she’s going to kiss her back any second, rather than the rejection that she’s certain is painted across her pretty face. 

 

She’s working up the courage to open her eyes and trying not to pass out when she feels Regina’s body shift. Her first thought is that she’s leaving. She’s going and maybe they'll never talk about this again and maybe that will be OK, maybe that is the best she can hope for. She thinks she should go too.

 

She looks up ready to make some excuse to leave but her words die on her lips. She stops breathing for a moment. Regina doesn't look angry. She doesn't look upset. She’s smiling. Is she laughing? That might be worse, but she isn't laughing, she’s smiling and her eyes sparkle and her grin only grows wider as she takes in Emma's expression of disbelief.

 

Regina leans into her and their lips touch again. Emma doesn't move, not even to kiss her back, not even when Regina's eyes close and she feels her smile against her lips. She stares at her eyelids until she pulls away and then she stares at her face, the brightness on it slowly descending into uncertainty.

 

“Emma?”

 

Every possible explanation for what is happening flies around Emma’s head. Every reason rolls out ahead of her, each new theory getting less and less plausible. Every doubt and insecurity fighting her increasingly wild theories for space in her mind.

 

Regina sits back and crosses her hands in her lap. She takes a slow breath in but it seems to stay in her chest as she waits

 

“I’m sorry” Emma says, getting to her feet “I um, I should go”

 

Regina deflates “what?” Emma’s already crossing the room. “Emma what is going on?”

 

“Why did you kiss me, Ree?” she asks.

 

It comes out more like a shout and Regina flinches. That feels awful on top of how awkward and stupid she already feels because she can't figure out what's happening.

 

“What?” Regina asks, getting to her feet too “Why did you kiss  _ me _ ?”

 

“I asked you first” Emma says

 

“Well you kissed me first” Regina replies

 

There’s a pause.

 

“Is that your answer? You kissed me because I kissed you? What does it mean?”

 

“It means I wanted to kiss you!” Regina stares angrily at her “Though I don’t know why, you’re an idiot” Emma looks away and she deflates a little more. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that” she says quietly “Emma I did kiss you because you kissed me” Emma’s jaw clenches “because I thought you were giving your permission, I suppose, and because I wanted to. I still want to”

 

She looks back to see Regina watching her defiantly. She wants to kiss her, she wants to say sorry, she wants to know what to do but she can’t move. Her limbs are made of lead and all she wants to do is run away.

 

“Leave if you want to” Regina says, pushing past her. Emma hears her run up the stairs and still can't move her feet. 

 

She covers her eyes and breathes out. “What is happening?” 

 

She rubs her eyes hard. She can feel Regina’s lips on hers as if they were still there. Regina had kissed her. She wanted to kiss her. Right? Was that what she said? She can't remember the words, only her big brown eyes, light then angry and full of hurt again.

 

If she leaves now she’ll have all Summer to recover from this, for Regina to forget about it, to be ready to see her every day at school again without feeling like a creep and like she needs her best friend at the same time. Regina is upstairs, she could easily leave. She leaves the room and heads for the front door, except that her feet take her up the stairs and before she knows it she’s standing outside Regina’s bedroom door. She knocks and opens it.

 

Regina is standing with her back to the door, facing the windows with her hands on her hips.

 

“Ree” Emma says, not knowing what she’s going to follow it up with. Regina ignores her anyway. “Regina” she tries as she walks up to her. The bedroom is big, big enough for her canopy bed, built in wardrobes, desk, inflatable sofa and (as Emma knows well) lots of room in the middle for dancing around. Regina stands in the middle of it and the space between her and everything else feels enormous.

 

Emma makes her way up to her and she still doesn’t move. She’s only slightly taller which means, she knows from their hugs, that they fit together perfectly. She slide her arms through Regina’s and pulls her gently into a hug. After a moment of resistance Regina relaxes into it, hands sliding over Emma's arms to hold her in place. Emma kisses her temple.

 

“Please don’t let me mess this up” Emma says. Regina sniffs and she realises she's crying. “Turn around” Emma says and she does though Emma’s hands remain around her waist. She wipes her tears with one and threads it back around her. Regina searches her eyes.

 

“What do you want, Emma?”

 

‘You’ she thinks, unable to say it ‘I just want you, I just want us’

 

Regina searches her face again, willing her to speak, to say what she can see because she needs to hear it. Emma leans down towards her again but Regina holds her arms to resist.

 

“Emma, please” she says, hands sliding up her arms in reassurance “you are too important to me, for this to mean nothing”

 

‘You're too important to me’ hits her like a freight train and water springs to her eyes against her will.

 

“It’s not nothing” she manages 

 

“Then what is it?” 

 

Emma swallows, head screaming at her to run while her feet are rooted to the spot and her heart pulls her towards Regina. 

 

“Emma you’re my best friend. I already love you. I need you to tell me what this is.”

 

“It’s” Emma begins, but doesn’t know what to say “It’s just you, Ree. I just want you” she closes her eyes, unable to let herself fall into Regina’s that seem so big they threaten to swallow her whole.

 

“You’ve got me, Emma” Regina says and a tear slips down Emma’s cheek. She wipes it away and kisses where it had been “I’m already yours”

 

Emma’s eyes open and her eyebrows crease. Regina smiles and slowly Emma’s copies her. Regina leans up and presses their lips tentatively together again. Emma closes her eyes this time and holds her tighter. Regina’s hand brushes her cheek and slides into her hair. She sighs and Emma’s certain they've both lifted off the ground. Her heart feels like it’s piecing itself back together. Regina pulls away and Emma follows, unwilling for it to end. She feels Regina smile against her lips and smiles too. 

 

“Your lip liner is going to be ruined” Emma mumbles. 

 

Regina lets her teeth graze her lower lip “I’ll live” she replies before kissing her again, and again, and again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music in this chapter:  
> ODB - Shimmy Shimmy Ya  
> Faith Evans - Love Like This  
> Lauren Hill - Doo Wop (That Thing)  
> Santana - Smooth
> 
> The music Regina is angry-playing is [The Heart Asks For Pleasure First by Michael Nyman. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsQBKr_x-P4)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for violence and homophobia

September 1999

 

Emma lies on her back concealed behind a navy blue sofa which is pushed back against the marigold wall of the common room. Her eyes are closed and she nods along to her music, smiling as she sings along in her head. She feels the door slam closed, the vibrations of people moving around then the door bangs shut again. She doesn’t open her eyes. She’s had this secret spot since the third week of her year in Lower Sixth, and at the beginning of Upper she has yet to be discovered by anyone. There’s a space a couple of inches wide where the top of the sofa back doesn’t quite reach the wide window sill. The window looks out onto pine trees and the junior school netball courts in the distance, so no one has much of a reason to come looking out of it. The window itself is a wide, tall casement, like all the windows in the old house that had been converted into part of the senior school. This of the building is home to the senior school reception area and admin offices downstairs, the Sixth Form common rooms, bathrooms, a small library,private music lesson rooms and storage spaces for the productions put on in the senior hall.

 

Light streams into the room and Emma is pleased that September is yet to turn cold. She very gently presses the skip button on her discman, impatient to skip the fading out song, when a shadow passes over her. It could be a cloud crossing the sun, but when she blinks her eyes open she sees big brown eyes sparkling at her in amusement. She tugs the headphones off and tinny music fills the small space.

 

_Oh place your hands on my hope, run your fingers through my soul...._

 

“Hi” Regina smiles at her

 

“What gave me away?” she asks, looking to check if her feet are sticking out.

 

“You tap your toes sometimes”

 

“No way”

 

Regina shrugs “Sometimes you hum but it’s quiet”

 

“What?!” Emma sits up on her elbows, trying to get a better look at Regina’s face to see if she's winding her up.

 

“I always know when you’re back here, but I need you now”

 

Emma frowns back at her. “You can’t always know when I’m back here!”

 

Regina only smiles wider at her “I do, and you can thank me for safeguarding your hiding place later, come on I need your help”

 

Emma sighs, deeply offended at the accusation of indiscretion and disappointed at being found out. She shuffles out of the space and takes the hand she’s offered. She dusts off her trousers, throws her discman onto the sofa and puts her hands on her hips.

 

“I have a free until two thirty” she says, thinking she might be about to told to go to classes.

 

“Great, come and help me move the piano please” Regina is already at the door ready to leave.

 

“Ugh, can’t you get a porter to do it?”

 

“Jock is off sick”

 

“Who is Jock?” Emma asks though she's following her anyway

 

Regina squints at her for a second “The porter”

 

“I’m jocking you” Emma says quietly, bumping into her from behind on purpose. Regina smiles, shoves her backwards and stalks out into the hallway.

 

The lunch tables in the senior hall have been put back to their storage space beside the kitchens.

 

“We need four benches, two on each side of the stage” Regina says as Emma catches up with her, hopping down the steps two at a time.

 

“Fine. What’s happening with the piano?”

 

“I just need to move it out a little”

 

They move four long wooden benches to the front of the stage and pull the piano out. Emma lifts the cover and plays Chopsticks while Regina hops up the steps behind them that lead to backstage. The long burgundy curtains open, Regina steps out and looks across the hall.

 

“I have no idea how you do this” she says

 

Emma had taken the lead role in BATS, the end of year production last term. Her favourite subject is drama which pairs very well with her other favourite subject, literature.

 

“It’s the easiest thing in the world” Emma says, looking up at her. “Someone has already written the words for you, you just have to say them”

 

“That’s not it though, you don’t just say the words. You’re convincing and you’re funny. You have very good timing” Regina says, now walking down the steps at the front of the stage and back to the piano.

 

“I have no idea how you do _this_ ” Emma says, nodding to the piano. Regina sits beside her and touches the keys with one hand.

 

“It’s the easiest thing in the world, someone has already written the notes, you just have to play them”

 

Emma grins and watches the hint of a smirk grow on Regina’s face, the little look she gets when she knows she's being funny. Regina’s other hand brushes the side of Emma’s and she glances up at the dinner ladies to see if anyone is looking. They aren’t, so while Regina’s fingers trickle over the keys, singing them a gentle melody, Emma leans over and kisses her cheek. Regina smiles but keeps playing. Emma kisses her again and her eyes close, still smiling, still playing. She kisses her jaw and Regina bites her lip. She kisses along towards her ear and Regina’s breath hitches. Emma sees the hairs on her arm raise just before she turns her head and Emma kisses her lips.

 

Her fingers leave the piano to slide into Emma’s hair and pull her closer. It’s sweet, Regina is sweet, all sparkling smiles and primness and propriety. Emma is an unknown quantity to most people but Regina knows her exactly. It has been six weeks since she first kissed Regina and it’s all new. The persistence of her soft lips is new, the way she likes to play with her hair is new, the soft sighs and gentle noises she makes are new too and they make her heart flutter. Emma has no idea how long she has been in love with her best friend, but the last six weeks have been hands down the best of her life so far. She flicks her tongue against Regina’s lip, asking for more. Regina opens her lips to give it when a voice rings out, scaring them both.

 

“Mrs Mills!” Ursula calls from the kitchens.

 

They spring apart and look over to the kitchens where the voice came from. They can’t see Cora but they can see Ursula, a dinner lady, smile plastered over her face leaning across the serving area. Emma creeps up the steps to backstage that also lead out of the hall. Regina wipes her mouth and picks up choir books.

 

“Do you have any news about how Jock is getting on?” Ursula asks

 

“I’m afraid not, Ursula. I’ll send a memo down when I do”

 

“That would be much appreciated, thank you Mrs Mills, have a lovely day”

 

A moment later Cora appears in front of the piano “is everything set up for the class?”

 

“Yes mother, I’m just putting out the music” Regina answers

 

“Good. Once you’ve finished stop by the office and drop this off.” she hands her a package “When is your next lesson?”

 

“Two thirty”

 

“Alright. It wouldn’t hurt for you to ask the ladies in the office if they need anything. I’ll see you at home”

 

Regina breathes again when she sweeps out of the hall.

 

“Thank you” she whispers to Ursula as she rushes from the other end.

 

“For what?” she asks smiling. Regina smiles back and hops up the stairs.

 

By the time she gets back to the common room it’s filling up again with her classmates. The sixth form dress in a uniform of sorts. They’re allowed black, navy or grey clothes. Skirt, dress or trousers. They have to dress smart. It’s a uniform that Regina feels gives her some freedom. Ten years of tunic, shirt and tie or skirt, shirt and tie, boxy jumper or shapeless, royal blue cardigan. Every morning now she dresses how she likes. She’s wearing a skirt and shirt with court shoes that clip pleasingly on the floorboards. She surveys the sea of variations upon "smart young lady" and smiles as Emma catches her eye. Of course her shirt is untucked and her shoes are nowhere to be seen. She talks animatedly to a group of new Lower Sixth who seem nervous about being in the room at all. They all smile as she speaks to them. One starts laughing and the others look nervously at her. Soon they all laugh and Regina smiles as she collects her books from her locker. They call them lockers but they are wooden cupboards that don't even have doors. You can't really lock anything anywhere. By the time Emma joins her, the three Lower Sixth girls look much happier to be there and talk happily among themselves.  
  
"Hey" Emma smiles

  
"Hey" Regina replies and glances around them. "I'd tuck that in if I were you" she nods to her shirt.  
  
"I will, I was just making the most of the last of my break" she pulls her shoes out of the locker next to Regina's and slips them on without unlacing them.  
  
"Thank you for your help earlier, it was much appreciated" Regina says pointedly and Emma smiles "I hope it wasn't all work and no fun"  
  
Emma's smile turns into a grin. She’s about to say something cheeky when the bell rings.  
  
"Geography?" Regina asks, leaning around Emma's side to look at her time table.  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"I'm in history. Want to go together?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"Is yeah all you can say?"  
  
"Yeah"

 

Regina smiles at her like if they were by themselves she would kiss her for her cuteness alone. Emma nudges Regina’s books with her own and they join a flood of senior students and make their way down to their classrooms. The corridors were built to link the old Victorian houses together, so they wind down the hill, sporadic windows giving views the school grounds.  
  
Once into the main corridor which leads to most of the classrooms they go up another flight of stairs to geography, Regina's classroom is up another so Emma watches her go, pretending she isn't. The last of the students clear out of the classroom and Emma's attention snaps to a girl saying "stop!"  
  
She’s surrounded by three others whose body language is pretty aggressive, they can't be much older than 14.  
  
"Hey, what’s going on?" Emma interrupts  
  
"She's bullying us!" One of the three says immediately. The other girl looks terrified and the group of three looks like they think Emma is gonna buy it.  
  
"That's not what it looks like to me" she says  
  
The three girls start talking all at once, listing the crimes of the girl stood behind them, clutching an orange exercise book to her chest. So she's heading to maths. The other girls’ books are blue so they have English. They're not even in the same year, Emma deduces.

  
Emma holds up a hand and they stop. "Just leave her alone. If I catch you at this again I'll take house points off you"  
  
They gasp in unison "But you're in Windsor too!" they say, pointing to the blue house badge bearing a castle that sits just below her prefect badge.  
  
"Then you know I really don't want to catch you at this again" Emma's hand is on her hip as the other balances her books. The girls slink away casting backwards glances at the other girl. "You ok?" Emma asks and she nods "what's their problem?” The girl mumbles something while she holds her books close to her chest. "You what?"  
  
"I'm a scholarship student" the girl says, blushing furiously and looking down.

 

Emma understands immediately, these rich girls don't think she belongs with them. They’re making her life hell because of something she has no control over, and even if she did, what right did they have to say she didn’t deserve to be there?

 

“Yeah?” she asks and the girl nods. The conversations going on around them hush to a level low enough for eavesdropping.

 

“Well so am I” Emma says and points to her badge “and I’m a prefect. You get out what you put in, kid. Prove them wrong, prove you deserve to be here, prove you’re better. That’s the best way to beat them” the girl’s eyes widen into perfect circles as Emma speaks “Now hurry up for class. If they don’t leave you alone, come and find me. Sixth Form common room. Ok?”

 

The girl nods and smiles as she runs off to her next lesson. Emma’s class stand around her and she doesn’t look at any of them as she falls back into line. She believes what she told that girl but years of feeling ashamed aren't so easy to brush away. She doesn't want to turn around and see the faces of people who hadn't know who might look at her differently now.

 

At the top of the stairs Regina’s history class are waiting for their teacher to arrive, they had all looked down at the scene. One who had leant right over the balcony to watch turns back to her friends and laughs loudly “God, did you hear that?” she covers her mouth as she laughs and looks back at Emma in false pity.

 

“Yeah” Regina laughs too and Emma looks up, eyes wide. Regina smiles back down at her with nothing but absolute pride “she actually earned her place here, unlike the rest of us. Your grades certainly wouldn't get you in, Felicity” She turns on her heel and sweeps past the girls, some of whom at least have the decency to look embarrassed.  


-

 

“Hi” Regina says catching Emma’s hands in hers.

 

Her class lets out a little late and she only catches up with Emma because she dawdles. She pulls her off course from the common room into a small room full of old wooden desks stacked on top of each other.

 

“Regina Mills” Emma says, folding Regina’s arms back behind her and pulling her closer “Do you know how in love with you I am?” Regina’s eyes sparkle, she bites her smiling lip and nods. “Do you know how much I like you?” she nods again “Do you know how much I want to kiss you?”

 

She shakes her head for barely a second before Emma’s lips touch hers and she laughs into it. Her hands slide free and one finds its way into Emma's hair, the other grasps her collar and pulls. They smile and kiss and pull closer together even though there’s no space left between them.

 

“How are we going to manage a year of this?” Emma asks when Regina pulls away.

 

She kisses her nose and the rounds of her cheeks.

 

“A year of what?” Regina asks as Emma drops kisses along her jaw and just below her ear.

 

“Sneaking around” Emma says, surfacing to look at her face

 

“We’re not sneaking” Regina challenges

 

“This is sneaky” Emma’s hands reach down past her waist and over her skirt and squeezes.

 

Regina raises an eyebrow “that is sneaky”

 

Emma’s hands find Regina’s and their fingers lace with each other.

 

“I want to take you out, go on a date, go do something. I mean, it's the 90s, it's ok to love who you love”

 

Regina nods agreement at her statement but gives her nothing more than that. Emma is on outside the bubble. For all she dislikes it, this private school with snobby pupils and their gossipy parents, the village with more sports cars than shops, this is her world. She knows the people in it and she knows what matters to them. She’s going to leave with her a-levels, her year as head girl and go to uni, do law, end up in a vibrant city with friends who care more about the world and less about things that don't matter. But Emma doesn't understand that. All she sees is a caged bird, she doesn't understand why it wouldn't fly if the door was open.

 

“Not yet” Regina says “let's just make it past Christmas and we can talk about it”

 

“Why Christmas?”

 

“Because it will be our last one here” Regina smiles and Emma settles.

 

She seems to accept her terms. They’ll sneak around for a little longer and then Emma will take her out again, give her the night she should have had after their exams. They’ll dance and sing and she’ll take her home at the end of the night, arm in arm. Her heart soars at the thought. Regina kisses her again gently, watching her mind reel.

 

“Are you going to Marian's party?” Emma asks

 

“On Halloween?”

 

“Yeah, I was thinking about going trick or treating, I bet people here give out Lindt and Ferrero Rocher and shit.”

 

“Oh yeah, that gold coin chocolate but it’s actually real gold coins” Regina plays along

 

“Ugh, tacky!” Emma says sarcastically

 

“I know, the whole thing is so vulgar” Regina agrees. “Anyway, I have a better treat for you” she cocks an eyebrow playfully.

 

“Holy shit” Emma kisses her neck and Regina slides her hands down her back

 

“Well it will be All Saints Eve” Regina says innocently

 

“Lord forgive me, I am a sinner”

 

-

 

Present

 

The sleeves of Regina's pale blue shirt are rolled up to her elbows. She rubs her head with the middle fingers of a hand that still holds her fountain pen.

 

“Regina, you need to accept these cuts” Emma says from the other side of the desk “It's the only way you can save the school, it has to go from somewhere. You've seen the minutes from Cora's meeting with Archie and the higher ups. They have already set the terms and since they haven't communicated them to you, I guess they're not expecting you to meet them. You need to beat them at their own game”

 

“By destroying my school?” Regina asks, gesturing to Emma’s drafted plan.

 

“You're saving it”

 

“By cutting after school classes, subjects offered, extra curricular activities and increasing class sizes?” She accuses

 

“25 kids per class is-”

 

“Too many! It's not just dividing attention per student it's a strain on the staff, more homework to mark, more progress reports to keep, more to keep a handle on day to day and it's not as if we’re offering to pay them more for doing more work, it's deeply unethical! And the actual classroom sizes won't allow for it anyway.”

 

“What is the classroom capacity?”

 

“20 at a push” she waves

 

“20 then and cut the number of scholarship and bursary places” Emma shrugs

 

“What?” She looks up startled

 

“You increased them in the good years and that was admirable”

 

“You can't be serious” Regina interrupts, staring at the indifference she can’t believe is on Emma’s face

 

“I am”

 

“Of all the people to want to get rid of scholarship places I thought you would understand”

 

“Don't you dare use that against me” Emma's face creases in anger “I don't want fewer scholarship places, you need them. And bigger class sizes and a more diverse faculty because coed schools need coed teachers. There's no evidence to support female teachers being better than male”

 

“Yes well I'm working on that, I can't undo all my mother’s work overnight”

 

“You've had three years”

 

“And she had twenty eight!” Regina snaps

 

They stare across the desk like two predators coiled to spring, until Emma moves. She sits back and rubs her face with both hands.

 

“I know this is hard” she says, leaning back in her chair with hands resting on her head. Her right foot is balanced on her left knee, her body language is open, she hopes Regina recognises it. “The school is beautiful, you love it, you've done a great job.” Regina scoffs “No, you have. I can see it in every end of year report. You've improved diversity, accessibility, grades, lunches, the staffing has been well managed, the library programme has taken off, you offer more languages than any other school in the county, you have bloody Duke of Edinburgh candidates and Brownies coming out of your ears.” Regina smiles despite herself. “The school is thriving, but the council cares about spreadsheets more than any of that”

 

“I've decreased deficit by-”

 

“By 65% over three years, I know. It's really, really impressive”

 

Regina sighs “but it's not enough”

 

Emma shakes her head. “You have created something really beautiful” Regina isn't looking at her but she sees her eyes soften. “But Cora set you up to fail”

 

Regina's eyes close. She knows it. She read the minutes, the email trails, the memos passed between the school board and the council.

 

“I have a suggestion” Emma says checking her watch “It’s after six. Henry must be bored, let's take this back to the house, order some food, finish the chianti you and Marian opened the other night and get a solid plan together”

 

“The chianti might be gone”

 

Emma laughs “valpolicella?”

 

Regina considers her for a moment, long enough for Emma to doubt if she's crossed another line of familiarity and is about to be banished back.

 

“I want Spanish food tonight.” she says, getting up “we’ll order from Galacia. I found a few bottles of good mencia from our holiday last year”

 

-

 

Regina meets Emma by what appears to be complete chance at the council offices, ready to protect the school from the trap she knows she's walking into. She accidentally glances over Emma and passes it off as a critical appraisal. She’s smart in slim black trousers, black mackintosh and black and white heels that clip on the pavement as she walks. They stop outside the glass doors.

 

“Nice jacket, are we going for a team uniform?” Regina asks with smugness she doesn’t really feel.

 

“You didn’t invent Burberry, Regina, you just wear it like you did” Emma turns, rolling her eyes and heading inside leaving the door slowly closing behind her.

 

Regina’s eyes narrow at the compliment dressed as an insult, determined to at least pretend to be offended and not let the rush of nerves she just felt show on her face.

 

She knows her way around the council but let's Emma lead a few steps ahead given the brusk greeting.

 

“Good morning” Emma says as she enters the meeting room.

 

She doesn’t hold the door for Regina, as if she doesn’t know she’s behind her. The room is square and wood panelled with deep blue carpets. Archie glances up and offers her a weak smile. Looking around the table she sees one of Archie’s council coworkers and two members of the school board flanking-

 

“Mother?” Regina freezes in the doorway.

 

“Hello dear” Cora says with a smile that's not at all welcoming

 

Emma puts her satchel on the desk by Archie and goes hang her coat up.

 

“You’re, you’re...back from your trip?” Regina says, still standing in the doorway.

 

“Only passing through, and conveniently heard this little meeting was going ahead. I thought I’d drop in and offer some support” Cora says, the men on either side of her nodding in corroboration.

 

Emma smiles, seemingly in genuine amusement “Very gracious” she says as she takes her seat.

 

Cora’s attention turns to her like a bird of prey that had spotted something easier to target.

 

“Emma. So nice to see you again” she looks pointedly at Regina then back to Emma. Regina wants the ground to open up and swallow her whole “and what a coincidence”

 

“Cora” Emma smiles “the pleasure is all mine”

 

“Miss Swan” the school board members greet her and introduce themselves. She greets them in return and Regina finally makes it to the last remaining seat, having no choice but to sit next to Emma.

 

“So, if you’ll refer to the agenda I sent-” Emma says, pulling documents from her bag.

 

“Oh I don’t know that we need all that” Cora interrupts and the school board reps stop turning through the meeting papers immediately “let’s get straight to the point”

 

Regina feels sick. It takes all of her energy to keep her chin up, to look present even though she doesn't feel it. She feels like she's watching from outside of her body.

 

“Fine” Emma says. She places the agenda on the table and smooths it out. Regina watches her use her thumb to crack the knuckle of the little finger on the same hand. “Everyone has had a copy of my preliminary assessment. The school is incredible”

 

“Thank you dear, but you’re not being paid to fluff egos” Cora smiles at the board members and they return it at sycophantic speed.

 

“No” Emma agrees “which is why you should take what I say seriously. The school is incredible”

 

Regina turns in her seat to look at her. Is she hearing things? She had seen Emma’s report before she sent it and Emma herself had been instrumental in Regina’s proposal, but she hadn’t heard this before.

 

“I mean, whatever metrics you use to looks at it, it’s excelling and only getting better. Look at the climb up the league tables, it offers more languages than any school in the North West, exam scores are through the roof, the campus is beautiful, the pupils are happy, the scholarship programme is award winning, the teachers all agree that Ms Flores is doing a brilliant job and you’ll see from her report that the school’s finances have made a significant improvement. Two more years and they will actually make money and I imagine that will only go to benefit the local community, green initiatives that are in the pipeline, the students and parents alike ought to be very excited about what is to come. Frankly I’ve never seen a case like this, and I can’t imagine what you want to achieve from this review other than to check in as a matter of course, which I assume you're doing with the other schools in the area, although I haven't heard much about that.”

 

Cora’s mouth is a barely visible line. Her cronies are silent, waiting for a lead to follow. Archie is doing a poor job of hiding a smile. The council employee taking minutes is still scribbling furiously and looking between them all.

 

When Emma glances at Regina she knows she’s smiling though she can't really feel her face. She’s impressed, so impressed with everything Emma has seen, the information she has gathered and how well she speaks to the people who, if they’re honest, are out to get her.

 

“That was quite a speech, Emma” Cora says, folding her hands on the table.

 

“Before I forget, I’d like to formally ask why it was that the school wasn’t informed of the review” Emma says in one breath.

 

Regina manages not to gasp, but only just. Emma is looking hard at Cora who, for a moment looks like she’s going to snap something, but instead after a moment she laughs.

 

“We were, Miss Swan” She rolls her eyes at Archie, who is trying not to give anything away and failing completely.

 

“Cora” Emma rubs her forehead briefly “when I say the school I’m talking about the people who actually work there. The headmistress, the bursar, the trustees”

 

“Well, I am a trustee dear”

 

“More than one trustee”

 

“You’re being dramatic” she scoffs

 

“It doesn’t make my job any easier and having to explain why I’m there over and over is a waste of my time and thereby your money. I thought the council was looking to cut wastage. I can't understand why you wouldn't pass on such vital information if you actually wanted it to be of any use” Emma sits back in her seat and looks at Cora with a firm gaze.

 

Regina can barely believe she’s awake and this is really happening. She gently presses her nails into her knee where her dress ends and tights begin. It hurts. She opens the pages of her agenda. The words are all there, they make sense. She knows that mirrors and writing don't work in dreams. She’s definitely awake and Emma is fierce in her fight for the school. Archie is giving her some bullshit excuse about lost memos and Cora’s mask is fully intact, which means she’s threatened. She checks the words on the agenda again. It's definitely happening.

 

“Well it’s too late to change that now” Emma dismisses.

 

The table is silent. Regina’s jaw is clenched to keep from smiling. If anyone is going to keep up the pretence of wanting to keep the school open there isn’t much they can say to contradict her.

 

“So back to the agenda, if I could direct you to appendix two” Emma continues.

 

Regina could kiss her, there and then for everyone to see. She’s completely in control, unfazed, unemotional, direct and she has shut Cora down completely. She'll regroup, she always does but Regina has never seen anything like this. Her teenage heart soars and she tries not to blush thinking about how protective Emma is of her and the school. Cora had aimed a few blows at Regina: Taking credit for the state of the school, acting as if Regina wasn’t worth informing of the review, the insinuation that Emma was only fluffing her ego; and Emma had deflected every single one.

 

The meeting ends with another date set to convene once the reports and proposals have been reviewed. Emma leaves the room quickly and Regina wants to follow, but for appearances accompanies her mother to the reception area.

 

“How is your trip? I haven’t heard from you in weeks” she asks as Cora throws a cape around her shoulders theatrically.

 

“Oh it’s lovely” she replies, but that’s all she says

 

“And you are just passing through?” She asks ‘through here?’ she wants to add but doesn’t.

 

“That’s right”

 

“Were you planning on visiting us?”

 

“Why? Do you need something? No dear I wasn’t going to visit.” That stings. She hasn’t seen them in months but she wasn’t going to even call in. If she truly was passing through Regina would never have seen her if it wasn’t for this meeting. She decides to ask outright, whether she’ll like the answer or not. Sometimes the asking of the question is more important than the answer.

 

“Why were you really here?” She smooths her coat over her arm as she asks

 

“I had to make sure you were well supported dear, I didn’t want you making any rash announcements” Cora says, eyeing Emma at the reception desk, talking to a secretary about parking.

 

“I am not rash!” Regina replies in surprise.

 

“Oh” Cora smiles coldly and touches her arm “I think Henry disproves that statement”

 

She exhales shortly as if she’s just been winded. Cora’s smile stays plastered in place as she air-kisses Regina’s cheek. She watches her leave and get into her car in complete disbelief. Cora dismisses Henry as a rash decision, a failure, another mistake she had been called in to handle, and now he’s another stick to beat her with. She watches her lower the blind in her car to check her lipstick. She doesn’t know when she’ll see her next but she hopes it isn’t for a long time.

 

Emma appears in front of her and passes over a folder with a sticky note on top.

 

“That’s the missing appendix” Emma says and glances at the post-it on the front.

 

‘ _She’s still watching. Thank me and shake my hand. I’ll call you later. You did great.’_

 

Regina looks up, Emma checks her phone, feigning slight indifference.

 

“Yes, thank you Miss Swan” She holds out her hand “See you at the school, I suppose”

 

Emma takes her hand, shakes it once briefly and nods “Have a good one” and with that she’s gone.

 

The next meeting is just over a week later. Regina is surprised it's taken Cora that long to rally her troops but she can't complain. As far as she knows nothing has changed. They might actually be able to do this. Emma hasn't been around the school as much and she's sure it's just a hangover from how impressed she was in the meeting, but she doesn't really like her absence.

 

“Nice dress” Regina says as Emma meets her in the reception of the council office “no power suit today?”

 

“You should know better than anyone that you don’t need to dress like a man to be respected like one” she grins as she pushes past her to sign her car into the parking log.

 

Regina gets that rush of nerves again as she watches Emma's hair tumble over her shoulder as she leans down to the desk to sign.

 

“You coming, Ms Flores?” Emma asks, seeming to straighten up and stride away in one movement

 

“Right behind you, Miss Swan” she purrs back and could swear she sees a glint of something in Emma’s eyes.

 

That was a bad move. She has to perform in the meeting and she can't to do that if she spends the whole time wondering if Emma as an adult is as naughty as Emma was as a teenager. She rolls her eyes and walks through the door Emma holds open. She might swing her hips a little more than usual.

 

The meeting is catered so they both help themselves to hot drinks before they settle on opposite sides of the table. Emma stirs her coffee and talks with the meeting clerk. Regina sips tea and watches her through the steam.

 

“Hi” a man says as blows through the door “shall we get this started then? Denise, coffee”

 

The clerk gets up from the far side of the room to pour coffee which is directly behind him. Emma looks like her eyebrows might detach from her face at any moment. He opens a laptop and begins typing. “So introductions” he says, without looking up.

 

“Emma Swan, independent reviewer” Emma says with a hint of uncertainty in her voice.

 

She glances at Regina who cocks an eyebrow at the man.

 

“Regina Flores, headmistress”

 

“Ah yes, Cora’s girl. You do look alike” he says, glancing down her.

 

“Excuse me?” She says but he ignores it.

 

She stares hard back at him and sees Emma wipe her mouth from the corner of her eye.

 

“Tom Spencer” he says, “council, obviously”

 

“Right, are we expecting Archie too?” Emma asks

 

“Oh I doubt it” he says with a laugh as if there’s a lot more to the story that they aren't going to get. Regina does her best not to sigh.

 

“So Tom, have you had a chance to read the meeting papers?”

 

He pushes his computer to one side “Look, you've got to look at this from an unemotional perspective.” She glances at Emma who looks like she wants to reach across the tables and slam his face into it. “Who’s making money from this?” He places his hand territorially on the table, fingertips circling it like that was the school. “I mean, that's your fundamental question” he gestures to Emma and lets his hand fall loudly to the table surface. “Who's making the money? Where's it going? Who does it benefit?”

 

“The money goes back into the school which benefits-” Emma begins

 

“Exactly” he cuts her off “it's going back to the school, which is, pfft” he wipes his beard and stares between them again.

 

“Which is ideal” Emma says, though her jaw is set “and benefits everyone, the council included”

 

“No no no, you're missing my point” he flicks his tie so it doesn't get caught as he repositions in his seat “I've been doing this for a long time” he pauses and looks around.

 

Emma rolls her eyes. He’s literally taking up as much physical space in the room as possible, and now he's taking up time with nonsense as well. He’s just throwing it away as a display of dominance. Regina watches him, eyes flitting over everything from his well manicured nails to the tweed of his jacket, to the way he slurps his coffee as if he never learned to drink properly.

 

“I've been doing this for a long time and it doesn't work when the schools support themselves, you know? Who has oversight of this?”

 

“The council and the school board-” Emma says

 

“I mean you can't run around doing whatever you like” he points at Regina with two fingers. She wants to snap them in half “you know”

 

“That's not how it works” Regina says

 

“No well it wouldn't, would it?”

 

She frowns. He’s being obtuse on purpose. It’s a tactic. He can do anything he wants and he’s showing them. He’s wasting their time on purpose and there’s nothing they can do.

 

“You're misunderstanding” Emma says

 

He looks over his glasses at her in what looks like the most head-teachery thing she has seen since Regina looked at her the same way in her office on her first day.

 

“The oversight comes from independent elected members” Regina says “it's a fairly basic and effective structure, one the council has repeated in schools all over the county”

 

He gets up to take a selection of sandwiches. Regina continues, watching him out of disbelief. Everyone is listening except him, but he’s the only council representative there. He fills a plate with a variety of triangle sandwiches and loudly crunches a biscuit while he pours more coffee.

 

“There are three levels of oversight built into the school’s structure, there are committees and liaisons and that's before the council is even involved. The council has members on the board and could easily-”

 

He puts his plate down loudly and begins eating.

 

“-propose changes which would have to go through the same processes they would with any school”

 

There’s a pause while he wipes his hands. Regina looks at Emma who is now openly staring at him in disgust.

 

“It's actually a really modern system for a school as established as this one” Emma says, leaning forward on the table once she shakes out of the mesmerisation.

 

“And that's what we want” he says “modernisation, to be at the forefront”

 

His phone buzzes on the table three times before he answers it. He leaves the room without excusing himself.

 

“I'm gonna grab a sandwich while we wait for him” Emma gets up, looks at Regina and tilts her head at the table.

 

“Don't be disheartened” she whispers as she refills her coffee

 

“He's not even listening” Regina picks up a sandwich she hasn’t even looked at and puts it on her plate.

 

“He is, he’s avoiding” Emma pours her milk

 

“What's the point?” Regina asks, hand now on her hip

 

“This isn't just about him, he's making it seem like it is but it's not his call, he's just an intermediate boss level you have to get past”

 

“He’s a nightmare, god I wanted to slap-”

 

“He’s supposed to be a nightmare. Honestly, this is Cora trying to put us off-”

 

“What if it’s not? What if this is really it? They’ve already decided and this is just for appearances?” Regina fumes

 

“Ree it’s ok” Emma squeezes her arm “if this was just for appearances they would be making nicer than this”

 

They sit back down and the silence is awkward.

 

“Is he always like this?” Emma asks. Denise glances at Regina, then back at Emma and nods. “God, how do you stand it?”

 

She smiles “I don’t have to work with him a lot, he’s a manager in marketing, he’s just covering until they have replaced Archie?”

 

Emma sits bolt upright, Regina nearly puts a crick in her neck looking up from her emails so quickly.

 

“He’s on leave”

 

“Like, annual or sick?” Emma asks

 

“Um, I don’t know”

 

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. I just...we’re friends, I guess, so I just wanted to make sure he’s ok”

 

“I think he is” Denise says with a less than comforting amount of uncertainty.

 

“Look I’m going to have to cut this short, it was great to meet you girls” Tom appears,  grabs his laptop and disappears in a matter of seconds.

 

Denise leaves the room swiftly leaving Regina and Emma staring at each other.

 

“What the actual fuck” Emma says eventually “I’m going to sort this out. I’ll call you later”

 

“What? Emma wait” Regina says, but she doesn't. Emma’s gone and all she can do is leave too.

 

-

 

Regina answers her door in jeans, a shirt that’s too big for her and thick rimmed glasses.

 

“You said you were going to call, not call ‘round” she says frowning at Emma standing on her porch with a bottle of wine.

 

“I know, but I was too annoyed to phone. Look what I found at the wine shop in the village!” she holds up the bottle.

 

Regina’s frown holds while she reads the label “Is that French wine?”

 

“Yeah! Matured burgundy and it’s worth like twice what I paid for it. Why are you looking at me like that?” Emma asks as Regina’s head tilts to the side

 

“You brought French wine to my house?”

 

“What’s your problem with French wine?” she almost laughs

 

“I drink Spanish” she says like it's the most obvious thing in the world

 

“You drink Italian all the time!”

 

“I drink Italian when I don’t have Spanish” she corrects

 

“But you don’t drink French?”  Regina shakes her head with a look of disgust “That’s ridiculous. God, nevermind! Do you want me to leave it outside?”

 

“Don’t be dramatic” Regina leaves her on the porch with the door open.

 

Emma rolls her eyes and follows her into the kitchen.

 

“Fake blood?” she asks, spotting a packet on the kitchen island.

 

“Henry’s” Regina replies, pulling two glasses from the cabinet.

 

Emma watches her reach for them. Her tshirt comes up and her side is a little exposed. She looks away quickly.

 

“Cool, does he cosplay?” she asks, pretending to be really interested in the recipe books on the shelf near the door. They would be covered in dust if Regina didn’t still employ a diligent cleaner. When Regina doesn’t reply she turns around. She’s frowning at her again. “What? Is cosplay big in France? It is a sore point?” She asks playfully

 

“Do you have any idea what day it is?” She holds the bases of the wine glasses still. Her gaze is intense. Emma’s in trouble but she can’t think why.

 

“It’s Friday?”

 

Regina’s eyebrows raise. She turns her attention to the wine she has decided they are drinking, uncorks it, pours two glasses, slides Emma’s across the counter and takes a large sip of her own. Emma watches, unsure of what to do. She knows Bonfire Night is coming up because she just spent much more money than she had intended on a pair of wellies to attend the local firework display.

 

“You really are as unaffected by it all as you seem, aren’t you?”

 

Regina’s phone rings before Emma can answer.

 

“Hey” Regina says, passing Emma to leave the kitchen. “I’m fine, how are you?..I am...No don’t come over. What are you doing tonight?..That sounds awful” she laughs “I was going to watch Friends With Benefits and...oh shut up, you’re a terrible friend”

 

When she returns to the kitchen Emma has looked up what day it is and stands awkwardly with her hands in her pockets. “I think I should go”

 

Regina glances at the phone, google search screen still illuminated, then at Emma. The tips of her ears are turning pink. “Fine”

 

“Are you...do you have plans tonight?” Regina shakes her head “Fuck, Ree- I mean Regina. Fuck. I’m sorry”

 

“How do you forget?” Regina asks, rubbing her forehead “How can you forget what happened? How can you be alright?”

 

“I haven’t forgotten, Regina I just don’t think about it all the time.”

 

Regina is standing with one hand on her hip, the other now rubbing her temple as if a headache is coming on.

 

Emma takes a risk and asks what she's wanted to ask for weeks “How can you live here, with everything that happened?”

 

“I didn’t have a choice” Regina says

 

“Bullshit. You think you didn’t have a choice, why? Because of the school? Because of Cora?”

 

“Yes”

 

“That’s crap! You didn’t need them!”

 

“I needed you!” Regina shouts

 

For a moment they fall back in time by twelve years. They’re standing in Regina’s bedroom being more honest with each other than either of them can stand.

 

“I know you did” Emma says “I needed you too. As soon as I left I knew I shouldn’t have”

 

“Why didn’t you come back for me?” Regina asks, looking at the floor

 

“I did.” Emma takes a step towards her “When I pulled myself together I came back but you were at uni and I thought you had moved on. Belle said you were with some guy-”

 

“I wasn’t”

 

“I know. I know that now” Emma feels like there’s a hole in her chest. “Henry’s dad?”

 

Regina nods and Emma remembers how quickly she had run and hates herself for not going to see for herself, to hear it from Regina.

 

“Why didn’t you call?” Regina asks

 

“I didn’t know how. What if Claire answered, or Cora, or what if you answered? What would I have said?”

 

“I just” Regina begins and stops herself. “I wish you had let me know you were ok”

 

Emma nods. She’s not used to letting people know she’s ok. Before Regina nobody had really cared if she was ok. Before Regina she had been kind of ok, if lost. With her she had been on top of the world. Without her she had been sleepwalking through life just to manage.

 

“I’m sorry” Emma whispers and wipes her eyes. Regina looks away. “I don’t blame you for hating me”

 

“I’m so tired of it, Emma. I want it to be over. I’m exhausted”

 

Emma’s not sure if she’s talking about them, about what happened or about the school.

 

“I think Cora’s going to raise a conflict of interest against me”

 

“That’s...not appropriate”

 

“Well” Emma shrugs “she might have a point. I care too much to be objective.”

 

“You’ve been very objective so far”

 

“Yeah” Emma smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes “but it’s getting too much. I want the school to stay open”

 

“Is that a bad thing?”

 

Emma ignores her “I’ve seriously compromised myself to show you I’m on your side, and I am, and I don’t regret doing what I did. That should have been enough for me to know, but things get hazy around you. I forget what I thought was important and nothing else really seems to matter, so…”

 

“So you’re helping me in spite of your professional opinion, not because of it?” Regina asks

 

“I don’t know anymore”

 

“Out of guilt?” she persists

 

“No. There’s no making up for leaving. I haven’t even tried to make up for that. I just wanted to be your friend and I’ve ended up…”

 

“Ended up what?”

 

“I’ve lost sight of what I came for”

  


-

 

Halloween 1999

 

“Hello” Regina smiles when she opens the door.

 

“Trick or treat?” Emma asks

 

“Treat” Regina replies, kisses her on the cheek and steps back “are you coming in?”

 

“Am I allowed?”

 

“Of course you are, I’ll just tell mother we’re leaving”

 

“No need, dear, I’m here” Cora smiles coldly in the hallway

 

“Ok” Regina says, slipping into her shoes.

 

“What are you going as, Miss Swan?”

 

“A vampire, Mrs Mills” she puts her fake teeth in and smiles.

 

Cora’s eyebrows rise slowly in general disapproval. “Both of you?”

 

“Yes mother, my teeth are in my bag” Regina says, tying her coat belt around her waist. “I’m staying at Marian’s tonight so I’ll be back tomorrow morning” she says as she reaches up to kiss her on the cheek.

 

“Are you staying at Marian’s too, Miss Swan?”

 

“Yeah” Emma replies

 

“‘Yes’ Miss Swan”

 

“Uh yes, Mrs Mills” Emma repeats

 

“Bye” Regina says, closing the door behind herself.

 

They are down the steps and heading down the drive, the opposite way to the school, before Emma speaks again.

 

“What time is Marian expecting us?”

 

“Around ten” Regina replies

 

“Wow, it’s only seven”

 

“I know” Regina smiles lasciviously.

 

As soon as they pass the trees that put them out of the view of the house she kisses Emma and she melts. It lasts longer than she intends but she can't complain, and they do have three hours to fill.

 

“Come on” she links Emma’s arm and they set off in the direction of the school.

 

It’s already dark and the further they get down the hill, the more trick or treaters they see. They slip into the unlit driveway entrance of the school.

 

“Maybe we should have brought torches” Emma says, straining to see into every shadow

 

“Oh sweetheart, are you scared of the dark?”

 

“Fuck off, I’m just saying this is a pretty convenient place for a murder, no one would find us until Monday morning”

 

“That’s true, except no one knows we’re here, no one is around so if you were going to murder someone, wouldn’t you try to find somewhere, say, where there are people?”

 

“Good point”

 

“Are you less scared now?”

 

“Not really”

 

They bypass the junior school, head down the steps canopied by trees and down to the senior school.

 

“Won’t we set off the alarm?” Emma asks

 

“Not if we go in through the side”

 

“How are we going to get in?”

 

“There’s a spare key” Regina lets go of her arm, grabs the curve of a drainpipe and pulls herself up onto a ledge that runs along the wall. She can just about reach the sill of the only window that gives light to the pottery room. She stretches above her and nudges a plant pot out of the way. When she hops down she brandishes a key with a very smug look on her face. Emma can’t really see it, but she knows it’s there.

 

“This school has some serious security problems”

 

“Yes well, more fool them” Regina says, unlocking the side door quietly.

 

Once inside it feels less scary, and more naughty. Emma had never thought about being quiet in the school but now she does she notices how loud the wooden floor boards make their footsteps. She knows the route to the common room and can do it with her eyes closed, which helps since she can’t seen anything. Regina’s hand slips into hers anyway and leads her around the corner of the corridor and through what was once the back door of the Victorian house at the front of the senior school.

 

She hears the brass door handle twist and the lock slide open. The door doesn’t creak and the lush carpet muffles their steps.

 

“Step” Regina whispers as they go through the door.

 

“I know” Emma replies and feels her hand squeezed.

 

She can see Regina only vaguely silhouetted against the white walls of the entrance hall. She slides around the bannister and tugs Emma along after her. They both skip the step they know creaks.

 

At the top of the stairs the carpet changes to something much less luxurious and much more practical to deal with the hundreds of pairs of shoes that beat it daily. Their steps are audible again but they hurry across the landing anyway, to close to their destination not to rush. Once the common room door swings closed behind them they let go of the breaths they had been holding. Moonlight streams in through the windows of the Lower Sixth rooms and Emma can see much better than before.

 

“Hi” Regina smiles and slides her arms around Emma’s neck

 

“Hi” she replies and kisses her.

 

-

Present

 

“What did you come here for?” Regina asks. Since they're being so frank she might as well get some answers. She doesn't give herself time to wonder if she wants to know them.

 

Emma shrugs “I guess I was curious”

 

“Curiosity killed the cat” Regina says and swirls the wine in her glass

 

“Yeah but satisfaction brought it back” Emma replies

 

“And did you find satisfaction?” Regina asks with a tilt of her head and narrowed eyes.

 

Emma sighs and puts her keys back down on the counter. “Yes, in some senses I did”

 

“But not in others?”

 

“What do you want me to say?” Emma asks “I’m not playing cat and mouse with you. What do you want from me?”

 

“I want you to be professional, to help me save my school”

 

“That’s not it” Emma steps closer “that's what I'm doing, it's something else”

 

“I want you never to have come here in the first place” Regina snaps

 

“That’s not it either” Emma’s eyes are digging into her, scraping away layers of falseness that protect her, tearing down walls of defense like she always had, until she stands there as bare and raw as Emma herself.

 

“I want you to be as fucked up by this as I am!” Regina says finally “I was doing so well, I have Henry and my mother has gone and the school was improving. My life was good”

 

“Until I came back? You know the review would be happening whether I was here or not, right?”

 

Regina closes her eyes “You just bring back a lot”

 

“I can imagine” Regina looks up “Well it’s weird for me too. I really didn’t think I’d see you, I thought Cora had retired. Really I thought it would be a weird trip down memory lane but it’s turned into way more than that. I thought you would be long gone, some high flying London job, Prince Harry chasing you for a date”

 

Regina rolls her eyes and smiles “Honestly, you are never going to forgive me for saying he was cute once, are you?”

 

“He isn’t! Or at least he wasn’t. You’re still out of his league”

 

“He’s literally royalty”

 

“He’s a second son with some really demanding relatives” Emma dismisses

 

“And who decides what my league is? I’m not sure it should be you, you’re biased”

 

“I’m not biased, I’m well informed”

 

“And apparently a better catch than a prince”

 

“Oh no way, I was never in your league, are you kidding? I tore myself apart about it”

 

“I remember, you spent a week punishing me for something that wasn’t even true!”

 

“I wasn’t punishing you, I was trying to piece my broken little heart back together” Emma places a hand over her heart.

 

“Well” Regina is still smiling when she looks away “even you needed help with that in the end”

 

Emma watches her tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. She’s looking at the wine glasses as if she’s going to ask if she’s staying.

 

“Do you think we’ll ever be friends again?” Emma asks and the smile drops slowly from Regina’s face. The light in her eyes fades at the reminder that they aren't. She regrets asking, maybe they could have kept pretending and she could have learned to live with an uncomfortable lie instead of the unbearable truth.

 

“Do you want to be friends?” Regina asks.

 

“Yeah, I think so. Do you?” She asks and watches her bite the inside of her lip like Henry does while he’s doing his school work “you don't have to answer that, it's ok. It would be really nice to be in your life again, but it's your decision”

 

“Why is it my decision?”

 

“Because I took the choice away from you in the first place”

 

Regina purses her lips again and nods.

 

“I feel like trying to make it up to you would have been tacky”

 

“And misguided judging by your taste in wine”

 

Emma smiles “I mean it, I just wanted to show you I was on your side, I guess. That I think you're doing the right thing and...I don't know”

 

“Well you certainly proved that in the council meeting”

 

Emma scrunches her mouth to one side

 

“Yeah, Cora's gonna make sure I never work in this region again”

 

“Well I hear Edinburgh is lovely”

 

They are quiet again. Regina sips her wine and lets it roll over her tongue. Dark and rich, bitter and soothing.

 

“It would have been tacky” she agrees “I would have hated that and you by proxy”

 

Emma laughes once “more than usual?”

 

“Vastly”

 

Emma joins her at the counter and takes the glass that's meant for her. She leans back and drinks, savouring the taste as she does, though not as meticulously as Regina.

 

“I do want you-” Regina begins, Emma chokes “-in my life. I do want to be friends”

 

“Really?” Emma brightens, light in her eyes.

 

Regina recognises the girl she knew, the girl she fell in love with. She stands in front of her, asking to be friends, and she believes she would leave if she told her to.

 

“Yes really.”

 

She holds her gaze. She wants to say she misses her. She wants to hug her friend. She wants all of it back but it’s impossible. Too much has happened.

 

“Phew, if we’re going to be friends Ree, you need to stop looking at me like that”

 

“Like what?” She sips her wine

 

“Like it’s 1999 and the music room is empty”

 

Regina laughs. She remembers so vividly she could be back there. Pulling Emma’s shirt out of the trousers they’re tucked into. Pushing her, or was she pushed against the door? She remembers the feeling with a rush. It was love and lust and trust and complete happiness.

 

“God, the music room” Regina says before she catches herself

 

“The art room was a good one” Emma says in the same distant voice

 

“We...we only kissed in the art room” Regina says, remembering the smell of powdered paint and the press of the cold Belfast sink into her back.

 

“I know but it was amazing”

 

“Yeah” Regina regards her, picturing them losing themselves in a corridor of canvasses, deep, slow kisses and the smell of CK One. She nods “fair enough” she swallows.

 

“Ree?”

 

“Yes”

 

Emma looks nervous. She looks over her whole face trying to read it. Regina watches and waits for whatever is.

 

“Nevermind” she deflates. The tips of her ears are pink again. Emma shakes her head.

 

“What was it?” she asks

 

“It doesn’t matter, I was just being ridiculous”

 

“Emma”

 

“It's just-”

 

Regina kisses her before she can finish speaking and she gasps and sighs in the same breath.

 

After a moment Regina pulls away but Emma pushes off the counter she’s leaning on to follow. Regina steps back and she's pressed against the island. Emma is lost, everything melts away and something she has missed for twelve years is hers again. Regina’s fingers toy with her collar, they should be in her hair, she knows exactly what it should feel like. She lets a noise go by accident. Not a sigh, not a squeak, just a noise that means she's losing herself in this.

 

The hand at her collar turns to a palm against her shoulder, nudging her gently away. She’s scared to open her eyes again, terrified of what she'll see in Regina's. She waits to hear her say something but she doesn’t. She can hear her breath, shaking slightly.

 

“Emma…”

 

That's all she needs to hear to know it was a mistake. That she regrets it. That she didn't mean it. She steps back and shoves her hands into her back pockets.

 

“Sorry, I didn't mean to get carried away...I won’t do that again”

 

Regina doesn't speak, doesn't move, but she can feel her eyes burning into her skin.

 

“The trees are gone” Emma says suddenly, looking out of the window.

 

Regina follows her gaze down to where the junior school is now partially visible.

 

“Oh. Y-yes. Arguably one of mother’s poorer decisions”

 

“It's weird that you can always see it”

 

Regina sighs and brushes her hair away from her face

 

“You must be able to see it from your room?”

 

“Yes”

 

“How exhausting”

 

Regina hums “it is” she says, moving away, Emma assumes in search of her wine glass. She could use a glass herself now. Maybe a bottle.

 

“Ree?” She says after a moment of hesitation

 

“Yes, Emma” Regina says with exasperation Emma doesn't have time to decode.

 

“I think there's someone in the school”

 

“What!?” Regina almost drops her glass. She joins Emma at the window, their shoulders press together as they both strain to see. There it is, a flash of a torch visible through the large windows of the staff room. “Oh my god”

 

“Should we call the police?” Emma asks

 

“The alarm should be going if they broke in, the police should know”

 

“Maybe they're good burglars or someone forgot to set it. Or maybe they're just kids who know how to get in” she looks at Regina whose face has turned hard again “Can you hear it?”

 

They strain and hear nothing. The light flashes again and Regina's stomach turns over.

 

“It's probably just kids messing around” Emma says, “but if they hurt themselves or do damage? It's Friday night, no one would know until Monday morning”

 

“Should I go down there?” Regina asks

 

“What? No!”

 

“You just said they could be hurt. If we call the police they'll be charged automatically I have no say in it. And they could just be foolish children, they don't need that on their records”

 

“Oh my god this is such a bad idea” Emma says, reaching for her jacket.

 

Regina grabs a torch from under the sink, sticks keys in her back pocket and marches out of the house.

 

“Oh my god, oh my god” Emma says following her out of the back door, through the garage and down the drive. Even if she hadn’t been hardened by Scottish winters, she wouldn’t be able to feel the night’s coldness. Adrenaline turns her body into a furnace.

 

The whole thing is familiar and dreadful. As they approach the school they keep to the edges of the playground where the concrete meets the trees. The moon is bright enough for them not to need a torch. Regina leads them past the main entrance to the one the pupils use. It’s unlocked but there is no alarm going off. They step down into the corridor, purpose built to connect the old buildings so it’s cold and echoey.

 

Someone laughs and Regina puts her hand out to keep Emma back. At the far end of the corridor people barrell out of the door into the courtyard in the direction of the senior school.

 

“They were kids, right?” Emma whispers but Regina doesn't answer. She got a better look, if they were pupils they were seniors, sixth form definitely, and she didn't see how many.

 

She turns to head back up the steps out of the school.

  
"Thank god" Emma says quietly

  
"You can go if you want" Regina says skirting around the building to take the shortcut past the netball courts that would lead them down to the senior school.  
  
"What?" Emma asks following  
  
"I just...I just want to make sure they're not doing something stupid. If I don't think they're kids I’ll call the police. You can go if you want”

  
A flash of a memory leaves a sick feeling in Emma's stomach.  

 

The intruders aren't being too quiet. They follow them to the school building and hear them break the lock on the door to the senior corridor. Regina grumbles quietly as she watches.  
  
"I told them to do something about that door"  
  
From their distance they can make out a few voices, they all seemed to belong to boys (or men, Emma thinks). They can't distinguish what they’re saying but there’s a yelp and angry voice.  
  
"Ree I think we should-"  
  
They hear the yelp again, it’s a kid for sure and they don't sound happy.  
  
"Fuck, come on then" Emma takes the torch, clicks it on and walks ahead of her.  


"Keep it down" Regina touches her arm and tips the light to the group  
  
"This is-” Emma starts

  
"I know"  
  
"-way too familiar"  
  
"I know"  
  
They hear the kid again and an angry shout. It’s further down the corridor, they’re rushing for something.  
  
"Ree I think..." She bends down and when she comes back up she’s holding a small blue and brown wrist tie "I think it's Henry"  
  
She shines the torch on it and Regina reaches out to take it. It looks like the one he made for Emma with the set she got him.

  
"No" Regina moves for the door  
  
"Woah woah woah you can't go that way, they'll hear you coming" Emma stands in her way and catches her around her middle.

  
"Well what do you suggest?" She asks, pushing her away and straining to hear anything.

  
"The back steps, I know you had that fence built because they're unsafe"  
  
Regina is already heading in that direction. There’s a square lawn lined with a path that leads to the senior school corridor for the purpose of bypassing the hall. Emma turns the torch off again and follows. Regina had had a fence built so students couldn't used the back steps down the hill. They drop down a scarily steep incline. The path itself zig zags and brambles grow thick around it.

 

The fence is wooden and doesn't look tall from a distance. As they draw closer Emma's heart sinks. It’s almost up to Regina's shoulders and she doubts she has keys to the gate with her. She’s about to suggest a leg up when Regina grabs the top of the fence and hauls herself up. She sits atop the fence and offers Emma a hand.  
  
"No it's ok"

 

She approaches at a pace and leaps over, using the top of the fence to haul herself over the final few inches. It's not the time to be impressed with Regina’s upper body strength, but she is.

  
The back steps aren't overlooked by the school windows so Emma turns the torch on again as Regina lands beside her. They know the path, they could run it with their eyes closed. It’s the kind of thing you never forget no matter how long it has been. For an entire year they had sprinted from maths class at the top of the school to netball practice at the bottom, doing a 15 minute walk in 2 minutes flat. They always used the shortcut by the junior school netball court and the windy back steps which lead to the sports hall. Every week they flew down the steps with the unfailing confidence of youth.

  
It seems smaller now, much more dangerous and their steps are less sure. Suddenly the light shifts from the path ahead to up into the trees.

  
"Fuck! Ow" Emma hits the ground hard  
  
Regina is only just behind her and kneels

  
"Are you ok?"  
  
"I scraped my leg" she shines the torch down.  
  
Regional leans over and inspects, sliding her hands gently up the fabric. "Your jeans are a little ripped but you're not bleeding. Are you hurt anywhere else? Did you hit your head?"  
  
"No I'm fine" Emma shuffles to a sitting position.  
  
"Come on"

 

Regina takes the torch and Emma’s hand, which is slightly encrusted with gravel, and helps her up. They’re nearly at the bottom of the steps when they hear a loud bang from inside the building. Regina tries the door but, seemingly unlike the rest of the school, it’s locked. She passes Emma the torch and pulls keys from her pocket. Once she finds the lock Emma clicks the torch off. They push the door gently and it glides open without complaint.  
  
-  


1999

  
They fall into the big navy sofa. It smells of afternoon frees and Tommy Girl.  
  
"Can I get rid of this?" Regina asks between kisses as her fingers tug at the buttons of the tiny black cardigan Emma wears.  
  
"Mhmm"  
  
Emma sits forwards so she can slide her arms out of it.  
  
"And this?" Regina asks, only breaking away for a second to pull at the hem of her camisole  
  
"Uhuh" so up it goes over her head. Regina breaks away and sits back in Emma's lap.  
  
"What?" Emma asks, looking down at herself to see what she’s looking at.  
  
"Nothing" she smiles

  
"No, that's something" her brow creases  
  
"You're just beautiful. You're beautiful." She says, bouncing a little like she had been wanting to say it for ages.  
  
"You're a dork." Emma says though she wraps her arms around her waist and leans up to kiss her "Hey hang on, you still have all your clothes on"  
  
Emma’s down to bra and jeans whereas Regina sits in her lap, skirt, blouse and waistcoat still on.  
  
"Na ah" Emma says, unbuttoning the waistcoat.

 

Regina smiles and kisses her as she does. Her hands wander over Emma's skin, taking in the warmth of her sides, the natural definition of her back, they bump over her collarbone and Regina sighs. Emma hasn't gotten further than opening buttons, using all of her concentration to keep kissing and not think about what Regina's fingertips are doing to her. Regina kisses along her jaw, nips her earlobe and kisses down her neck.  
  
"No biting, not real vamps remember?"  
  
Regina hums and moves down to where her neck meets her shoulders. Her fingertips had been dusting up her sides, peppering her with goosebumps, but now she’s moving up her stomach. Gentle brushes turning to lightly raking nails snaking up over ribs units they hit her bra. Emma's breath hitches and Regina looks up.  
  
"You ok?" She asks

  
"Yeah"  
  
"Can I?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"Is _yeah_ all you can say?" Regina asks

  
"Right now with your hands where they are, yeah!"  
  
She smiles and brings her hands up to slide over her bra. She squeezes and runs her thumbs over her nipples in tandem.  
  
“Oh my god”

 

“Oh my god, good?”

 

“Yeah, it feels really good. How can it feel so good? It's never felt like this before”

 

Regina sits up “is now really a good time to tell me about other people who have touched your boobs?”

 

Emma smiles, sits up to meet her and in one swift movement has Regina on her back.

 

“What would you like me to tell you?” Regina hasn't recovered enough from the surprise of being topped to come up with a snappy answer. “I could tell you how beautiful you are.” She says, settling her body between her legs as she kisses neck. “I could tell you I think about you all the time.” She kisses the other side of her neck and Regina hums. “I could tell you that sometimes you take my breath away when you're doing really simple things.” Her fingers tangle with Regina's and she stretches her arms up slowly across the sofa. “And I forget what I'm doing or what I'm saying because I'm thinking about your eyes, or your voice.” Regina rolls underneath her and strains to reach her lips. Emma lifts out of her reach and she whines. “Or how gentle you are with everything you do, so delicate but so strong too.”

 

She kisses her neck again, licking and grazing her teeth against her skin. Regina tries to pull her arms down but Emma holds her hands into the cushions and she groans in dissatisfaction “Emma!” She growls.

 

Emma smiles and slowly brings their hands back to their sides and pushes herself up onto them, putting weight on her waist between Regina's legs. Regina gasps and meets the pressure with her own. She lets go of her hands and starts to pull the blouse over Regina's head. Regina sits up and kisses her fiercely as soon as it’s over her head. The blouse gets stuck on her wrists where the cuffs are still buttoned. She laughs and holds them up.

 

“Interesting. I might leave them like that.” Emma raises an eyebrow as she pulls the empty shirt arms to draw Regina’s arms back.

 

Regina stops laughing. “Don't you dare.” She says, eyes raking over Emma's torso.

 

Emma considers it for a moment, watching Regina's eyes narrow in the dark. She imagines what Regina could do with her hands and her resolve evaporates.

 

“Yeah ok.” She undoes the cuffs and Regina's hands are on her immediately. One slides into her hair, pulling their lips together again as the other goes around her waist. She draws her nails up the dip of her back and Emma shudders with goosebumps. Emma pushes them back into the sofa and grinds against Regina who whines into her mouth.

 

“Ok?” Emma asks between kisses

 

“Mhmm!” Regina doesn't break away to reply as she kisses with fire, taking everything Emma gives her.

 

Emma unhooks her bra with one hand under her arched back and pulls it away.

 

“Jesus Christ” Emma breaks away to look, head resting against Regina’s shoulder.

 

Regina kisses her temple and brings Emma's hand up to touch. She places it over her breast and squeezes. Emma gasps. Her eyes close and she grinds against Regina, squeezing her again. She kisses her and slides her thumb over her nipple. Regina gasps this time.

 

“Too hard?”

 

“Harder.” Regina gasps again. “Kiss me.”

 

Emma does, though she can hardly keep her mind on one thing. The feel of Regina’s skin hot against her own is blowing her mind. Her lips are demanding, her fingers scratch up her back, her hips roll underneath her and Emma can’t handle it.

 

“Ree” Regina hums into their kiss. Emma breaks away again “Ree”

 

“Yeah” she replies, brushing Emma’s hair out of her face.

 

“It’s too much, I can’t”

Regina frowns at her for a moment, then comprehension dawns on her face. She touches Emma’s cheek and kisses the other. “That’s ok, Em, it’s ok.”

 

Emma feels like crying. She isn’t ready for this, but she wants it and her heart is banging in her chest.

 

Regina smiles. “It’s ok, sweetheart, it’s ok.” She scoots up to a sitting position and wraps Emma in her arms. “It’s ok, I’m glad you said.”

 

“You are?” Emma asks, resting her head on a bare shoulder which is still novel, still so much.

 

“Absolutely. Sometimes you want it all in the drama room when you’ve only got time for kisses, and sometimes you have time for it all, but everything else isn’t synced up.”

 

“God, the drama room.” Emma groans into her neck

 

“I know”

 

Emma can hear the smile in her voice. She pulls away and kisses her again. “You’re amazing”

 

“Thank you darling, so are you”

 

“I prefer sweetheart”

 

“What about pretty girl?”

 

“Yeah I like that too” She grins

 

“Well pretty girl, it’s fine that you’re not ready. I’m going to go and clean up”

 

“Clean up?”

 

Regina’s lips turn into a pout and she looks away. “Um…”

 

“You mean you’re…” Emma can't complete her sentence. ‘Wet’ is what she means but it seems obscene to say it out loud.

 

“Well you’re a good kisser!” Regina says defensively. “And you’re topless and you were all on me and, I don’t know.” She runs her hands through her hair and Emma’s eyes fall back to her chest.

 

“God you’re beautiful”

 

“See? And saying things like that.” Regina sits back and Emma follows. “And I respect your boundaries,” Emma crawls up her like a cat after cornered prey “and that includes not making you feel bad about stopping.” Emma lets her nose brush up her neck before she kisses her ear and lets her tongue slide up the curve of it. Regina whines as she speaks “so, I need to go and take care of what’s happening in my knickers because…” Emma’s hearing but not listening, she's dying to see what Regina’s talking about “oh god, Emma, are you sure?” She gasps as Emma slides her hand into the top of her underwear.

 

She hadn’t been kidding. She’s hot and wet and ready and seeing Regina’s loss of composure makes Emma feel better about her cold feet. And helps them warm up considerably.

 

“Uhuh.” Emma says, letting her breath tickle her ear and she gasps again. Emma smiles and kisses her neck as she tries to read what Regina likes. Too much direct pressure makes her legs shake, but slow, wide circles makes her moan.

 

She continues, watching her stomach tense and relax with uneven breaths. She kisses her chest and along her collarbone. She kisses her boobs, letting her tongue circle her nipples but not touching them, straining for attention. She blows on them gently before sucking each one into her mouth, one after the other.

 

“Oh my god!” Regina jolts underneath her. “Emma,”

 

Emma sucks and lets her teeth graze her sensitive skin. Regina’s arm comes up but is blocked by Emma’s body. She lets Regina’s hand trail up her stomach and her fingers brush her hard nipples.

 

“Emma?” She hums in response. “Would it be too much to touch you?”

 

Emma lets her nipple go with a pop through pursed lips and Regina shudders. “I don’t think so.”

 

“I want to touch you.” Emma’s spare hand is at the button of her jeans in seconds. “I want to be inside you”

 

“Fuck” Emma says, fumbling the zip. As soon as it’s down Regina’s fingers slide into the top of her jeans.

 

-

 

"It's nearly ten, we should at least think about leaving soon." Regina yawns.

  
"I don't want to, can we just stay here forever?"  
  
"Well, we could stay until Monday but when people start arriving they might wonder why we're dressed like vampires."  
  
"Or not dressed at all." Emma grins.

  
"Well exactly"  
  
Emma sighs and kisses the top of Regina's head. Her arm is flung back over sofa, giving Regina permission to trace her fingers up and down her ribs. She’s covered in goosebumps but she likes it.  
  
"You're right." She says reluctantly. "Are you really staying for the night at Marian's?"  
  
"I haven't asked but I can't imagine why she wouldn't let me." Emma says. Regina listens to her heartbeat and copies the taps on her chest. "Making sure it's still going?"  
  
She doesn't answer, just lifts her head and kisses where it had been resting. She sits up, legs clinging to Emma's as she balances precariously on the edge of the cushions.  
  
The light in the room seems blueish with streams of white pouring in from the windows. Regina's skin is porcelain against it. She looks ethereal and Emma can't stop staring. She stretches and yawns and Emma feels one coming on too until she lets it out.  
  
"Come on then, pretty girl." Regina says as she gets up, tossing Emma’s underwear back at her.  
  
She catches them and pulls them on, watching Regina collect bits of her clothing. Emma's mind is the clearest she ever remembers. She isn't worried, she isn't anxious, she’s empty and full at the same time. She doesn't want to leave in case she loses it, but watching Regina fix her hair at her locker makes her wonder if the feeling is attached to a place or to a person. She pulls her own clothes on haphazardly. Her limbs feel heavy and she doesn't really want to go to the party, she wants to find somewhere for them to hide away for the weekend (or maybe for forever).  
  
There’s a noise she can't identify from somewhere in the old house. Regina turns to her and she doesn't move, straining to hear it but it doesn't happen again.

  
"We should go." Regina whispers as Emma slips into her shoes.

  
"Yeah." she agrees quietly. "You got everything?"  
  
She nods as Emma meets her at the door. They open it slowly and peer into the hallway. It seems dark compared to the moonlit common room. Emma can't see anything.  
  
Hand in hand they cross the landing quickly and head down the stairs, skipping the creaky step. They slide around the wide wooden bannister, through the back door and into the corridor. The door is as they left it, but when they try the handle it’s locked.  
  
"Did you lock it?" Emma asks and Regina shakes her head. She pulls the key out and slides it into the lock. It won't go in the whole way. There’s a key on the other side. Fear floods Emma’s whole system, feeling like it’s coming out of her pores. They're trapped.

  
"It's ok," Regina whispers "there's a hundred ways out of the school."  
  
Emma's mind races. If they get caught she'll be in trouble, she might be expelled. Cora hates her, how would she get into uni if she was expelled in her final year of a-levels? How is she going to get away if she can't go to uni? Her whole life plan hinges on it.

  
"Don't panic, Em." Regina touches her arm. "We're going to get out." She reaches up and kisses her cheek, takes her hand again and leads them down the corridor. They pass the stage door, the kitchens, the senior hall and into the cold corridor. They try the door that leads onto a green and a path back to the junior school but their key doesn't fit the lock.  
  
The corridor is as cold as ever, but the sporadic windows light it well. They pass fire exits, but they’re a last resort, certain to set off alarms and raise hell. They pass classrooms for geography, maths, RE, the corridor for the science labs and into the next winding corridor. This one is older, wooden. There’s a door in a corner that looks like a cupboard, but actually hides a spiral staircase to the IT room. They pass language classrooms on their right and they hear another noise. They pause and strain to hear. Orange light from street lamps in the village filter in ahead of them, silhouetting them for anyone following. They hear running ahead of them and a clang behind. Emma tries hard not to think about the ghost stories she had heard about the school. Marian loved telling them and she usually loved to hear them, but now they’re pressing into her mind and pushing everything else out.  
  
The family who had lived in the house had twins, but at the time twins were considered a bad omen. They locked one away and no one knew about her. She was raised in the attic and one day she escaped. She found her sister and killed her. No one found the secret twin. Or so Marian said.  
  
The room the sister supposedly died in is now the home economics room, where they’re heading. Emma feels sick and like if she ever gets out of here she’s going to throttle Marian West.  


Regina pulls her towards the next building, past the drama room and suddenly they’re heading down the stairs that lead to the home ec room. The building itself is an odd transition from old to new, as the sports hall, changing rooms and stores were built in place of the old house that had stood there so that the school could expand and have indoor sports facilities.

 

This part of the school perpetually smelled of cookies, whether the home ec room was in use or not, until they get through the swinging black doors and then it smells distinctly of sports kit and communal showers.

 

“Did you hear that?” Regina asks.

 

She hadn't heard anything. She can barely hear anything over the throb of her quickened heartbeat in her ears. She can't hear until she can. Footsteps in the corridor above, someone running, someone coming down the stairs. They hears a laugh and then others joined in.

 

“Trick or treat, girls?” Someone shouts.

 

It’s a boy and Emma’s panic impulse is overridden by some kind of survival instinct. She pushes Regina through the doors and jams a hockey stick through the handles on their side, suddenly focused only on getting them out. She takes Regina’s hand and runs through the changing rooms and to the door at the end. It’s definitely a good candidate for kicking open. The lock is a couple of years old and damaged from years of being left to slam shut behind a stream of impatient students. They hear their pursuers hit the door and shout in confusion. There’s a crack, a scream and a thud, then quiet…

 

It’s the loud silence, the kind that rings in your ears and makes you question everything that came before.

 

Then there’s shouting. Emma kicks the door and the voices at the other end of the corridor quieten. She kicks again and the doors swing open. Their choices are to jump the old brick wall covered in ivy or run up the back steps to get back to the junior school and Regina's house.

 

“This way, come on” Emma pulls her in the directions of the steps.

 

“Em, I think someone's hurt, someone's crying.” Regina says, voice high and shaking.

 

Someone is crying, someone is screaming.

 

“Ree, come on, we don't know who they are or what they want.” Emma pleads.

 

In the split second where Regina thinks through each option someone shouts “They went that way!”

 

That’s enough. Without another moment of consideration they launch in the direction of the steps, leaping some three at a time, over cracks, skipping the wobbly ones. At the top they run across the lawn, shortcutting the path, past the door they had used to enter the school, past the senior school building, up the steps, past the courtyard and across the playground. They don't stop until they reach the trees at the end of Regina’s drive where they turn to see if anyone is following. It doesn't look like it. Regina sits on an exposed root and pushes her hair back from her face. Emma bends double, trying to catch her breath, heaving air into her chest like she’s drowning.

 

“We have to phone the police.” Regina says.

 

“What?”

 

“Someone was hurt.” Regina's head is still in her hands, her voice flat.

 

“How are we going to explain why we were there?” Regina stares at the ground. “Ree, we could get in so much trouble”

 

“We have to, Emma! We’ll be fine.” She looks up.

 

“No, you'll be fine! I'll be expelled!” Sweat pours from her. Now that the immediate threat is gone from the present, it’s the immediate threat in the future that makes her want to throw up.

 

Regina covers her face. “You won't.”

 

“Your mother has been waiting for me to mess up since I got here. She hates me, this is the perfect excuse--”

 

“And you wanted to come out about us, don't you think she'd have found a reason then? This can't be about us, someone is--”

 

“Let them call the police and explain why they were there! Ree I swear to god--”

 

“What if they don't or can't? What if something terrible happened or--”

 

“They shouldn't have fucking been there! They locked us in and chased us through the school, they weren't hurt enough to leave us alone. Ree if I'm expelled I'll never get into uni.”

 

"Emma," she stands and shakes dust off her skirt "I'm going home, come or don't. I'm going to phone the police."  
  
"Wait!” She turns up the long driveway of her home. "Ree wait, what are you going to say when they ask why you were there?"  
  
"I'll say I left something in my locker"  
  
"For three hours?" Emma follows.  
  
"I'll say I fell asleep"  
  
"Cora's going to know you're lying." She reaches for her arm but Regina flings it off.  
  
"Emma," she says angrily "come with me or don't but I'm going."  
  
Emma stares for a moment. "Fine I'm coming. How are we going to explain being there for three hours?"  
  
"We walked to the party, remembered something at the school, walked back, got sidetracked, had an argument, I don't know."  
  
"Wait for me." Emma says. "I can't catch my breath." Her heart feels like it’s vibrating in her chest.  
  
"Emma?"  
  
They’re standing in the light cast by the lamps along the low walls of the driveway.  
  
"I just..." She pulls at her cardigan as if it chokes her, but there’s nothing around her neck.  
  
"It's ok." Regina rubs circles on her back "It's ok, you don't have to come."  
  
"I am, I am." She stands straight and draws a deep breath in through her nose. She lets her lungs fill up on the cold night air until they feel full, then she lets it go. There’s a pain in her chest like there's something stuck in it. She can't shake it. She feels it pressing her shoulder blades apart.

  
When she opens her eyes Regina kisses her gently on the lips. "I love you, Emma Swan."  
  
"I love you too, Regina Mills." Emma replies feeling like she’s going to cry.  
  
Regina only lets go of her hand to find her keys and open the door. What happens after that is a blur. Regina explains to Cora who calls the police. Police come to the house and they’re asked a lot of questions. Cora seems as in control as ever, correcting their stories at times and talking to the police as if they work for her.  
  
Regina makes another round of tea while Emma sits at the kitchen table. One of the officers steps into the hallway to answer their radio. The sound carries to them and Emma listens.

  
"Update?" _  
_  
_"We saw some kids on the approach, all running different directions. Found one in the hallway where you said. DOA, fell from the top of the stairs, looks like"_ _  
_  
"Any ID?"  
  
_"Not yet. Just a kid"_ _  
_  
Emma closes the door. Regina’s staring straight ahead at her reflection in the kitchen windows without seeing it. Emma wraps her arms around her. They stay like that until Regina's phone beeps. It’s Marian.  
  
_Where ru?_  
  
Not coming  
  
_Wtf? Y?_  
  
Not well, ttyl.  
  
_Liar. I bet this has sumthin 2do with y u told ur mum u'd b here @7! :p_ _  
_  
Regina doesn't reply after that. The police don't speak to them again. Cora finds them in the kitchen, seconds after their hands have broken away from each other.  
  
“Emma, can I call you a taxi home?"  
  
"Um." Emma feels like the only thing keeping her awake is that Regina wants her to be. She can't make it all the way home and her foster parents would kick her ass for waking them up so late.  


"Mother, it's late, can she stay?" Regina asks.

  
Cora sighs. "Fine, the second floor guest bedroom is set up, you’ll find her something to sleep in, Regina."  
  
"Is there any news?" Regina asks.  
  
"Nothing for you to worry about tonight. The police aren't concerned with you. It's unlikely you'll speak to them again. Your names aren't going to be connected to this in any way, so you mustn't tell anyone about this. Do you understand?"  
  
They nod. Regina gets up first and hugs her mother. Emma follows her out of the door but turns back at the last moment.  
  
"Thank you, Mrs Mills."  
  
"I didn't do this for you, dear. I did it for the school."  
  
Emma's cheeks flush pink but it’s covered by her white vampire makeup. "Still" she replies before leaving.  
  
At 3 in the morning Emma lies exhausted and unable to sleep in the second floor guest bedroom. The mattress is soft and her head sinks well into the down pillows, but the bedspread is too heavy and she feels pinned down. Every time she starts to drift off she pictures herself at the bottom of the stairs, broken and unable to move before she wakes up with a jolt.  


She gets up and opens the window. It looks out on a huge grass lawn that disappears into trees. All she can see is shadows in various shapes and the clouds, which look purple against the inky night sky. The breeze draws into the room and she turns to see Regina at her door.

 

“Can’t sleep either?” Emma asks.

 

She shakes her head and Emma holds out her hand. She crosses the room and lets herself be enveloped in Emma’s arms. They look out of the window together. Emma presses her lips to Regina’s head and feels her hands slide down her arms to hold them in place.

 

“You want to see something cool?” She asks.

 

“Yes.”

 

Emma points. “You see there, those three stars? That’s Orion’s Belt, like from Men In Black”

 

“I remember.” Regina says.

 

“Those stars are part of Orion. You can’t see Rigel which it the brightest in the constellation, but that one there, can you see that it’s kind of red?” Regina nods against her. “That’s Betelgeuse.”

 

“Beetlejuice?” Regina gasps.

 

Emma laughs. “Yep.”

 

“That is cool.” Regina says, surprise evident in her tone.

 

“Yep.”

 

“Is that all you can--”

 

“Yep.”

 

Regina laughs and turns into her embrace. “Do you want to try and sleep again?”

 

“Yeah.” Emma lets her go with difficulty and gets back into bed. Regina closes the window but leaves the curtains open.

 

“Budge up.” She says, poking Emma in the ribs.

 

Emma leaps across the bed in surprise, tangling herself in the duvet and bedspread in her haste. “What?”

 

“I’m not getting in the cold side” Regina replies as she slides into what had been Emma’s side. After a moment to recover Emma pulls her into a cuddle, burying her face in her neck from behind. “You ok?”

 

“Mhm.” Emma mumbles into her shoulder.

 

“Me too.” Regina says after a moment.

 

Emma feels herself relax as the warmth of Regina’s body seeps into hers. Regina’s breathing evens out. She trips in her sleep once or twice and Emma holds her a little tighter.

 

“Beetlejuice” she murmurs as Emma slips across the threshold of sleep, unsure if it’s real or not.

 

-

 

Present

 

Regina opens the door to the changing rooms carefully and slides inside. Emma follows and lets the door close gently behind them.

 

“I don’t fucking know, call again.” One voice says.

 

“She’s not answering.” Someone replies. They’re both men. There’s a shuffle of feet moving.

 

“Cut that out,” The first man says and smacks someone. There’s a small yelp and then nothing.

 

Emma is holding Regina’s arm at the elbow and feels her muscles tense as she lunges towards the sound. Emma holds onto her a second longer. They can't go charging in without knowing anything. Regina's head whips around and her look is ferocious. She rips her arm out of her grasp and Emma knows it's just about Henry but for a second Regina looks like she’d go through her if she had to.

 

“She’s not answering. This was a bad idea.”

 

“This is not an idea, it’s retribution you queer spaz.”

 

“Fuck’s sake, Mike, I can’t make her answer.”

 

“Who doesn’t answer when their kids call? Probably busy scissoring the other one.”

 

“Shut up!” Henry shouts.

 

Emma snatches Regina’s wrist a split second before she jolts to run down the corridor.

 

“Ree come on,” she whispers “keep your head or he might get hurt”

 

One of the men laugh. “You a little faggot too with your skipping rope?”

 

“She’s gonna find me and you’ll be in trouble.” Henry says with a snap to his voice he can only have learned from his mother.

 

Regina’s pulse races under Emma’s fingertips. She holds tighter.

 

“She doesn’t even know you’re here you little tosser.”

 

“Right, no answer, what now?” The other man asks

 

“Just do it then.”

 

Regina wrenches her hand away and Emma stumbles.

 

“What was that?”

 

“Probably nothing, come on you fucking queer.”

 

“There’s someone there. Who’s there?” The second man shouts.

 

Regina steps further down the corridor and despite what a terrible idea that is, Emma follows.

 

“I’m gonna look.”

 

“For fuck’s sake.” There’s another shuffle.

 

“Get off me!” Henry shouts and is shoved hard against something. There’s hardly any light in the changing rooms but there’s enough for the shadowy figure coming through the door to see Emma’s blonde hair.

 

“Fuck!” He says and she shoves him against the wall as hard as her adrenaline filled muscles will allow. He falls to the ground.

 

“What?” Mike appears seconds later and Regina swings the torch at the side of his head. The noise is a dull thud and he stumbles.

 

Emma is scrapping with the first man but there's not much space and he gets a hand around her throat and shoves her back into the wall.

 

“MOM!” Henry shouts and grabs Mike’s coat, using all of his body weight to pull him off balance. He throws Henry off easily and he falls back. Regina goes to hit him again but he blocks it, grabs her arm and throws her into the corridor where Henry had fallen.

 

Light from the distant street lamps come in through the windows in the door. Mike doesn’t seem to be bleeding but there’s a purple welt appearing on the side of his thick head.

 

“Well this is a nice surprise.” He says as Regina gets to her feet and stands in front of Henry. “Hurry the fuck up!” He shouts through the doors as Emma stumbles through them. Her lip is bleeding a little, and worsens when she grimaces. Her arm is twisted behind her back.

 

“Alright asshole,” she says over her shoulder “you trying to snap it off?”

 

They’re surrounded by doors. The door they had just come through is on their right, the door to their left leads outside. Regina can see through the light coming through the crack that it’s still locked, which means that the door behind them must be how the men got down to the hall and is their only exit.

 

Cold sweat trickles down Regina’s back at the thought of where they are. The stairs behind them are where the girl had fallen 12 years ago. The stairs where she had died. Where someone had died chasing them through the school. Mike watches her and smiles.

 

“What a nice surprise indeed.” He grins sickeningly. “You know why we’re here, you know why Henry’s here.”

 

“Well I don’t, you sick bastards.” Emma spits.

 

The man twists her arm again and pain shoots from her wrist through her shoulder and into her brain. She grunts but stares at Mike still.

 

“Twelve years ago you did something terrible,” he says “a girl died here.”

 

She’s staring fiercely back at him and notices a tear streak down Regina’s face, caught in the light from the windows and her heart aches.

 

“She died because you were chasing her and--”

 

“Excuse me? They chased us you fucking idiot! She died because those assholes chased us, we wouldn’t have even been down here if it wasn’t for them!” Emma says.

 

“You’re lying!” Mike shouts, angry and turning to her.

 

“It wasn’t our fault!” Emma shouts back. “It wasn’t our fault.” She repeats, looking at Regina this time. She realises she’s still holding the torch. Mike turns to look at it.

 

“I don’t think so, put that down, you two are going to pay for what you did.”

 

“It wasn’t our fault, it was those boys who...oh my god!” Emma gasps, piecing together how they even know about it. “It was you, wasn’t it? That’s how you know it was us, and where?”

 

“Shut up!” Mike screams, turning back to Emma briefly, before rounding on Regina. “Put that fucking torch down now, you fucking dyke!”

 

Regina holds her free hand up and slowly kneels to place the torch on the ground. She glances at Emma, then down at the ground. It looks like she’s looking for somewhere to lay the torch down, but she’s calculating the distance to the rack of hockey sticks in the periphery of her vision. She lets go of the torch and spreads her fingers wide so they can see she holds nothing.

 

“You’re the reason she died, ow, fuck!” Emma goads, starting to see stars as the pain in her arm soars past her limit. “You killed her!”

 

Mike turns and is about to roar something that would probably have been obscene if a hockey stick hadn’t connected with the side of his head at that very moment. There’s a wet crunch this time and he stumbles. Emma throws all of her weight backwards, shoving her captor into the wall. His head hits a water pipe which wasn't intentional but gives Emma the second of surprise she needs. She slides out of his grasp, arm feeling heavy and swollen and throws her knee into his crotch with all the strength she has in her. He doubles over with a yowl and she seizes his jacket flinging him straight into Mike who had been straightening up, blood pouring from his head. She doesn’t wait to see what happens next.

 

“Emma!” Regina calls from halfway up the stairs with Henry.

 

“I’m right behind you, go go go!” She leaps up the stairs, three at a time and catches up with them. Regina is ahead, holding Henry’s hand, half dragging him though he’s running as hard as he can. Regina is a born runner and she’s quick. They fly up the winding corridors of the senior school.

 

“Come on sweetheart” Regina pants over her shoulder as Henry slows.

 

“Go, kid, you can do it.” Emma says from behind him. Every door they go through she closes and blocks with whatever she can find. She knocks chairs over into their path, on one door she shoves a fire extinguisher through the handles and hopes they hit it at full speed.

 

“Ree can you smell that?” Emma says and stops dead in her tracks.

 

“What?” Regina slows and turns to her. Henry sways on his feet.

 

“Smoke” for a second they stare at each other, then turn to look for a source. “Come on kid.” Emma takes Henry’s other hand. “Lets just go.” She says to Regina who nods.

 

Henry’s face is wet with tears and a little blood trickles down from his hairline. She hadn’t seen it before now. They turns into the last section of the cold corridor and Henry stops running completely.

 

“Honey,” Regina turns back to him, she wipes his faces and tries to look into his eyes but they're glazed.

 

“I’ve got him.” Emma sweeps him up before he passes out. “Come on, the door up there is broken open, right?”

 

Regina nods and looks at Henry with concern. Forgetting the ache in her own muscles she runs for the door. They make it to the senior hall and the air is hazy. Smoke hangs in the air around them. Emma freezes. Regina turns to her.

 

“Come on, we only have to make it to the door.” Regina says. “There's no fire in here, the way out is close.” Emma can barely hear her. She swallows hard but can’t quite meet her eyes. “Emma, sweetheart, come on.” Emma repositions Henry in her arms and looks at her. Something seems to be getting through. “Em, we’re nearly there.” She grasps Emma's arm. She can’t tell if Mike is behind them or if it’s the pounding is in her ears she hears. “Emma” she tries one last time. Emma’s eyes are wide and panicked. She presses their foreheads together and Regina’s hand brushes her cheek. “I need you to do one more thing, I need you to get through one last thing.”

 

“Ok” Emma says.

 

Regina’s hand slides down her back and pushes gently as it gets to the small. They walk quickly along the hall, up the steps and towards the door that had been broken open. It’s closed again and Regina tries the handle. It falls off in her hand. She pushes the door and it won’t move. The lock is mangled. Whatever they had done to the old lock had finished it off.

 

“Fuck!” Regina says looking at the door handle in her hand and the hole in the door where it should have been.

 

“Hang on” Emma coughs, inhaling the smoke that is increasingly thick. She sets Henry down and he leans heavily on Regina.

 

“Emma?” Regina asks as she heads away from the door and towards the back door of the senior school offices.

 

“Ow, fuck, yeah.” She coughs as she comes back. “I’m gonna kick the door,” she coughs again “and the fire is through there and it's going to get worse.” She bends double to cough out the smoke that’s choking her like she’s drowning. “As soon as it opens get through it and as far away as possible from the door, ok?”

 

“Ok, you ready sweetheart?” Regina pushes the hair back from Henry’s face and kisses him. He mumbles something and she holds him tightly “Ready, Em.”

 

Emma takes all the run-up she can get in the width of the corridor. Her boot connects with the door just above the lock and it opens with a crash. She stumbles through and Regina is right behind her. She loses her balance, heading straight for the tarmac when Regina wrenches her upright with her free hand.

 

Emma had been right about the fire. The fresh air from outside seems to give it the strength it needs to blast away the last of the back door. Fire fills the corridor as they stagger away from it. They all feel the heat of it on their backs. There are shouts from the other side of the building and fear jolts through Emma. Are there more of them?

 

“Are they lights?” Henry asks.

 

Blue flashes on the white walls of the building around them, barely visible against the light from the fire. They hurry around the last corner to see a fire engine and a police car. There are firefighters rushing around and noise and flashing lights. It’s hard to make sense of anything.

 

“Oh bloody hell!” Comes a familiar voice from nearby. “Jesus Christ you’re alive!” Marian’s phone comes down from her ear and she leaps on Regina. “Oh my god!”

 

She picks Regina up and squeezes her tight. Regina's eyes are closed but the relief on her face is obvious. Emma wraps an arm around Henry’s shoulders. A little strength seems to return to him and he stands on his own while Marian holds his mother in the air.

 

“And you, fuck, could you have given me a little more fucking information?” She sets Regina down to shove Emma in the shoulder.

 

“Chicken.” She bends down and swoops Henry into her arms. “Are you ok? What are you doing here, Hen?”

 

“Wait, what?” Regina turns to Emma.

 

“This knobhead, sorry Henry forget that I said that, this person,” Marian glares at Emma “sent me the briefest fucking, sorry Hen, text ever. ‘ _999 at school now’_? That’s not enough fucking information! I’m sorry Henry!”

 

“You text Marian?” Regina asks.

 

“Yeah on the way down, I just, I dunno, had a feeling.”

 

“So the police are here.” Marian waves at the man coming over.

 

“Well there’s two guys who you’ll want to speak to.” Emma says to him .“The last time we saw them they were down at the sports hall, but they might not be now, and they probably want medical attention.”

 

The officer waves another over. “We have some questions for you.”

 

“I’ll bet.” Regina says. “But I need to make sure my son is ok.”

 

“Well luckily I phoned an ambulance too.” Marian says as one rolls into the drive. Emma smiles at her. “Don't grin at me like that, Swan, you've taken years off my life, the stress you've caused me.” Marian says, hand over her chest. Emma beams and Marian flings an arm around her. “I’m glad you're ok even though you're a total fucking idiot.”

 

Once they have all been seen by the medics and Henry’s head cut is cleaned up, Emma answers questions from the police while she watches Henry from not too far away.

 

“Thank you.” The officer says as Regina approaches. “Ms Flores, we’ll be back in the morning to speak to your son if that’s ok?”

 

“That’s fine, you have my details.” They nod at Emma again and turn to leave.

 

“So” Emma says as she digs her hands into her pockets “They found them, one in the school, one making his way home. I think we’re safe. Henry ok?”

 

“Yes. Nothing some paper stitches and a good sleep won’t fix.” Regina says with more concern than his injuries really warrant.

 

“And you? Are you ok?” Emma scuffs her shoe along the side of Regina’s. She looks up when she doesn’t answer. She isn’t smiling, but her eyes are warm. She isn’t smiling but her face is open. She isn’t smiling but she’s filling Emma up with something good. In one swift movement Regina’s arms are around her waist, pulling them together. Emma collapses into her, pulling her tightly too.

 

“I’m ok.” Regina says.

 

“Me too.” Emma says through tears she doesn’t understand.

 

Regina doesn’t let her go. They cling fiercely to each other, unable to get close enough. They press together from thighs to hips and stomachs, to chests and hearts to their arms fighting logic to get them closer to their faces buried in each others necks. Emma’s breaths shake through them both. After a while the hug changes from fierce and desperate to soothing and peaceful. Emma lifts her head to see Marian sitting in the back of the ambulance with Henry. He’s wrapped in one of those foil blankets but still shaking. Marian takes it off him and moves him so he sits across her knees. She wraps them both up in the blanket and he rests his head oh her shoulder. She looks up and smiles at Emma. Emma feels a smile creep onto her own face, lop sided and unsure, then all at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music in this chapter:  
> Reef - Place Your Hands


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spanish is courtesy of Google Translate so I'm really sorry if it's horrendous!

# 

October 1999

 

Emma wakes up cold without Regina. She thinks that’s probably for the best, lest Cora find them, but she still wishes she was with her. She washes her face and brushes her teeth at the sink in the room. She opens the window and lets the smell of Autumn back inside. It's a bright morning and the air is fresh. It feels like life is outside and can’t touch her. She fixes her hair in the mirror and checks herself over for bruises. Regina’s All Saints tshirt is more roomy on her than on Regina herself. She lifts it up and checks over all the bits of her that hurt, some from running away, knocking shins against walls. Others are fabric burn from the sofa or the punctures from Regina’s nails. She feels ok and actually lets herself feel it. She knows that very soon she’s going to have to answer more difficult questions and life is never going to be the same, but for a moment it’s outside, and she is safe.

 

“Good morning.” Regina says as she enters the kitchen. Her eyes drag down and up her and she almost shivers. “I’m glad you found the clothes I put out for you.”

 

“Yeah thanks” Emma says, pulling the cardigan across her belly, exposed by the crop top.

 

“There’s tea and toast for you if you want some.”

 

“It’s burnt.” Emma raises an eyebrow as she sits opposite her.

 

“That’s how you like it.” Regina replies without looking up.

 

“No it isn’t.” Emma laughs.

 

“Well in that case you’re welcome to make your own.”

 

Emma reaches across the table and slides her hand into Regina’s. “Thank you for the slices of carbon you made me, it was very thoughtful.”

 

Regina kisses her hand and goes back to her own toast. “You’re welcome, you bloody ingrate.” 

 

Emma grins as she pours tea for herself.

 

“Good morning girls.” Cora says as she enters. Emma sits up straight in her chair and Regina sets her toast and knife down. “I’ll won’t be home until this evening, Regina, so you’ll have to arrange your own supper.”

 

“Okay.” Regina replies, watching her carefully. 

 

Cora’s wearing a long coat with a rich fur trim. She looks through her handbag which looks like crocodile skin. “Regina dear, I think my glasses are upstairs, could you get them for me?”

 

She looks in her handbag for a moment longer after Regina’s departure before turning to Emma. She knows that look. It’s a threat. It’s a look she knows from foster carers about to send her back. 

 

“I’ve called you a taxi, Miss Swan.”

 

“Oh,” that wasn’t quite what she expected “I was going to get the bus from the village.”

 

“Well there’s no need, it should be here in fifteen minutes.” Cora waves dismissal.

 

“Um”

 

“Ladies don’t say ‘um’, dear.”

 

“Uh, sorry. I would rather get the bus.” She blushes but holds Cora’s gaze.

 

Cora’s look softens a little and her chin rises as she realises she’s not just being difficult. She doesn't have money for a taxi all the way home from here.

 

“I have put it on the school’s account,” Cora says “for convenience, of course. It’s too fiddly to go about reimbursements so I will absorb the cost.”

 

“Oh. That’s very kind of you.” Emma says, but it falls flat. It’s the sort of kindness that means no one would ever hear that they she was here. It’s kindness that masks a well thought out plan. It’s not kindness at all because it comes out of convenience and what Emma wants isn’t a consideration in any of it.

 

“There is something else, Miss Swan.”

 

“Okay.” Emma shifts in her seat.

 

“We should discuss your future. I am sure you won’t want to stay at the school after last night, no one would want to put you through that, it’s completely understandable dear. I will write a glowing reference for Saint Catherine's Girls School in the city and you can finish your A levels there. There will be no problem with the transfer or the scholarship. The school secretary is going to phone you at 4pm today so make sure you that are home to receive her call.” Emma’s mouth falls open. “I have spoken to the head of St Catherine’s this morning and it is all arranged. The porter has kindly brought your belongings up, they are in the front hall so you can collect them on your way out.”

 

She has nothing. She just stares. Cora hates her and she has stayed out of her way, but this is her inarguable excuse to get rid of her, and she had been ready. It’s not even been 12 hours and she’s already packed.

 

“Mrs Mills I...I don’t want to leave.”

 

“It has already been arranged, dear girl. You can refuse the transfer if you like, but that would terminate your scholarship here. It’s out of my hands I’m afraid.” She smiles and it drips with venom. “And I trust you’ll keep this to yourself. You wouldn’t want any of it getting out, it could easily damage your chance of a place at university, so don’t speak of this to anyone. It’s for the best, for everyone.” she stares hard at her. For herself, Emma thinks, not for her, not for Regina.

 

“I could only find your case, mother.” Regina says as she appears through the door.

 

“Oh yes I see them now, they are in the fruit bowl.” Cora says, barely glancing at them. “Thank you dear.” She puts the glasses in the case with a snap, drops it into her handbag and tucks it into the crook of her arm. “Goodbye Miss Swan.”

 

“Mrs Mills.” Emma replies trying to keep her head from swaying. She’s out. Again.

 

-

 

Present

 

Regina closes the sitting room door to keep the heat from the fire in. It’s cold and the fire is comforting for everyone. She had thought twice about lighting it, given what had just happened to them, but Emma and Henry seemed too exhausted to care. Marian is sleeping on one sofa and Emma sits on the fender seating around the fireplace. Henry and Regina are curled up together on the sofa opposite. She strokes his hair and his leg bounces occasionally as he dreams. It’s been a long night with little sleep for him and none for anyone else. 

 

Regina has been interviewed three times by different police officers as well as dealing with the temporary closure of the senior school and arranging cover for the class she was covering. She rubs her head and jumps when the phone rings again. It feels like it should be far too early for phone calls, but she checks her watch as she gets. It’s after 8am, which she can’t believe. 

 

“Regina Flores speaking…” she says fairly quietly.  _ “¡Papa! Todo esta bien. Él está bien, _ don’t worry”

 

Emma watches with wide eyes trying to pick up anything she can. Regina was never allowed to speak Spanish around her mother who didn't understand it and refused to learn it. Out of all of it she picks up ‘I don’t know’, ‘Skype’ and ‘he’s tired’. Regina turns around to check on Henry and catches Emma’s eye. She must be doing something ridiculous with her face because Regina frowns at her and turns back to the phone.

 

_ “Vale, vale.”  _ Regina says and Emma remembers their old Spanish teacher saying it all the time, she never bothered to find out what it meant. Regina’s voice changes, she must be talking to someone new  _ “¿Como estas?”  _ Emma knows that one, but she doesn’t pick out much more after that until she says ‘goodbye’ and something that sounds a lot like ‘I love you’.

 

Emma sits bolt upright, relieved Regina has her back to her again. She could swear she sees Marian smirk but she’s supposed to be asleep. She pulls out her phone and flicks through apps she doesn’t care about so she can at least look like she’s not listening.

 

_ “¿Navidad?” _ Regina continues in the voice she speaks to her father in. She turns around to glance at Emma again. She’s pretending to look at facebook but really she just marks her notifications as read and watches her from the corner of her eye. The conversation ends shortly after that and Emma feels sick and sad and stupid. She gets up a little too quickly.

 

“Are you ok?” Regina asks as Emma opens the door.

 

“Yeah just, I should probably go.”

 

Regina stops moving towards her, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. “Oh.” She had been reaching out to catch the door that Emma held open but she stops. Her hands meet in front of her. She looks elegant and relaxed but it's a defense stance. “Fine.”

 

Emma hesitates. Why is Regina defensive? Why so quickly? She was just telling someone on the phone she loved them, Emma feels sick. The more she thinks about why she’s so affected by it the worse she gets. She has to get some air, get some space from Regina from this house, from their past. That’s why Regina stands straight with a face the picture of serenity, because she knows Emma is desperate to get away. 

 

“I don’t know about you but I’m getting some crazy deja vu and it’s really...uncomfortable.”

 

“Yes, well, I live in deja vu so I know how you feel.” Regina gives her one of those throwaway smiles that are used to punctuate polite conversations and she hates it. “I’m also used to it. There are taxi phone numbers in the desk in the hall if you need them.”

 

“I don’t, I drove last night.” Emma says.

 

“Right, of course.” 

 

“Are you leaving?” Henry asks, rubbing his eyes as he sits up.

 

“Hey, little guy.” Emma crouches by him automatically. “How are you feeling?”

 

Regina closes her eyes while no one is looking at her. She takes a silent deep breath and lets it go. The way Emma speaks to Henry pulls at her heartstrings. The way Henry looks at Emma, like she hung the sun in the sky, makes it even worse. He's totally smitten and Regina knows she's going to break his heart, but she can't quite bring herself to put a stop to it. She looks down at Marian who’s also watching them but glances up at her. Marian smiles softly at her and it’s reassuring. She sees it too. She sees Emma’s openness and how much she wants to give, and then she sees her turn and run the next minute. Running is what Emma does, she reminds herself as Emma pushes Henry’s hair gently back from his face.

 

“Oh dude, you’re gonna have such a cool scar!” Emma says, checking his paper stitches.

 

“Like Harry Potter?” He lights up.

 

“Harry Potter? Pfft, you look like friggin Two-face, man!”

 

Henry snorts. “No I don’t!”

 

“Which one of you said that? Was you, or your evil side?” Emma turns his chin one way then the other to look at his face all over. She doesn’t see any more bruises, which is good. He giggles and pushes her hand away.

 

“I don’t have an evil side.”

 

“Oh that’s right. It was fairies who tied my shoelaces together while I was still wearing them that time.”

 

“Yep, we have ghosts here.”

 

“Oh I know, I’ve met them.” She says and his smile falters as he eyes her, unsure. “I’ll tell you about them sometime. You better be a good boy and do what your mom tells you, or I’ll have a word with Spook Dude.”

 

Henry gasps. “You know his name!”

 

“Ghosts aren’t really he or she, they just are. Anyway, see ya kid.”

 

She turns around to Marian wiping tears of laughter away and Regina hiding her smile with a hand. 

 

“Come on, I’ll walk you out.” Regina says. She closes the door behind them. “I didn’t tell you that story so you could scare the wits out of him.”

 

“Oh come on, he’ll be well behaved now” Emma says.

 

“He’s well behaved anyway.”

 

They stand in the hallway and Emma shifts on her feet. “This feels really weird.”

 

“I know.” Regina’s lips turn into a pout.

 

“What?” Emma asks.

 

Regina looks up at her, reading her face as if trying to determine if it’s safe to talk, or if it’s safe to ask. “Am I going to see you again?”

 

Emma swallows the lump in her throat. She doesn’t know. She pulls Regina in a hug and holds her tightly. Regina breathes out and Emma closes her eyes. She hopes so. She hopes it really hard. She half expects Regina to push her away, or maybe give her a cursory squeeze, but the way her arms press into her is genuine and needful. She tries hard not to breathe in her perfume, to turn her face into her neck, to let her hands move down her back and pull them flush together because that’s what she wants. It’s all she wants.

-

 

Emma is sitting on the school steps when Regina arrives. She smiles wider than she means to.

 

“Well good morning.” Regina smiles like she hasn’t seen in a long time.

 

“Ms Flores.” She says as she stands and tucks her phone into the back pocket of her jeans.

 

“Is it non-uniform day?” Regina glances down and up her body, eyes glinting with mischief.

 

Emma doesn't miss it, she grins back. “I got fired.”

 

“You...what?” Regina startles.

 

“Cora filed a report against me which is fair enough, really. I mean, after everything.”

 

“I see.” She feels pain in her hand and looks down to see she’s holding her keys too tightly. She pockets them. “So you're leaving?”

 

“Well…”

 

“At least you have stopped to say goodbye this time.” Emma looks hurt. “I mean, I'm glad you have come. This time.” She clears her throat to try and suppress the lump in her throat. She squints into the distance, at chevrons of birds migrating through the morning sky.

 

“I was actually hoping to stay for a little while.” She looks back but Emma is the one avoiding her gaze now. “If you don't want me to that's fine, there's just some things I’d like to finish up.” She scuffs moss out of the cracks between two paving stones as she waits for an answer.

 

“You won't be paid for your time.” Regina says.

 

“I know, I just don't like leaving things unfinished. And I could be useful, I know every council education policy that's been active in the last ten years, I really wanted to get you out of this.” She looks up finally.

 

“I know you did.”

 

“I'm sorry I ruined it in the end.”

 

Regina touches her arm. “You didn't ruin anything, you did far more good than you realise. Come inside, you must be cold.”

 

Emma follows quietly, her footsteps unsure but light. She doesn't know where she stands now, what her place there is. She takes a cup of Rudabah King’s horrendous coffee and smiles at how bad it tastes. She catches Regina glance at her a few times when she thinks her attention is fully on her iPad. It’s the first day back since the fire and things feel tense. Regina takes handwritten notes with her to assembly and checks them once or twice as they walk down to the senior hall in silence, but together.

 

-

 

As she stands at the podium that bears the school crest it feels like her last time. She sees the faces of each pupil so clearly. She sees her attentive faculty waiting for her lead. Some of those teachers had been at the school since before she was born. Some taught her. Some had cleaned up her scraped knees and put plasters on them. Some had praised her handwriting when they had moved from pencil to fountain pen. Some had threatened her with detention when she couldn’t focus in her final classes and some had rallied around her, helping her across the finish line of her last year. Some meant more to her than she could ever express. And some were new, enthusiastic, young, dying to prove themselves, dying to follow her lead and make her glad she hired them. She savours everything about the moment, smiling at them all.

 

“Good morning.”

 

There’s a loud yet mumbling reply of “Good morning Ms Flores” though the youngest pupils always drag it out longer and louder than the rest. Some of the teachers chuckle and she smile at them and she takes a moment to miss Henry being so small and sweet.

 

“By now you will all know that there was a fire in the school office just down the hall. It's a miracle that it didn't get any further than it did and I am grateful that the junior school has been able to accommodate the staff who were previously situated there. That said, things were lost in the fire that can never be recovered. There were school photographs going back a hundred years.” Some of the younger children gasp and she smiles at them. “There was equipment lost and, perhaps worst of all, Ursula’s jam roly poly recipe.” There’s a laugh and the dinner ladies can be heard giggling from behind the wooden kitchen shutters. “But from what seems like disaster, hope can shine through. Some of you might know that the school’s future has been uncertain for a time. The fire, though accidental,” she lies, thinking of her mother's smug voice when she had told her about it, “has brought clarity. I am pleased to announce that the school will be merging with Terranova School in the village.”

 

There’s a gasp. The teachers had been told and their students looked to them for confirmation. A few smile sadly. Some nod, some hold pupils hands and some less sympathetic ones shush their classes.

 

“It's an exciting new era for all of us, but it is also an ending. I know how magical life here can be. I attended here for my entire school career. I know which steps on the main staircase creak. I know which bathroom stall is the worst and to be avoided at all costs.” There’s a laugh from the older girls. “I sat on the floor where you sit now, watching my best friends perform BATS in the end of year play and I did my piano exams in the same room that you will take yours in. There isn't a hidden cupboard or secret shortcut that I do not know about, yes even the one near the year five classroom.” More laughter and someone even says “no way!”

 

“Yes way.” She smiles. “I love this school as much as any of you, so together we have to make this year count.” She takes a second to look around the faces looking up at her. Their whole lives are ahead of them and she wants them to know it's theirs to define. “Write for the end of year House Plays, get onto the netball team, enter your school projects into regional competitions, pass the music exam you've been worrying about. For health and safety reasons I cannot tell you to get covered in grass stains rolling down the hill by the long jump in your summer uniforms and I can't tell you to laugh and love it and do it again. Enjoy your friends. Enjoy your teachers. Make this year the best this school has ever seen, because it will be its last. Let’s make it count”

 

More than a few people wipe their eyes as she glances over the crowd. Emma is sharing out a packet of tissues among the sixth form who have been there the longest of any of the pupils. Mrs Lucas uses the largest hanky she’s ever seen to aggressively wipe her nose. Even Rudabah King is tearful and she’s only been there for two years.

 

“Now” Regina says “leading by example, we’re going to give Mrs Lucas a break this morning and I’m going to play the music for our hymn.” The students look around at each other, grinning at the novelty of the headmistress playing the music for assembly. “It’s my favourite, Autumn Days, and I'll give detention to anyone who doesn't shout the last line of verse four, you know which one I mean.”

 

They laugh and stand, passing hymn sheets between them. Regina descends the stairs to the piano. She opens the lid and smiles at the waiting students. There's book of piano music propped open on some hymn, but she doesn't need it. She starts playing the introduction from memory, adding trills and flourishes and showing off. The students love it. The tune is so happy and the lyrics so vivid, she can’t help but smile as she plays. She waves to signal they can start singing.

 

“ _ Autumn days when the grass is jewelled and the silk inside a chestnut shell. Jet planes meeting in the air to be refuelled. All these thing I love so well so I mustn't forget, no, I mustn't forget, to say a great big thank you I mustn't forget” _

 

She smiles as she sings along, watching Mrs Dunbroch begin every line a full second after everyone else. 

 

“ _ Clouds that look like familiar faces and the winter's moon with frosted rings. The smell of bacon as I fasten up my laces and the song the milkman sings. So I mustn't forget. No, I mustn't forget, to say a great big thank you, I mustn't forget” _

 

“ _ Whipped-up spray that is rainbow-scattered and a swallow curving in the sky. Shoes so comfy though they're worn out and they're battered and the taste of apple pie. So I mustn't forget. No, I mustn't forget, to say a great big thank you, I mustn't forget” _

 

She looks up and catches Emma standing at the end of a row, by the window. She’s singing too but not from a hymn sheet and Regina smiles remembering singing this as students, shoulders bumping into each other as they pretended to need the hymn sheet they shared.

 

“ _ Scent of gardens when the rain's been falling and a minnow darting down a stream. Picked-up engine that's been stuttering and stalling” _ Regina cups a hand to her ear as the entire school screams “ _ And a win for my home team!” _ She nods her approval and continues. “ _ So I mustn't forget. No, I mustn't forget, to say a great big thank you, I mustn't forget” _

 

She plays up the end of the song, trilling up the piano until she ends it with a dramatic low chord. The students cheer, she signals that the teachers can start leading their classes back now and makes a quick exit out of to the corridor, heading towards the door Emma had kicked down. The corridor is out of bounds and all the students are being diverted to the exit onto the lawn.

 

“Hey, this doors off limits Ms Flores.” Emma's voice comes from nearby. “You ok?”

 

She turns once she’s out of the door, not willing to stand in the charred remains of the side corridor. “I'm fine.” She says though the lump in her throat betrays her voice and makes it scratchy.

 

“Okay.” Emma replies, with a look that says she gets it. “Thanks for not sharing how you know about the hidden cupboard near the year five classroom.”

 

“Yes well, I wanted to make them laugh, not give them nightmares.” She smiles and her eyes shine with tears. 

 

“Ree,” Emma takes her hand, “your speech was beautiful, you couldn't have given them that news any better. They are going to make this year incredible.” She nods and looks away. Emma squeezes her hand and drops it as children start coming into view at the far end of the grass. “Come on, you have history with the Year Fours now, you need to be on your toes”

 

Regina laughs and wipes her eyes delicately. “Don't I know it!”

 

They walk back the same way as always. “You seem...better” Emma says as she opens the door for Regina.

 

“I feel ok.” Regina says and smiles. “It sounds terrible but now it’s over I feel like a weight has lifted.”

 

Emma smiles. “I’m glad. Do you have any idea what you’ll do now?” 

 

“Well they won't need two headmistresses. I suppose I'll leave. I might really get to teach now.” She smiles as she looks out of the large painted glass window on the stairway up to her office. “That would be nice.”

 

“You're a great teacher. You're a Miss Bentley, strict but fair and funny.”

 

“I’m hardly a Miss Bentley.” Regina rolls her eyes.

 

“You are.” Emma smiles. “Anyway, I should finish up this stuff and get out of your way.” She picks up some papers and shuffles them into a neat pile.

 

“That’s ok, I have to teach now.” Regina says happily. “You can work in here if you want”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yes”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song they sing in assembly is [ Autumn Days by Estelle White.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9mvrkQbzgc)


	6. Chapter 6

It’s another few weeks while Emma helps facilitate the school merge. November draws to a close and she finds herself looking for reasons to stay and things she can help with. She knows she’s stalling so at the beginning of December she’s kind of grateful to be asked for something, even if it’s not really her area. 

 

“Thank you for agreeing to help, Marian cancelled last minute so I would have been stuck without you to balance the adult to child ratio.”

 

Emma follows Regina through the corridor towards the senior hall. Christmas music is playing and the lights are dimmed. They pass through the long curtains into what has been turned into a Christmas dance floor.

 

“Oh my god, this is amazing.” She smiles at the kids dressed up all smart and festive.

 

“A formal request submitted by 47 students that they wanted a first and last Christmas party during the last ever last few weeks of school before Christmas,” Regina says, barely even trying to hide her smile “referencing my speech, so I could hardly refuse them.”

 

Emma laughs. “Where’s Henry?”

 

“Fixing his hair.” Regina sighs.

 

“Everything ok?”

 

“He isn’t happy with it, he’s been in the bathroom for fifteen minutes. I don’t want to go and see if he’s ok because--”

 

“Because that would be mortifying for him?” Regina holds up her hands. “I’ll go check on him.”

 

She knocks on the door to the accessible toilet. “Hen, it’s Emma.” He opens the door with a distraught look on his face. “What’s up?” He points dramatically to his hair. There’s so much wax in it he looks like an action figure. “Ok, you want help?”

 

“Duh!”

 

“Excuse me?” Emma's eyebrow raise.

 

“Please.” Henry says looking sheepish.

 

“Ok, we can fix this but you’ve got to wash the wax out.”

 

She helps him wash his hair with hand soap in the sink and dry it under the hand dryer. It’s fluffy and out at all angles but they can work with it.

 

“Oh my god.” He says seeing his reflection.

 

“Hush, give me that.” She takes a tiny amount of wax and starts twisting the ends of his hair. “Start at the back.” She musses it up as she goes, twisting his fringe to one side and turning the fluff into texture. “Alright, have a look.”

 

He smiles when he sees it. “Awesome!” He twists out a few more bits and laughs. “I look so cool”

 

“So why all this fuss?” Emma asks watching his toothy grin.

 

He sighs and turns to her. “When did you first know you liked boys?”

 

“Ooh.” That’s awkward. She flips the toilet seat lid down and sits on it, leaning forward with her hands on her thighs. “Actually, I liked girls, Hen.”

 

“Oh.” He pauses. “So when did you first know? Was there one girl you liked more than others?”

 

“Y-yeah.” She says, that was easier than she expected.

 

“How did you know?”

 

“I didn’t for a long time. I just thought she was really pretty and I wanted her to like me and I was sad when she wasn’t around. Is there someone here you like?”

 

“I don’t know.” He says and drops his eyes to the floor.

 

“You know, if you like someone you should just go for it.” Emma says.

 

“Is that what you did?”

 

“Yeah, eventually.”

 

“And what happened?”

 

“Well I kissed her and she kissed me back,” He smiles “and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

 

“Are you still with her?” He asks. “In Edinburgh?”

 

“No.”

 

“Do you still love her?”

 

“Um… I… aren’t we talking about you?”

 

“No.” He says, looking frankly at her the way Regina does sometimes and she feels like she has nowhere to hide.

 

“Come on, Regina’s gonna be in here looking for us both in a minute.”

 

They find Regina hovering on the line between the corridor and the hall.

 

“Hi! You were gone for…” She stops when she sees his hair.

 

“Do you like it?” He beams.

 

“It’s...wow, you look like a proper teenager.” She goes to touch it and he flinches away 

 

“ _ Mamá _ !”

 

“Sorry  _ mijo _ ”

 

“I basically am a teenager anyway.” He says before running off to talk to his friends.

 

“I hope you showed him how to do that.” Regina says, watching him go.

 

“Yep.” Emma grins. “They’ll be all over him.”

 

“Who will be?” Regina asks suddenly very interested in who he’s talking to.

 

“Oh stop it.” Emma pulls her arm so she can’t turn to see him any longer. “Whoever he wants to impress tonight. Leave him alone! It’s probably hard enough for him that you’re here.”

 

Regina scowls but concedes.

 

-

 

Henry finds her when Feliz Navidad starts playing

 

“Hey, let’s dance!” He says, taking her hand. He side steps and dances properly to the song and Emma can't help laughing in surprise.

 

“Kid that’s so smooth!”

 

_ “Feliz Navidad. _ ” He replies singing along. They step forwards and back and he takes her hand and spins her on “prospero ano”.

 

“Kid! This is amazing!” 

 

When it gets to the chorus he lets her go and dances his normal way, swaying slightly more than usual. “Stay here” he says and runs off. 

 

She figures he’s gone to dance with whoever he’s looking to impress. She smiles at the kids dancing around her. The chorus is ending and she hears her name. Regina crashes into her, lead by Henry who disappears as Emma catches her, hand on hip by accident.

 

“Oh, hi!” Emma says, letting go quickly.

 

Regina looks around for Henry but doesn’t see him. She holds up her hands to dance “ _ Feliz Navidad? _ ”

 

_ “Feliz Navidad.” _ Emma smiles in reply. 

 

Regina dances like Henry had but Emma leads. She spins her on “prospero ano”  just like Henry had and Regina laughs.  _ “Muy bien.” _

 

The music slows and they stay together and slow with it. It kind of feels natural but also, surrounded by kids it’s kind of awkward, even if they are off to the side. For one song it’s fine, there are other staff around who might raise an eyebrow to more than that.

 

“I should just... check on...them.” Regina says.

 

She’s so close, Emma glances at her lips by accident and lets her go. “Yeah. Okay.” 

 

Regina watches her for a moment. Emma buries her hands in her back pockets and Regina doesn't move. They stand close without touching.

 

“Sorry, I’m distracting you from your duties.” Emma says.

 

“No it’s fine, it was nice. You’re a good dancer.” Regina says. Emma smiles and she looks away “Ok, children.”

 

When the last of the children have been collected (including Henry, social butterfly that he is) they head back up to Regina’s house.

 

Emma doesn’t know why she parked there instead of at the school. Autopilot, she guesses. Their hands bump as they walked close together and Emma jumps. She thinks of Henry, trying to be brave and talk to whoever he likes. She takes Regina’s hand and watches for her reaction. Regina looks down at their joined hands as they walk but says nothing. Emma holds her breath but after a moment Regina looks ahead of them and nothing happens.

 

Emma can’t think of anything to say. She can’t really think of anything at all other than that Regina is holding her hand as they walk around outside, in public, at all. She let’s go as they approach the steps up to the drive and Emma’s hand is cold immediately. She’s sad without Regina’s. As they get to the top, she definitely isn’t watching the way Regina’s dress swishes with her movements. Regina slides her hand back into Emma’s and she feels like she might faint with all the possibilities of what that could mean. They stay together up Regina’s steps, wide enough for them to ascend together, even on Regina’s porch, she pulls her keys out with one hand and opens the door.

 

“Do you want a drink?” Regina asks, avoiding her gaze as she put the keys down on the sideboard.

 

There are Christmas ornaments on display and a decorated tree that must be twelve feet tall illuminating the entrance hall. Somehow it still feels like a huge space. The distance between them feels enormous. The glow of lights and tinsel and sparkling ornaments pale in comparison to the red of Regina’s dress, the bow of her lips, the way she flicks her hair out of her face with the haute of a queen.

 

“Um, yeah?” Emma says. “Like, coffee?”

 

Regina shrugs. “Whatever you want.”

 

“I don’t really want a drink.” Emma says, turning their hands up and letting them swing back down. 

 

“Emma…” She wants to run away. This is a fall or fly moment and she’s terrified she’ll fall, almost as terrified as she is not to try. She pulls Regina towards her and she comes. Her eyes are down and her brow furrowed. “Emma, what does this mean? What is this?”

 

“I don’t know what it is, but I can’t stop thinking about it.”

 

Regina looks up and their noses brush. “Emma, please.” She whispers. Emma doesn’t have an answer. She doesn’t have the words to define what they have, what they’ve been through, how they’ve changed, how they’ve healed together. She doesn’t know how to communicate that and Regina takes her silence as the end of what she has to say on the subject. “I can’t do this with you, not again. It’s too painful.”

 

Emma looks down into her dark eyes. Every muscle in her body strains to pull Regina closer but she doesn’t move. She just looks at Regina watching her until she can’t stand it any longer. “Okay.” She manages to step back. “I should go then.”

 

“What?”

 

“I can’t be here, I can’t be around you like this, not anymore.”

 

“So this is the choice you’re giving me? Either we sleep together and you go back to Edinburgh and I never see you again, or we don’t sleep together and you go back to Edinburgh and I still never see you again.” Emma doesn’t know what to say. All she can think about is smudging Regina’s lipstick and feeling her arms around her again. She can’t think further than that to what it means. She can’t get further than the feel of their hands entwined. “I don’t want either of those things, but I know which would be more painful. What do you want from me?” Regina searches her face with desperation.

 

“You’re right.” Emma says wiping her eyes. “I thought we could have something, I thought we could be something to each other again but yeah you’re right, it was stupid. I have to go.”

 

“Emma--”

 

But she’s gone. She’s down the steps and in her car and suddenly she’s home. She drops into the sofa and cries, unable to think of anything but how much she misses her already. 

 

-

 

Edinburgh

 

“Swansong!” David greets her as he opens the door of her flat.

 

“Hey,” she hugs him hard around the middle “your beard is longer.”

 

“Hair grows.” He says in mock wonder. “You came by train?”

 

“Yeah.” She says, still clinging onto him and he lets her. He’s big and broad chested which makes him a really good hugger.

 

“Where’s all your stuff, honey?”

 

“What stuff?”

 

“You know, the stuff you took so you could live there for a couple of months.” She lets go of him to look at her suitcase. “Jesus Christ, you pack light, or, you didn’t lose anything in the fire did you?”

 

“No, this is just my stuff.”

 

“Did you leave half of it at her place?” He asks with a cheeky smile. She doesn’t respond, just stares at the floor. “Oh honey, can’t she see you’re in the big L with her? The big lesbian L?”

 

He hugs her again and this time her arms stay by her side. “Yeah, I live here though so,” she shrugs “it’s not like it would have worked.”

 

“What?” He lets go and holds her arms. “You only live here because you live here, you can do your job anywhere! Get a job down south, Christ Em!”

 

“It’s not gonna happen.” She says flatly.

 

“As your best friend I’m telling you, you’re full of shit.” She doesn’t smile. He rubs her arms and brushes against the knotted bracelet she wears.

 

“Her kid made it for me.” She says flatly.

 

His face grows more serious. “Henry?”

 

Her faces crumples as she tries not to cry. She nods and he pulls her back into his arms and rubs her back. “Honey…”

 

“He’s awesome, David. He thinks space is cool.” She says before choking on her own words. Tears rolls thick and fast down her nose and into his shirt.

 

“He sounds wonderful.”

 

Emma doesn’t hear from Regina again. She sits curled up on her sofa on Christmas Day, taking a brief reprieve from the festive drinking and cooking going on in her kitchen. If she hears ‘All I Want For Christmas’ one more time she’s going to chuck the speakers and the offending device out of the window.

 

The Skype tone makes her jump and she answers a call from someone named Enrique. She thinks they might be a client she’s forgotten about so she's glad she managed to at least put some makeup on today.

 

“Hi Emma!” Henry’s face fills the entire screen and she gasps.

 

“Kid!”

 

_ “Feliz Navidad!” _ He says, sitting back. Emma sees he’s sitting on Regina who looks as surprised as she feels.

 

“Merry Christmas.” Emma replies automatically “Uh, hi Regina.”

 

“Merry Christmas, Emma.” She replies.

 

“Thank you for my presents!” Henry leans too close into the camera to smile at her.

 

Before she left Emma had made Henry a pack of space themed gifts. They included a constellation knitted scarf, a space pattern T-shirt, the movie Space Jam, the Beastie Boys’ Intergalactic on CD and a packet of flying saucers.

 

“You’re welcome, kid. I’m glad you like them.” She says and tries to swallow the tears she can feel coming on.

 

“You left before I could give you your present!” He says.

 

“What? You didn't need to get me anything.” She's not doing a great job of not crying.

 

“I know I didn’t have to, I wanted to.” He frowns. “Are you coming back soon?”

 

“Henry,” Regina says quietly “we talked about this.”

 

He scowls and looks away from the camera.

 

“Maybe Regina can just post it to me.” Emma says.

 

“Yeah.” He says with disappointment. It’s quiet and Regina looks concerned in the background. Emma sniffs her running nose. “Why are you crying?” Henry asks

 

“Oh… I just have a cold” Emma says. He looks like he doesn’t believe her so she changes the subject. “What are you doing today then? Any family around?”

 

“No, it’s a  _ nadre _ year.” Henry says.

 

“ _ Nadre _ ?”

 

Regina sits forwards. “One year with  _ Madre _ , one with  _ Padre _ , one with no one, so,  _ nadre _ . It’s a joke about  _ nada _ meaning nothing”

 

“Oh yeah, I get it, that’s funny. So it’s just you two?”

 

“Yes, what about you?” Regina asks.

 

“We’re doing friends Christmas. We’re at my house because I’m the best cook.”

 

“You bloody liar!” David shouts from the other room and Emma smiles.

 

“So that’s what I’m doing. Do you have any plans for New Year?”

 

“No plans really. Marian’s birthday is usually a pretty big blow out so by the time New Year comes around everyone is still too hung-- uh, tired to do anything.” Emma laughs. “And you?”

 

“Well, here’s it’s Hogmanay, obviously.”

 

“What’s that?” Henry asks

 

“Well in Edinburgh there is a huge party. There’s music and stalls and food and at midnight everyone pretends to know the words to Auld Lang Syne and there’s fireworks. You dance and have fun with all the people you love.”

 

Henry’s eyes are huge listening to her. “Are you going?”

 

“Not this year”

 

“Why?”

 

“My people are all going to be in different places. I could watch it on the TV or out of the window really. No point in going to bed early cause I’ll never sleep through it.” She smiles but she’s not happy, basically confessing what a saddo she’s being this year, that she can't stand the idea of trying to be happy with people who actually are happy. She’s staying home but she’d much rather be able to say she has a date or something.

 

“We’re not doing anything, are we  _ Mamá _ ?” Henry asks

 

“No,  _ mijo. _ ”

 

“Why don’t we go to Hogmanny?” Henry asks and Emma almost physically starts.

 

“Henry, we weren’t invited.” Regina says quietly.

 

“You’re welcome though, I mean if you want to visit.” Emma says.

 

Regina pauses for a moment. “Can you check the oven temperature for me, sweetheart? I forgot what I set it to.”

 

He hops off her lap and runs for the kitchen.

 

“Shit, I’m sorry Ree. I didn't mean to makes things difficult. Of course you guys are welcome if you want to come. I have a spare room so you wouldn’t have to book a hotel. It’s just up to you, no pressure either way.”

 

Henry appears again, leaps onto Regina’s lap and turns to Emma.

 

“Thank you for my gift too” Regina says in a voice that somehow sounds warm and sad at the same time. “I love Alicia Keys.”

 

“Yeah I know, women of colour playing classical piano is your jam” she smiles back. Regina doesn’t reply, if anything she looks even sadder. She decides to change the subject. “Wow so Regina’s cooking Christmas dinner?”

 

Henry snorts. “No, it just got delivered.” Regina rolls her eyes in the background and Emma smiles. “So Hogmanny?”

 

“I don’t know, sweetheart.” Regina says.

 

“Why?”

 

“Well, Marian’s birthday is the 29th, the 30th I’ll be… tired. The 31st, is that too late?”

 

“No that’s fine!” Emma says. “The first would be too late.” 

 

Regina smiles. “And how long would we stay for?”

 

“Well, get an open return and you can go whenever you want.” Emma’s fingers tie themselves in knots just out of view of the webcam as she watches Regina bite the inside of her lip and Henry close his eyes and cross his fingers.

 

“Ok, that’s what we’ll do.” Regina says.

 

“Yay!” Henry leaps into the air.

 

Emma laughs. “Perfect.”

 

Henry beams at the camera, then at his mother and back. Emma can’t get over how cute it is, no wonder his bid to get a school Christmas party was so successful. 

 

“Do you want to see me playing piano?” He asks after a moment.

 

“Sure.” Emma replies. 

 

The image that fills her screen is of toddler Henry sitting on Regina’s knee as she plays Snow Coach on piano. He hits keys too but not hard enough to play them. She bounces him a little and he cackles, tottering and grabbing her arms. Regina has dark circles under her eyes but when Henry laughs her smile is the brightest Emma has ever seen.

 

“Oops, I thought that was me, I think it’s this one.” Henry’s face appears in the Skype window again and Regina sits behind him wearing a look that’s almost upset. Maybe just nostalgia from seeing Henry so small, Emma guesses.

 

_ “Mijo--” _

 

A video fills her screen and music she doesn’t recognise blasts out of her speakers. In the video Regina is dancing in her kitchen and singing along as someone cooks at her stove. 

 

“Will you let me cook!?” Marian turns around, face a mix of amusement and irritation.

 

Regina sings back and takes Marian’s hands to dance. _ “Por un beso de la flaca daría lo que fuera por un beso de ella aunque solo uno fuera.” _

 

The camera shakes and Henry’s giggle drowns out the music for a second before it cuts out.

 

“Oops, wrong one again.” Henry says.

 

Regina’s head now rests in her hand behind her son. “Henry, which one are you looking for?” She asks but he seems to find it.

 

A video of Henry playing Jingle Bells on piano starts playing. It’s in Regina’s drawing room which is filled with people in expensive looking clothes. She sees Cora in the background and guesses it must be when she lived there, her Christmas party. Henry only looks a couple of years younger, 9 years old maybe. He plays well even at a young age. She catches sight of Regina in the background. Her limbs are drawn tight into her body, she looks tense enough to snap. Her fingers twitch as she follows every note he plays. When he finishes the room applauds him and Regina smiles. She seems to catch the eye of the person holding the camera and nods. Emma guesses Marian again. The video closes and Henry’s face takes up the screen again.

 

“That was awesome, you have to play for me sometime.” She says.

 

“I like singing more, do you want to see me singing?”

 

“ _ Mijo”  _ Regina sits forwards in her chair.

 

“What?” He complains.

 

“I would love to buddy, but I have to go because I think someone’s burning my turkey.”

 

“It’s supposed to flambeed, right?” David shouts from the kitchen.

 

Regina laughs. “I’ll send you our travel details.”

 

“Awesome, I can’t wait.” She says goodbye and signs off as David appears in the living room.

 

“You ok, honey?” He asks, perching on the arm of her chair. The guy David’s kind of seeing follows him in and sits down on the sofa across from her.

 

“I just did something.” She says.

 

“Something good or something bad?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

She sees David and the guy (Lance, maybe?) exchange a look, but she doesn't care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music:  
> Jose Feliciano - Feliz Navidad  
> [Russ Conway - Snow Coach](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5qp4ZNMmHk)  
> [Sufjan Stevens - Jingle Bells](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c64FCJKw6s)


	7. Chapter 7

# 

Emma shifts from one foot to the other waiting by the barrier at Edinburgh Waverley. The station is freezing, as always. Her jacket doesn't keep her warm and even if it did she’d still be doing her nervous little dance. She stares at the arrivals board until she realises she’s not even reading it anymore. She almost rubs her eyes but just in time remembers she put mascara on today. She shakes her head instead and rubs her gloved hands together.

 

“Emma!” She hears and turns just in time to see Henry launch himself into her arms. He’s flying towards her in a grey winter coat and red scarf. He always looks so smart and his clothes are so small. She catches him and swings him around.

 

“Little man! I'm so glad you're here!” She kisses the side of his head and puts him down. Her face hurts from smiling at him.

 

“How was the journey?” She asks, looking up to see Regina approaching them at a more reserved pace.

 

“It was fine.” Henry answers. “Why are you crying?”

 

She wipes under her eyes. “I'm not crying.”

 

“Yes you are.”

 

“You're crying.” She pokes him in the ribs and he recoils with a grunt.

 

“Hello” Regina says as she reaches them.

 

“Hi” Emma holds her arms out, offering a hug. 

 

It's risky, but Regina steps into it. She tries to ignore how well they fit together and the smell of Regina's perfume. She doesn't want to think about the last time they were this close. She thinks about it so often that the memory’s worn out.

 

“Okay,” she says when they break apart “the flat is close so we’re going to walk. Do you have everything you need?”

 

Regina lifts a brown leather weekend bag and Emma smiles. Of course she has a weekend bag. She can't imagine Regina with a suitcase that has wheels. 

 

“Yep!” Henry says. “Can I get a drink?”

 

“Henry, Emma said we’ll be there soon.”

 

“Merida said I had to try Irn Bru.” 

 

“I don't have Irn Bru.” Emma says and Regina concedes.

 

They wait for him and watch through the glass doors as he queues up in WH Smiths.

 

“How is he?”  Emma asks.

 

“He’s been good all morning. He seems almost relieved to be away from home. He’s been much more shy since the fire and everything. I’m surprised he went in there alone.” Regina says and watches him a while longer.

 

“That sounds like progress. Look,” Emma starts “I don't want this to be weird. I'm not gonna make it weird, I'm just really happy to see you both and I want you to have a good time.”

 

Traces of Regina's default frown still linger on her face. “I don't want it to be weird either. I can't really believe we’re here.”

 

“Me either.” Emma laughs. “It's nice though.”

 

Henry barrels into them. “I've got it!” He says producing a bottle of luminous orange liquid.

 

_ “ _ _ ¡Dios mío! _ _ ” _ Regina takes it off him to read the label.

 

“ _ Mamaaaaa _ !” He complains and looks at Emma. Emma shrugs and looks at Regina. She’s not happy. She passes it back with a roll of her eyes.

 

“You're only having this one, so enjoy it while it lasts.”

 

Emma smiles and leads them out of the station. She loves the city but getting around it is different with visitors. It’s interesting to see what they find interesting. Henry loves the open squares, the trees and, once it comes into view, the castle. Regina takes in the buildings everywhere they go. Emma watches from the corner of her eye as Regina makes mental notes of expensive looking shops she’s going to visit later. 

 

“So there are a few options for tonight.” Emma says as they walk up her street. The buildings are yellow stone and set back from the road. They all have wide tiled porches and freshly painted front doors. The park opposite is fenced with wrought iron and lined with large beech trees that still cling to some orange leaves. “We could go to a restaurant for dinner, somewhere that overlooks the fireworks. We could go to the Christmas markets and get food, go on rides, buy some tat we don't need and watch the fireworks there. We could have dinner in and watch the fireworks from the window. We could go to the castle and watch from there, but fair warning, it's really, really cold up there.”

 

Henry seems overwhelmed with choice. 

 

“Why don't we go inside and warm up and talk about it?” Regina says as they get to the right building. 

 

Emma lets them in and takes them up the creaking wooden stairs to her flat. The hallway is plain but clean and well-lit. She opens her door and holds it open for them both. The hallway is narrow but they all squeeze in. The carpet is beige and the walls white. There are three vintage travel posters in frames leaning against the wall.

 

“I keep meaning to put those up.” She says self consciously as Regina notices them.

 

“Mirkwood?” Regina asks with a smile.

 

“Hogsmede!” Henry sees one he knows.

 

“What's the third one?” Regina asks.

 

“Viridian City.” Emma mumbles. “Right, coats can go in there.” She points to a cupboard. Regina hangs their coats up and follows Henry who goes leaping after Emma.

 

“This is the living room.” She waves. Wooden bookshelves fill the alcoves on either side of the fireplace and a low table of matching oak sits in the middle. There are two sofas with bright cushions, a painting hangs on the wall and plants and ornaments sit on the high window sills. Everything is neutral with splashes of colour. It feels warm. Emma's computer is tucked down one side of the sofa and a cable sticks out by the side of it. 

 

“In here is the kitchen.” They follow her into a long room, lined on one side with white units with red tiled tops. The dining table is pushed against the wall, with four chairs pushed in. “Slash dining room.”

 

“Bedroom.” She says pointing through another door as they go down the corridor.

 

“Is this where we’ll be?” Regina asks.

 

“No that's my room,” Emma says “you're here.”

 

They follow her to a room on the opposite side of the corridor next to the kitchen. It has a slanted ceiling over the bed. Everything is much the same as the rest of the flat. Neutral, bright, decorated minimally with splashes of interesting things.  There are fresh flowers in a vase on the window sill and another full bookcase. 

 

“So this is the bathroom.” She points at the opposite door. “I'm going to make some coffee if you want to get settled?”

 

Regina nods gratefully and Emma leaves them to it. She hears Henry poking around in her bathroom, opening cupboards and rolling up the blind to look at the city. She puts the coffee on and leans against the counter as she looks out over the city. Her view is a little obscured by chimneys but she can see the castle well enough. 

 

“So how does someone who audits schools afford an apartment like this in the middle of Edinburgh?”

 

She turns to see Regina smiling and leaning on the door frame. She’s wearing a white silky looking blouse and high waisted skinny black jeans. She does not look like Headmistress Flores and for a moment Emma forgets the question.

 

‘Don't be weird’ she thinks as she accidentally drags her eyes down her. She clears her throat. “Um, I actually work in service design. The school job just came up at a convenient time and I thought it would be fun. I don't usually do schools, I do stuff for big companies that pay well and in between those jobs I do,” she shrugs “more interesting things, pro bono sometimes.”

 

“Wow, a shrewd businesswoman with a heart of gold. It writes itself”

 

A heart of gold? The gargling coffee pot saves her from having to reply. 

 

“So, do you want to talk about plans for tonight? Or you could go take a nap, you must be tired? There are towels in your room if you want a shower, um…”

 

“Emma”

 

“Yes?” She turns to look at Regina. How does she look so comfortable? So at home in her home?

 

“You’re making things weird.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Stop being weird.”

 

“Ok. How?”

 

Regina sighs. “Ask me how my Christmas was.”

 

“So, how was your Christmas?  _ Nadre _ ?”

 

“ _ Nadre _ Christmas was lovely” Regina says, pulling out a dining chair to sit in. She sits sideways and leans against the wall. “Thank you for asking. Henry loved his gifts. Thank you for introducing him to the Beastie Boys. He can’t believe he enjoys anything so old.”

 

Emma laughs. “Wow, as old as the 90s?” She continues making coffee and waits to see where Regina is taking them.

 

“I want this weekend to be nice.” Regina says eventually as Emma sets their coffee down and sits across the corner from her.  

 

“So do I.” Emma says, watching her expression carefully. 

 

“We need to talk.” Regina reaches across the table to touch her arm briefly.

 

The bathroom door opens and Henry stomps into the guest room. She's never noticed how noisy he is before. She has so much to say and what feels like so little time. She's not even sure how much of it is appropriate to say.

 

“I--” she begins but she struggles. Regina watches her carefully. “I’m not gonna try to kiss you again, Ree.” Henry bounds into the kitchen and leaps onto her knees. “Don’t worry.” 

 

Regina doesn’t look less worried. She sits back and smooths out a crease in her jeans that isn’t really there.

 

“What are we doing tonight? Can I have a snack? Can I have coffee?” Henry asks. He wiggles off Emma’s lap and pulls out the chair next to her instead.

 

“We’re just talking about it.” Regina says. “I think the markets might be fun?”

 

“Yeah, there’s rides and a hog roast and you can get mulled wine and stuff. Hot chocolate for you, buddy.” Emma musses his hair.

 

Something in her chest aches. She thought she would feel better with Regina knowing she wasn’t going to cross that line again but she doesn't. She betrayed herself for wanting something so unrealistic. The only reaction that wouldn't leave her feeling this way would probably have been Regina throwing the coffee off the table, dragging her across it and kissing her like some gross 90s romantic comedy. Imagining that doesn't really help either and for a second she wonders if Regina can read it on her face because she seems to have made things worse. So much for not being weird. Henry picks at grapes from the fruit bowl and she wonders if this whole thing was a huge mistake.

 

“So Emma, how was your Christmas?” Regina asks, seeming to concentrate on stirring her coffee.

 

“It was good.” She says.

 

“Did you get some good presents?” Henry asks.

 

“Yeah, I got some great presents.” She smiles.

 

Henry launches into a detailed catalogue of all the gifts he received and she gives all the appropriate responses. Mostly she's concentrating on not looking at Regina who she can see watching them with a very dangerous look on her face.

 

-

 

Regina closes the living room door behind her. Emma is busy agonizing over what music to put on. She sits across one sofa with her legs out. “Hey” she says without looking up. 

 

“Why did you leave?” Regina asks.

 

Emma looks up, certain she has misheard her. “What?”

 

Regina folds her hands in front of her. “Henry has just gone down for a nap and I really think we need to talk. I want to be friends, Emma, and I think you do too, but there are a few things I just can’t get past, so we need to talk about them.” Emma closes the laptop and sits up. Regina sits down where her legs had been. She faces forwards and Emma watches the side of her face. “Why did you leave the first time?”

 

Emma feels sick all of a sudden. She falls back to that night in a second, remembers Cora’s threat, Regina mumbling beetlejuice in her sleep and crying the entire taxi ride back to her house.

 

“You know why, you must have figured it out by now, gone back to my student record, found the paperwork.” Emma says.

 

“The paperwork was mysteriously misfiled but I have my suspicions. I need you to tell me.” Regina replies, smoothing her painted nails.

 

She feels like her heart is beating in her throat. “Because of the accident. Mrs M-- your mother transferred me to St Catherine's.” Regina turns to watch her. “I was trapped.”

 

“But why did you transfer? Why did you have to get away? We could have… We were…”

 

“She made me transfer, Ree. I didn’t want to.” Emma sits forward. “God I didn’t want not to see you every day and have our last Christmas there and…” She licks her lips and looks away. “It doesn’t matter, it’s done now.”

 

“It does matter.” Regina turns fully to her, knee up on the sofa. “It matters to me, I need to know how you could leave after everything you said. Wasn’t it real? Were you lying? Were you just wrong?”

 

“Wrong about what?”

 

“You said you loved me!” Regina says. The seventeen year old she knew sits across from her, eyes wide and heart open. “I believed you.”

 

Words catch in Emma’s throat. She feels her heart clang in her chest as she remembers their first kiss sitting at Regina’s piano, the feel of Regina’s skin between her teeth, the first time she touched her and how overwhelmed she was by it.

 

“I-I wasn’t lying, I really did… Regina I was trapped, your mother sent me away, threatened to throw me out of school, she said I couldn’t see you.”

 

“Why did you let her?”

 

“Because she held my future in her hands! You know how I grew up, you know how much I needed to get away.”

 

“So you left because she made you.” Regina takes a deep breath and lets it go. “Why didn’t you come back? Why didn’t you call or visit or get someone else to talk to me?”

 

“Because I was no good for you.” 

 

“That’s bullshit and it wasn’t your decision!”

 

Emma feels her cheeks redden. “I did love you, Ree. That’s why I left you alone. When they said you were with someone else I thought you might be happy and I couldn’t bear the idea of ruining that for you.”

 

Regina’s eyes shine with tears.

 

_ “Mamá?” _ Henry calls down the hall. She gets up immediately. 

 

_ “Hola mijo. ¿Estas bien?” _

 

She returns in a few minutes. Emma’s knees are pulled tight up to her chest. “What else is on your list to talk about?”

 

Regina swallows and meets her gaze with renewed strength. “Why did you stay when you knew I was the headmistress of the school?”

 

“I couldn’t get a transfer.” She says.

 

“You already told me you didn’t need the job, you could have just left.”

 

“I could have, but someone needed to do the audit.”

 

“They would have found someone to do it.” Regina dismisses.

 

“I wanted to help.”

 

“Out of guilt?”

 

“No! I don’t know. Maybe a bit.” Her head is starting to ache now and she's not sure about anything. 

 

“Out of anything else?”

 

“I wanted to help you.” She looks at her hands in her lap while she tries to figure out how to say what she needs to. “It was really good to see you, even when it was really hard. Even when you hated me.”

 

“I don't hate you.”

 

“Well, you acted like you hated me all the time.” Emma watches Regina nod, guilt tinges her face, something about how her eyes shift give her away. “Can I ask you something?”

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Does this hurt for you?” Regina doesn’t speak. Emma continues. “Being together, not being together, how things are different since the fire, since I kissed you, please give me something.”

 

“Yes and no.” Regina says and for a moment Emma thinks that's all she'll say and she wants to scream. “It hurts because I never understood how you could go and I didn’t trust you when you came back. I felt...I felt like there was a knife in my heart and every time I saw you it twisted, reminded me of how I wasn’t good enough, in the end, and how foolish I had been to believe you. Since the fire, since you kissed me I can’t feel the knife. Since you left…I can’t feel anything.”

 

“Do you wish I hadn’t kissed you?”

 

“I don’t know,” Emma takes a deep breath and looks away. “Why did you kiss me?”

 

Emma’s torn. She’s supposed to not be making things weird, does that count for this conversation? Can she be as honest as she wants to be?

 

“I think there are too many reasons to list them. I guess the most important one is that I felt something and I hoped it wasn’t one sided, but I guess it was and everything you said was right, I mean it could never work even if you did feel the same way.”

 

Regina closes her eyes and lets her head tip back into the cushions. Emma can’t help but trace the shape of her neck from her collarbone to her chin, along her jaw to her ear. She remembers biting her ears and the first time Regina kissed hers and she erupted into goosebumps. She rubs her head.

 

“Is there anything else you want to talk about?”

 

Regina turns to her and studies her face. “Only one more thing. What do you see when you look at Henry?” Emma’s face crumples into tears. She lets her head fall to her knees. The pressure on the sofa changes as Regina moves towards her and she feels her hand on her knee. “Emma?”

 

She wipes her face harshly with her sleeves. “I was pregnant once.” She says with her eyes down. Her hand almost slips to her stomach but she has trained herself not to do that anymore. “I lost the baby” more tears spill from her eyes and she wipes those away too. “When I look at him,” she covers her mouth, “I see a happy little boy. His life is full. You love each other so much.” She wipes her eyes again. “I see a clever kid who’s confident and kind and I see you. I see you when I look at him in the way he ties his laces carefully and he smiles at everyone and he runs everywhere and wants to know everything. God, Regina he’s so you, but he’s his own person too. He has so much of you in him but his cheeky grin must be his dad’s.” She looks up to see Regina nod, her own face streaked with tears. “And he plays piano but he loves singing and he likes space.” She drops her head to her knees again and lets out a sob. “He’s everything he should be. He’s incredible.”

 

Regina’s arms wrap around her and she feels her heart ache subside. “Thank you.” Regina kisses the top of her head. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

 

-

 

“All set?” Emma asks.

 

Henry is so well wrapped in layers he could probably throw himself down the stairs, bounce and be fine.

 

_ “¡Si!”  _ Henry says.

 

“ _ Hej _ .” Regina frowns.

 

Henry rolls his eyes. “Yes”

 

Emma quirks an eyebrow at Regina. “It's rude to speak in a language that some of the people you're with don't understand.”

 

_ “Hablo español?” _ Henry asks.

 

“Um. _ Fanta naranja?” _

 

Regina smiles. “so no then.  _ Inglesi _ .”

 

“Fiiiiiine.” Henry sighs dramatically.

 

“He prefers Spanish?” Emma asks as she locks the door behind them.

 

“He goes through phases. I think he misses family.”

 

Emma expects her heart to hurt when Henry takes her hand, but it doesn’t. They walk down to the markets as a trio and Emma doesn’t dare speculate on what they look like. The streets are full, bustling with life and laughter. The night’s coldness bites into them, but it seems to be lessened by being in a crowd. Emma buys them all hot chocolate (hers and Regina’s include a wee dram to keep them warm). 

 

“Can we keep the mugs?” Henry asks.

 

“Yeah, that’s the point.” Emma replies.

 

“Didn’t you pay a deposit?” Regina asks.

 

“Yeah but,” she shrugs “that’s no fun. I brought bags for them.” She produces three carrier bags so they can wrap them up and pocket them when they’re empty. Regina’s smile sparkles in her eyes and Emma stuffs the bags back in her pocket. What she doesn’t need right now is to break her promise and kiss Regina just because her cheeks are a bit pink in the cold and she looks like actual heaven.

 

They explore the stalls. Henry is mostly interested in things he can consume there and then. Regina finds a vintage stall and barters for a silk scarf while Emma buys herself a tea light holder that spins slowly on the heat produced by the candle. They all buy food from different stalls. Henry goes for bratwurst, Emma for hog roast and Regina for borscht. By the time the countdown is due they are well fed, well watered and well entertained. Henry opts out of the rides because the queues are too long. Instead he enjoys the sights and sounds of Edinburgh and Emma tells him about the castle and the city.

 

“Can we go to the castle?” He asks.

 

“Sure.” Emma looks at Regina who nods. Henry beams at them both and turns to look at the castle on the hill again. “I’m glad we talked before.” Emma says over his head.

 

“Me too.” Regina smiles and it’s sparkly again. This time Emma doesn’t look away.

 

“I feel...normal.” Emma says.

 

“Me too.”

 

“Is that all you can say?” Emma asks with a grin.

 

For a moment Regina watches her before replying. “Me too.”

 

Emma nudges her elbow as feels like things might actually be ok. They huddle together as the crowd swells in what's known to be the best spot for the fireworks. Someone knocks into Regina and Emma catches his shoulder before he falls into Henry as well.

 

“Hey buddy, you ok?” She asks, pushing hard enough to get him away from them, but not enough to push him over.

 

“Oh shit.” The guy says and laughs. “Sorry sorry sorry, call me an arsehole I’m sorry hen.”

 

“You’re ok.” Emma says. “There’s a place to sit up there. You good?”

 

“Aye!” He wanders off. Emma watches him go and places an arm protectively around Henry. The countdown begins and they shout along with the crowd.

 

“3...2...1… Happy new year!”

 

Henry reaches up to kiss Regina, then turns to Emma and she bends down to kiss him too. When she stands she's laughing at the look on his face and she turns to Regina with her arms out. 

 

“Happy new year” Regina smiles and leans into it. 

 

Emma turns to place a kiss on her cheek but something else happens instead. Something changes, she doesn’t know if it’s even her, but suddenly her lips are on Regina’s and there’s flashing light and explosions everywhere. Regina’s hand is on her hip, keeping her steady. She doesn’t dare open her eyes in case she ends it. When Regina pulls away she wants her back immediately.

 

“ _ Mamá _ , did you see that one?” Henry asks, jumping up and down.

 

“No,  _ mijo _ .” She says.

 

“Are you even paying attention?” He asks looking up at them both. 

 

Emma is trying not to stare at her, not to betray everything she’s thinking, not to make assumptions. 

 

Regina watches her with a soft expression. “No,  _ mijo _ .” She replies. 

 

Emma smiles tentatively. Whatever it meant it has to be good, right? Someone takes her hand and she turns. A boy with purple hair is smiling at her and with crossed arms, had taken her free hand.

 

_ “Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?” _ He sings

 

“Should auld acquaintance be forgot” she sings and turns to take Regina’s hand. Her arms are already crossed as she holds Henry’s. Henry’s looking for someone to take his other hand and Regina holds her outs.

 

_ “For auld lang syne” _ she smiles wide as she sings. 

 

Fireworks are still exploding overhead and they’re accompanied by pipers. Everyone around them is smiling and singing, faces illuminated by flashes every couple of seconds. It feels as if the entire city is singing with them. They sway and smile at complete strangers and Henry la’s along to the tune. Emma sings the bits she knows and Regina seems to know it all. She guesses she had looked up the words before they came and smiles harder. Her face hurts from smiling but she closes her eyes and tips her head back.

 

_ “For auld lang syne my dear, for auld lang syne, we’ll take a cup of kindness yet for the sake of auld lang syne” _

 

-

 

Regina takes the keys and leads the way up the stairs to Emma’s apartment. Emma follows with passed out Henry in her arms. His head bobs on her shoulder and he tucks his face further into her scarf.

 

By the time she gets to the top of the stairs the door is open, Regina’s shoes are in the cupboard and her jacket is hung up. Emma kicks the door closed behind her and slides out of her boots. She nudges them into the cupboard too before heading down the hall.

 

“Ok little guy, I’m gonna put you down in a minute,” she says quietly “and you can sleep in a bed and dream about all the fun we’re going to have at the castle.”

 

Regina is pulling back the bed sheets when she enters and she already has his pyjamas laid out. She tips her head to one side at the sight of them. Emma puts Henry down gently and he flops into the pillows. Regina sits next to him and takes off his gloves. Emma unties his shoes and takes them off. She takes the coat, scarf, gloves and hat that Regina passes to her. She seems well practised and Emma just does what she’s told.

 

She puts his things away in the hallway cupboard, trying hard not to think about how small everything is. She’s wide awake and unsure of what to do next. If it was just her she would probably put her PJs on and watch the drunken end of the Hootenanny with a big mug of hot chocolate. She turns the lights under the kitchen cupboards on. She prefers them to the big light, they’re calmer, they feel quieter. Even with the flashes from outside the kitchen is still pretty dark.

 

She hears Regina’s quiet footsteps and fixes her hair quickly in her window reflection. She leans on the counter and she watches fireworks still going off in the distance.

 

“Henry’s fixed for the night.” Regina says from behind her. She turns to see her leaning in the doorway again. She wonders why she likes that spot. Maybe it’s because she’s not sure if she’s coming or going, but Emma writes that off as projecting.

 

“He’s cute, but god, I thought he’d never run out of energy.” Emma says.

 

“Well that’s what happens when he consumes that amount of sugar in one go. All the energy, then none of it.”

 

The kettle bubbles noisily. “Tea?”

 

Regina pauses for moment. “Okay.”

 

“What kind?”

 

“Any.” 

 

Emma nods and pulls out a box of special teas from around the world. They were a moving in gift from someone and she rarely uses them, partly because she’s rarely home but mostly because she saves them for guests. She’s only tried a few so she picks her favourite for them both. It’s smoky and seems to fit how she feels standing in a dark kitchen in the middle of the night with a woman who makes her lose all perspective.

 

“So,” Regina begins, moving to where Emma stands “earlier, you said you felt something between us.”

 

“Yeah.” Emma says, trying to sound like she doesn’t want to curl into a ball and hide. She puts the lid back on the wooden tea box and puts it away.

 

“You said you thought it could be something.” Regina says.

 

“Mhmm.” She takes the whistling kettle off the stove and pours water into their mugs.

 

“What did you mean by that?” 

 

Emma almost drops the kettle back on the stove. “I-- we-- I wanted…” She searches Regina’s eyes but finds she can’t think when she does. She had thought this conversation was over. They had such a great night and now she feels embarrassment encroaching on it. She’s annoyed at Regina for bringing it up, and that feeling is preferable to the awkwardness of talking to someone you like about liking them. “Why did you kiss me?” She asks instead of answering her.

 

Regina doesn’t look surprised. “I thought there could be something too.” 

 

“What?” Emma asks automatically. She had heard her just fine, she just can’t believe it.

 

“Well,” Regina shrugs “there was something. There is something” she waves her hand “between us and I don’t know what you want. I don’t know if you want to be friends or if this is the goodbye we never had, if you want something casual or if you want to make something of whatever this thing is. I don’t think I can be casual about you.” Emma’s eyes are wide as she watches her explain. In the dark room Regina’s eyes are black but emotive. She looks concerned, not because of what she’s saying, but about what Emma’s reply might be. “I mean, you said you thought I was right but, do you? Edinburgh doesn’t seem that far away and it’s not as if we had a chance to talk-”

 

“Because you sent me away!” Emma says louder than she means to.

 

“Because you gave me an ultimatum!” Regina replies just as loud and they both stop to listen for signs of Henry waking up. There’s nothing and Regina lifts her chin and looks back at her. “There was no time, Emma. You wanted an answer there and then and all I could think about was the way you looked at me as if we were teenagers again and I couldn’t think straight. I’m not doing this to make you uncomfortable, I want to know what you want.”

 

“I want you” Emma says, the fear of hurting Regina again sickens her. The fear of committing to something that might end in rejection makes her head swim. “I want you and Henry and weekends exploring. I want to dance with you and to kiss you again. Ree, I just want you. More than anything, I want you.”

 

Regina steps up to her. Without her shoes there’s a slight height difference between them. She looks up at Emma who has stopped breathing. She traces the lines of her face with her eyes. She reads her eyes and takes in her faint freckles and finally settles on her lips. She tips her face up, locks eyes with Emma briefly before closing them and pressing their lips together. Emma feels the tension in her body evaporate as Regina’s arms wrap around her waist. It feels like the first moment you sink into a hot bath, when your body is enveloped, the heat is sudden and satisfying. Regina’s lips tug at her own and she breathes again, breathes her in, her perfume and the smell of her skin. She tastes her lipstick and flicks at her lip, asking for more. Regina doesn’t hesitate, her tongue finds Emma’s with the same ease it always had. They fit together as they always did. Emma’s mind barely registers Regina’s hands on her sides, sliding around her back and across where she knows there are two dimples in her skin.

 

Regina sighs into her mouth and Emma starts guiding them out of the kitchen. They stumble through the hallway and into Emma’s room barely breaking away as if enough time has been wasted and neither of them was willing to lose another second. 

 

She pushes Regina against the door and kisses her neck. She lets her teeth graze her skin before kissing apologies. Regina hisses breaths in through her teeth and pulls at Emma’s jacket. Emma throws it to the ground and turns back to Regina. She’s met with more kisses. Regina’s hand slides into her hair and pulls them closer. Other people have touched her hair, other people have twirled it around their fingers but the way Regina does it makes her whole scalp tingle until she feels goosebumps all over her body. Before she realises what’s happening she’s against the door and her top is being pulled over her head. Regina sucks her earlobe into her hot mouth and she gasps. She licks the curve of her ear and Emma shudders against the door. Regina’s hand slides up her stomach and beneath her bra. She couldn’t hide how affected she is if she wanted to. Teeth graze her ear, contrasting with hot and soft and wet, while her nipple strains against the palm of Regina’s hand.

 

“God, Ree. Do you think we should be taking this slow? Jesus Christ.”

 

“Do you want to?” She asks, only stopping for a second.

 

“No!” Emma replies, untucking Regina’s blouse from her jeans. “No, I never want to stop.”

 

Regina kisses her softly but Emma wants it harder. She kisses back fiercely and Regina tweaks her nipple in response.

 

Emma breaks away. “Fuck.” 

 

Regina undoes her bra with one hand and it falls away. She picks Regina up and carries her to the bed, Regina's legs wrapped around her waist as she kisses her. They fall into the soft surface, the pressure of their bodies together eliciting gasps from each of them. Regina pulls her own blouse off.

 

“Fuck” Emma says again and leans down to kiss her boobs and unclasp her bra. 

 

She kisses them all over, everywhere but her nipples until Regina writhes underneath her. Then she slowly circles one with her fingertip while she sucks the other into her mouth. Regina gasps again and her fingernails scrape up Emma’s back when she sucks harder. She lets it pop from her mouth and leans up to kiss her again. 

 

“Can I touch you?” She whispers.

 

Regina kisses her hard in reply. Emma’s fingers pop the button on her jeans and slide beneath. She presses and a noise that seems to begin in Regina’s chest groans from her. Regina’s hips lift to meet her and she goes slowly up and down before beginning slow circles.

 

“God.” Regina’s eyes close tight. Emma leans into her, kissing her neck and collarbone. She lets her fingers slide down and slowly inside. She’s rewarded with the intoxicating heat and feel around her fingers. Nothing in the world feels like this, feels this good. She can't help the groan that comes out, especially with the noise Regina makes at the movement. She curls her fingers up slowly as she draws out and in again. Regina gasps and she feels nerves spasm beneath her fingertips. “ _ ¡Hay! _ ” Regina gasps  _ “¡Hay, hay, ah!”  _

 

She has no idea what that means, other than that it’s good. She keeps doing it and lets her palm graze her roughly. Regina’s body rolls beneath her and she kisses her neck again.

 

“I missed you.” Emma says, letting her nose brush up her neck. She kisses where her jaw and neck meet.

 

“M-me too.” Regina manages, shuddering through it. Her eyes close and her brow furrows, trying not to come too soon, to be consumed by all of it.

 

“For years, Ree.” Emma bites her neck a little roughly. "I've missed you for years"

 

Regina seems like she’s trying to answer but she just moans again and pulls Emma over her and into a demanding kiss. Emma meets it, she gives everything up as Regina rolls her hips into her again. She concentrates on her hand, starting to ache from the restriction of the jeans. She pushes harder, moves her palm around more and curls her fingers as she goes. Regina’s back arches as she soars towards her climax. Emma sucks her nipple back into her mouth and pinches it hard between her lips while she flicks it with her tongue. Regina gasps, stifling her moans until her body collapses into spasms. Emma feels her tightening around her fingers but doesn’t stop, making Regina ride it out with her, until she feels her hand at her wrist. She slides out of her jeans, careful not to wipe Regina’s wetness up her stomach. Her eyes are closed and she smiles as she catches her breath.

 

“Emma…” She sighs.

 

“Hey.” Emma says, kissing her cheek sweetly.

 

“I need a second.”

 

“Ok.” Emma replies, sitting up a little to watch her recover, beaming with pride at the sweat on Regina's skin, the way her chest rises and falls quickly, and her nipples, slightly bruised.

 

“I also need you to get your trousers off, immediately.” Regina says in a low, slightly threatening tone.

 

She doesn’t need telling twice. Emma leaps off the bed, pulls her jeans and underwear down in one and gets back on the bed.

 

“Come here.” Regina says. Emma climbs over her, body strong and buzzing with anticipation. Regina’s fingertips trail up her back and she shivers. “I always loved your back” she says. Emma leans down to kiss her. They kiss slowly, deeply, feeling the rush of fear and excitement of opening themselves up. Regina slips her hand down between them to touch Emma. She hums in appreciation and leans into it.

 

“God.” Regina says between kisses before she pulls away. “I want you on your back.” Emma smiles “Ugh, bella.”

 

“Who’s Bella?” Emma asks, rolling over with a smile.

 

“ _ La chica entre mis muslos. _ ” Regina says, sliding down her body. 

 

“You know it's rude to speak in a language the people you're with don't speak.” Emma says but her voice shakes as Regina kisses down her neck, nips at her nipples. Emma hisses a breath in. 

 

“That’s for torturing me into coming.” Regina says.

 

“You loved it.” Emma croaks as she feels Regina's nipples graze down her torso as she kisses her way down. She kisses her hips and trails her fingers slowly up her legs, nudging her knees apart.

 

She kisses and bites up her thighs. Emma throbs between legs as Regina continues to neglect her there. It's minutes but it feels like hours, almost hurting.

 

“Ree, please, I’m dying.” Regina pauses and Emma regrets saying anything at all until she feels slow, hot pressure. “Fuck!”

 

Her mind goes blank and all she can think about is what’s happening between her legs. Her hips lift involuntarily and Regina pushes her back down. She goes slow, like she's making Emma earn it. Emma swears without realising and reaches for something to hold onto as Regina takes her time with her. She bunches sheets in her fists and feels all of her muscles tensing. Her breath gets shallow and the circles Regina draws with her tongue get smaller, then wider again. She groans in complaint when Regina withdraws. She looks up to see Regina wipe her mouth, sitting between her knees, getting ready to use fingers.

 

“Fuck!” She says, head falling back into the bed.

 

“That’s the idea.” Regina says, shuffling closer to her and sliding one, then two fingers into her. Emma’s not ready for the wave of tingles that crashes over her body. She whines and Regina pauses. “Feel ok?”

 

“More than ok.” She says, breathless.

 

Regina moves again, sliding slowly in and out of her. She climbs carefully up her body, keeping the movement steady. She kisses her neck again, hot breath tickles her skin and she feels weightless. She’s close and Regina seems to be done tormenting her, speeding up and pushing into her with her whole body, not just her hand. She wants her to come now. Emma resists on principle. Her jaw clenches and she groans under the effort as pleasure electrifies every nerve in her body.

 

“Come on.” Regina whispers into her ear and licks the curve of it again. Emma moans in response. “Come for me, pretty girl.”

 

That tips her over the edge. Her entire body is taut, tense, stretched, breaking into an orgasm. She shakes and her arms lock around Regina who tucks her face into her neck and rides it out with her. She slows, stops and gently withdraws. She wipes her hand on the sheets as she brings it up to touch Emma’s side gently. It feels like explosions on her skin and she can't speak yet.

 

“That was beautiful.” Regina kisses her neck. “Thank you.”

 

“Thank me?” Emma breathes with difficulty. Her heart is still racing and her entire body feels like it would float away if Regina wasn’t anchoring her to the world.

 

“Yes, pretty girl.” She kisses every bit of skin she can reach.

 

After a while they crawl under the sheets and cuddle up. They kiss and touch each other and explore again. They hold each other down, cover crying out mouths, laugh, come and love until they can’t any longer. They fall asleep in a tangle of limbs, in a mess of love and old pain, memories and promises. 


	8. Chapter 8

Regina wakes with a jolt to the Buffy theme music blasting out of the living room. For a moment she has no idea where she is. The room is unfamiliar, bright in the morning light and tidy but for the trail of clothes. She wriggles to turn and see Emma still sleeping soundly, arms wrapped around her. Her heart leaps in her chest. She knows things have a tendency to look different in the morning and the last thing she wants is to break whatever fragile thing they have. As she slides out of the bed Emma catches her wrist.

“No”

“Yes, Emma.” She says, pulling her fingers away one by one.

“Why?” Emma groans with her eyes closed.

“Henry’s up.”

Emma squints at her and smiles. “Morning.”

She hesitates then climbs back into the bed. She brushes Emma’s hair from her face and kisses her. _“Buenos días cariño.”_

Emma hums and kisses her back smiling. “Wait for me.” She says, rolling over and sliding laboriously from the bed. She stretches and plods around looking for something to wear. “Oh my god.”

“What?” Regina asks, ignoring the rush of anxiety that floods her stomach. Emma tosses a tshirt at her. “Oh my god!” Regina says holding up the All Saints tshirt Emma had stolen the morning after she slept in it. “I always wondered what had happened to this, but I suppose I figured it out in the end. I can’t believe you still have it.”

“You want to wear it?” Emma asks.

“Well it is mine.”

“You’re not keeping it.” Emma says, standing up again, ready to argue if needed.

“It’s mine!” Regina holds it to her chest.

“I know! That’s why I need it.”

Regina frowns. Emma walks over and sits beside her on the bed. “I want it, it means a lot to me. You can have one of mine?”

“Oh please, you don’t have anything as cool as an All Saints tshirt.”

“Maybe not, but you could have a choice, I just took what I got.”

“That shirt was my favourite, that’s why I gave it to you to sleep in.”

For a moment Emma looks like she might cry but instead she kisses her. Regina’s hand finds her cheek, then slides up into her messy bed hair. They jump apart hearing a door slam but it isn’t theirs.

“Ok, time to get up.” Regina says, pulling the tshirt on. “Wow this is snug.”

“Yeah you’ve changed.” Emma smiles.

“Well, I’m not seventeen anymore.” She pulls it down over her stomach self consciously.

“You’re beautiful.” Emma says. “You always were and I’ll bet my life you always will be.”

Regina smiles. “You’re biased.”

Emma shakes her head. “I’m well informed.” Regina tugs the hem of the top over her stomach again. Emma moves her hands away and reaches down to kiss the stretch marks that pattern her skin. “I know where these came from, that little miracle watching Buffy in the living room.” She straightens up to kiss Regina and pauses. “What about this one?” She kisses the scar on her lip.

“Oh. Mother. When I changed my name. The last thing I wanted was her claim on Henry, so I changed it before he was born. She lost her temper, but after that she never hit me again.”

Emma doesn’t know which part of that statement is more horrifying. She wraps her arms around Regina and kisses her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, you can’t keep saying sorry for things you didn’t do. Even things you did do, they’re in the past now. I don’t want to hear that you’re sorry.”

Emma squeezes her tighter.

Henry is sitting on the sofa watching TV when Emma and Regina peer around the door.

“Hey kid.” Emma says.

“ _Bue-_ Good morning.” He says. “Hey _Mama_.”

“Good morning, sweetheart. I’ll make some tea.”

“You like Buffy?” Emma asks, staying with him for a moment.

“She’s my favourite superhero.”

“She’s a superhero?” She almost laughs.

“Yeah! You don’t have to be a man in a cape to be a hero, Emma.” He says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Emma turns to meet Regina’s smug face. “Nice work!” She says.

Regina nods. “Thank you.”

They sit on the opposite sofa to Henry, Emma drawing unconscious circles on Regina’s skin giving her goosebumps. They’re tired and don’t talk much. They just enjoy being together, the warmth from each other and the novelty of innocent touches.

When Henry gets up to go to the bathroom Emma kisses her ear and she smiles. “Does Henry know you’re into women?”

She sits up. “Excuse me?”

“Well, I’m just asking if that’s a conversation that needs to happen?”

Regina stares at her, trying and failing not to be annoyed. “It’s not a conversation that needs to happen. He doesn’t think straightness is the default setting for humans, it's nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I know that.”

“I wouldn’t hide it from him.” Regina shifts so she's less in Emma's arms and can cross her own.

“I didn’t think you should”

She stares for a moment. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you need to know, are you out?”

“Yes! And I'm already out to Henry anyway.”

“Wha--?”

“Maybe we should tell him we’re a thing.” Emma says seriously.

Regina pauses, irritation evaporating with her amusement. “A thing?”

“Yeah, you know. Whatever we are.”

She smiles. “Yes, a clear message like that is exactly what he needs from us right now.”

Emma rolls her eyes. “So can we tell him?”

“Yes…” She says, settling back down to lean on her as Henry bounds back in and leaps on the sofa just in time for the ad break to be over.

“Hey kid?” Emma says.

“Hey Emma?” He answers mimicking her.

“Remember when we talked about that stuff when I was doing your hair?”

“Yeah?”

“The girl I was talking about was your mom.” Henry’s face is a picture of shock as he looks between the two of them. “And I think we’re gonna try and make a go of it. Is that ok with you?”

Regina’s eyebrows raise and she turns to look at Emma who grins, then to Henry who smiles back and them.

“Yeah.” He says and turns back to his show.

“Do you know what that means?” Regina asks.

“Yeah.” Henry replies. “It means she thinks you’re pretty and she wants you to like her and she hates it when you're not around. Do you love her too, _Mamá_?”

“I… well…” She wasn’t expecting that. She turns to look at Emma who casts her eyes down quickly and starts to mumble that it's ok. It breaks her heart. “Of course I do.”

“That’s good.” Henry says.

Emma looks up with such childish wonder it almost takes her breath away. She tips her chin up and Emma wastes no time leaning in to kiss her.

“I think you’re really pretty,” Regina says quietly and Emma’s smile is sweet and makes her heart ache “and I want you to like me.”

“That’s lucky,” Emma says “cause I do.”

“That _is_ lucky!” Regina leans in to kiss her briefly again.

-

Henry’s hand swings in Emma’s as they walk through the station. They go slowly, Henry still talking about everything he had liked about the castle the day before. Emma is smiling and nodding along and trying not to look at Regina. The lump in her throat seems to get bigger every time she does.

“Sweetheart, will you run in there and get me a newspaper for the train?” Regina gives him a note and they watch him through the glass walls of the station shop. “Sorry I just had to be with you for one last second”

Emma looks up and her jaw clenches. She feels the threat of tears tingle at the end of her nose. “I’ll miss you.” Regina takes her hand. She glances into the shop and sees Henry, paper tucked under his arm, deliberating over which sweets to buy himself.

“Me too.” She manages.

Regina kisses her cheek tenderly. When she breaks away Emma kisses her back on the lips and Regina falls into it like that was what she'd really wanted. She doesn’t care that it’s a busy station and there are people everywhere. All she cares about is making every last second count, giving Regina something to remember. When they break away their foreheads press together. The world seems to blur and quiet to nothing around them.

“I think you’re really pretty” Emma says.

Regina smiles. “I hate it when you're not around”

“Want to hold my hand?”

“More than almost anything”

Henry appears next to them and they go to the ticket barrier together. Emma had bought a return to Haymarket station just so she could go through with them.

“I bought you these.” Henry pulls a packet of flying saucers out of his pocket and gives them to Emma. She takes the sweets and tucks them in her jacket before picking him up and hugging him tight.

“I’m gonna miss you.” Emma says, swallowing her tears.

“Me too, but we’re gonna skype.”

“Yeah we are. Be good for your mom.”

“I’m always good.” He replies as she puts him down

“Yeah as far as we know.” She smiles at him. He goes to sit on a bench a few feet from them to wait for Regina to be ready to board the train.

“Hey pretty girl” Regina says.

Emma winds her arms around her waist. “Let me know when you get home?”

“Of course.”

“And like, text me before you go to sleep or something.”

“Okay.”

“And when you get up.”

“Emma,” Regina brushes her cheek “I’ll see you next weekend.’

“Yeah, just don’t be a stranger. “Regina kisses her and it’s much too brief. The train is due to leave in minutes and they have to go. “Have a good day at school tomorrow”

“Thank you. Before I go, this is for you. Don’t open it until you are home with a cup of hot chocolate in your New Year mug.” She kisses her again and they hug. Emma thinks she might never let go, but somehow she does and she waves at them as they're boarding. She hears the whistles that mean the train is ready to go. She turns around and walks, storming through the barriers she wipes her eyes and heads for home, holding the gift from Regina tight to her chest.

The compacted snow is slippery but she makes it home quickly. She makes hot chocolate in her mug from New Year’s Eve as she promised. The other two mugs had gone home with Henry and Regina. She turns the tag over.

_“To my darling Emma, thank you for an incredible visit. Feliz Navidad y prospero año. Ree x”_

Emma traces the kiss with her thumb as if hoping to feel it, pulls the tag off and sets it on the kitchen counter. She tears the paper much less carefully to reveal a picture frame that Regina had hummed and ha'd over in one of the much-too-expensive shops they had visited. The picture is one Henry had taken of the three of them on New Year’s Eve. They’re holding up their mugs and smiling. Regina’s eyes glint with amusement, Henry is laughing and Emma smiles like she has never been happier. She presses it to her chest as she pulls out her phone.

_“Gracias x”_ She texts Regina.

The reply is quick _“De nada, carino. x”_


	9. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I'm really sorry if the Google Translate Spanish is awful!

#  Epilogue

 

Emma doesn't know the bar they’re in, but she knows the type. It’s the kind of place where men in expensive suits peacock by buying expensive (rather than good) drinks for women they like the look of. The kind of place footballers might be seen in. The kind of place where almost everyone's nose is guaranteed to be numb. 

 

“So I ordered Prosecco all round!” Belle says as it arrives at their table.

 

“What's the occasion?” Marian asks, raising a glass to Emma.

 

“Well, other than this being Regina’s send off,” Belle says and Regina nods graciously “I've just signed a writer who is going to be huge, really talented, very raw but she has no idea how popular she is going to be. So, go me!” She toasts.

 

“In case you hadn't guessed, Belle’s in publishing down in London.” Marian says.

 

“Oh wow,” Emma replies ”congratulations!”

 

“Well, it's Wiltshire really but we say London, don't we darling?” Marian smirks.

 

“Oh sod off.” Belle rolls her eyes.

 

“That's great news, Belle. I hope you'll let us know when we can buy her first book?” Regina asks as she smacks Marian’s arm.

 

“Of course, of course.” She waves.

 

Emma wishes they could have gone somewhere better, in the city maybe not in the village, but Regina’s moving this weekend and she only came to help. She supposes she doesn't want a headache when the van comes in the morning, which is fair enough.

 

“So Marian is newly single? I didn't want to ask, you know.” Emma asks as she watches her disappear into the crowd pulling Regina along with her.

 

“Yeah, they broke up recently. He was nice, they seemed like a really good match but I guess sometimes it just doesn't work out.”

 

“Yeah, I guess.” She watches them at the bar, surrounded by men like divers in a shark cage. Emma secretly hopes ones of the teachers she met will ask her out. Miss Hua's eyes lit up whenever anyone mentioned her, but she had kept her observation to herself. The conversation lulls a little while Belle checks her phone and Emma doesn't mind. 

 

“Can you believe the 90s are back in?” Belle asks. “We’re old enough that our era is back. Doesn't that make you feel ancient?”

 

“Prehistoric” Marian says as they return with another bottle.

 

“Oh come on.” Emma protests.

 

“It doesn't make you feel old?” Regina asks and she sits next to -almost on- her. 

 

“No!”

 

“Not even a little bit?”

 

“Ooh ah just a little bit--” Marian starts singing.

 

“Oh Jesus.” Regina turns to her and Marian takes her hands.

 

“Ooh ah little bit more--” she dances and pulls Regina to her feet.

 

“What?” Emma watches in complete confusion. 

 

“It's-” Marian starts.

 

“Shut up!” Regina cuts her off. Marian laughs and tries again but Regina shushes her. 

 

“It's Gina G!” She says, tilting her head at Regina who scowls back.

 

“Oh my god, how did we never come up with that in school?” Emma asks.

 

“You were more sensible back then” Regina frowns and starts to cross her arms.

 

“ _ Bonita _ ” Marian turns the corners of her mouth down.

 

“Don't you  _ bonita _ me” Regina pushes her away.

 

_ “Bonita chica!” _ Marian reaches for her again.

 

_ “Su chica bonita, tonto. Dios mío.” _

 

_ “Chica, chia, por favor _ ” Marian catches her hands and pulls them together for a hug.

 

_ “Me vuelas loca” _

 

_ “Oh gracias, gracias, linda bonita” _

 

“Oh my god!” Regina laughs, scrunching her eyes closed and hugs Marian.

 

Emma is crying with laughter watching them. She glances at Belle to see her watching all three of them. The song changes to something Regina wants to dance to and they’re gone again.

 

“Regina seems happy.” Belle says.

 

“Really?” Emma asks, not because she doesn't believe her, maybe she just wants to hear it again.

 

“Yeah, like I haven't seen in forever. She seems more...herself. I can't believe she's moving to be with you. It’s amazing.” 

 

“I mean, Glasgow and Edinburgh are close but it's not like she's moving in with me.”

 

“Uhuh.” Belle says.

 

Emma can't help her smile. “Stop stereotyping”

 

“It's amazing.” Belle says again and looks off at the dance floor.

 

Marian and Regina are dancing and hugging and singing along to the music. 

 

“Yeah it's pretty good.” Emma grins as Regina catches her eye and smiles.


End file.
